Month: May 2020

NES……

Nintendo Entertainment System was all the rage in the 80’s. My older brother got a NES for Christmas. Dad engraved his initials J.V.D into the bottom of the console. I have to admit my brother is good at everything he does, games included. My dad was thrilled when he beat him once but it never happened again. My older brother is not one to play games against, you will lose. Welcome to my childhood of always being player number two and waiting forever until he beat the game. Only to get a thirty second chance to play before I died. I was always Luigi and I could never beat any of the games. We would spend hours trying to find the princess only to find she’s in another castle. How many castles does this princess need? Don’t you dare get me started on Duck Hunt. If that dog pops up and laughs one more time about my shooting skills so help me. Maybe my anger started here in the pixels of Duck Hunt. ha.

Did you ever play NES for so long you had the arrow button became impressed into your thumb? Your hands cramped up from holding that controller for what seemed like an eternity? For some reason it felt like you could make the jump if you squeezed the controller harder and threw the cord with you whichever way you were going. No? Just me? My eyes felt like they were going to bleed from all the pixel goodness. I might have needed the glasses I have today from all the NES I played in my childhood.

My brother wasn’t the only good gamer, oh no move over sir, enter my step mom. Growing up she played Dr. Mario like it was her job. She and her friends stacked the pills and killed the germs like professionals. She started on the hardest levels with the fastest settings. I can remember sitting with my step sisters and the game was going so fast it hurt our eyes to watch. Then when we got a turn to play it was on the slowest setting and on the first level and we struggled to stay alive. The struggle was real!

Oh how the times have changed and the gaming systems have gotten far too complex. What’s up with all the buttons? I miss the simple days of the NES. Whatever happened to start, select and keeping it simple? Now they have buttons on the sides, top, back, and front of controllers. Sweet goodness, there’s a reason I can’t game in current times. The graphics are so clear and the button combos are far too complex for me to master.

When I moved out on my own I tried to convince my step mom to give me the old Nintendo but that didn’t happen so I turned to Kijiji and e-bay. I am happy to say I purchased not only the NES console, controllers, duck hunt gun and most of the games I once tried to beat and some new games too. Yes you still have to hit reset a million times until the picture loads correctly. Sometimes you have to wiggle the cartridge or take it out and blow on it. But after all these years it still runs like a dream.

Nothing is as calming as kicking it old school with the NES. I am happy to report as an adult and not being playing number two. I am pretty darn good at these games from the 80’s. I have even beaten a few.

The controller now seems smaller in my hand. As a kid I felt like it was a giant thing to hold. The victory of beating the game is a feeling that cannot be topped. I played Dr. Mario against my step mom as an adult and I won! Victory is mine! I have yet to meet anyone who can beat me in Dr. Mario. No need to challenge me, I like thinking I am the best. I even have a Dr. Mario tattoo on my hip. Forever making Dr. Mario my favourite NES game.

Jaws is a game I never experienced as a kid, but have come to love as an adult. It didn’t come with any instructions and it makes no sense but when you win and fly off into the pixel sunset. It makes the struggle of killing jellyfish and stingrays, collecting shells, fly planes, finding submarines and hit jaws with a boat all worth it.

It has all been fun and games, until recently when I thought it would be exciting to set up and play duck hunt with my son and my niece. Both kids are 7 years old about the age I was when I started learning to play Nintendo. I was showing them how the game worked and I reached level 10. Something I have never done before, apparently I am really down right horrible at this game. I felt like I was finally on fire and making great headway. Feeling great, until my niece, first try makes it to level 13 like she was hired and paid to take those ducks out. Even worse my son, comes up after her, boom same right to level 13. Oh duck hunt, a game I will forever dislike. Keep laughing dog!

Here’s too many more days and nights filled with NES goodness. Thank you to the friends and family who have come and shared some laughs and played some games.

What was your favourite NES game? What is a game you would recommend I try?

I am sorry and I forgive you….

Forgiveness is defined as “the release of resentment or anger. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. One doesn’t have to return to the same relationship or accept the same harmful behaviors from an offender. Forgiveness is vitally important for the mental health of those who have been victimized.” This is a powerful process to healing yourself.

Raise your hand if you need to forgive? Raise your hand if you have been the victim? I would have raised both hands way up as high as I could. I have held onto resentment and anger for so many years like a god damn professional. Resentment and anger were my way of life for far too long. Resentment and anger are what I lived for. This started in me as a child, snow balled as a teen and as an adult until I hated pretty much everyone and everything including myself. I wasn’t able to change into the positive person I am today without saying I am sorry and I forgive you.

I know I have not always been an easy person to be around and I admit it. I was boiling with hate because I didn’t know how to understand others and forgive. Yes, some of this hate was caused by the things other people said and did. Yes, some of the hate was caused by things I did. Yes, some of this hate was fueled in my failures. Yes, some of this hate was because I blamed myself for what happened to me. I cannot control everything that happens but I can control my reaction.

When you get stuck being the victim in a sad story, you get so overwhelmed being the main character, you forget about all the other people in the story. You don’t care about anyone else. You blame, you hate and you stay stuck. I lived this life for far too long. Instead of focusing on the good in my life, I only saw the dark the parts I hated. Instead of seeing the good people surrounding me, I only saw the people who kept me stuck. Again I cannot stress this enough you attract the same kind of people into your life. When I was stuck being negative I kept finding more and more negative people to stay stuck with me, who hated all the same things I did. People who wanted to partake in the same self-destructive behaviours. Holding onto hatred will do you no good. Holding onto hatred is horrible for your mental health. Learn to heal.

Change doesn’t come easy. Change doesn’t happen overnight. It took me a lot of years to fill myself with hatred and it took me a lot of years to fill my life with positivity. I had to learn to say I am sorry for what I have done and I forgive you for what you have done to a lot of people in order to move forward in life. Some people I reached out to and I said it too them personally. Some people accepted my apology, others didn’t. I know that I did my best and if they are not in a place to accept then I hope one day they will. Some people I have lost track of over the years and so I had to accept how to move on without formal forgiveness. You do whatever you have to do to move past what is keeping you stuck. I can honestly say today there isn’t a person I wouldn’t say I am sorry or, I forgive you, to and even give them a hug. Life is too short to stay pissed off or filled with hatred. Even those people who made it to the top of my hated hit list over the years, I accept your apology and I forgive you. This does not mean that I want to have all these people back in my life, don’t get me wrong. It means I am healing from the situation and wishing them the best on whatever path life takes them. I believe that people come into your life and they teach you lessons you need to learn going forward. Like chapters or books, not everyone stays forever but for the time they are in your life they can teach you so much if you accept the lessons good or bad.

Yes things happened to me and I did things I wish I didn’t do. However I cannot go back and change what has happened. So why carry it around and keep living it over and over? Keep on hating for the rest of my life for something in the past it’s such a waste of time. I am not saying forgive every little thing that happens immediately. We all have our process and our ways of dealing with situations. I am saying that when you understand the situation and choose to see the good that can come from it you will learn to apologize and forgive. You will learn to be a more positive person and attract great people into your life.

Try starting with removing the word hate. The word hate is such an over-used but powerful word. Hating results in a lot of pain and destruction for everyone involved. It should actually never be used. If you can remove it from your vocabulary you will realized that you never really hated anything or anyone. You may have a profound dislike or were deeply hurt and so you feel defensive. Focus on the feeling rather than the scapegoat generalization of hate. It will be the first step to forgiveness and healing. Forgiveness will allow you to move forward and release the burden so you can heal.

Learn to choose positivity. Eliminate hate. Learn to forgive and say sorry.

Attitude alignment…

I recently read a quote that hit home with me and I wanted to share it with you. It said “The only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude”

How freaking true is that?

This got me thinking, like inspirational quotes often do. A guilty pleasure of mine is that I love quotes. I have quotes all around my house. No matter where I am in the house it reminds me to choose positivity. Kind, simple words, often put me in a much better mood. Remind me that being in a good mood will make the day much easier and enjoyable. This is not just for myself but for those who are around me.

I set positive quotes as my background on my phone, tablet, laptop and this computer I write from. I use positive quotes as my passwords. I turn beautiful pictures that I have taken into the backgrounds for quotes on this website. Sometimes when I am finding it particularly difficult to get through the day I make quotes with my favourite sayings so I always have them with me. I keep a file on my phone, because I usually have my phone everywhere I go, so I can stop and redirect myself at any time of the day. I have the power. My favourite quote comes from my Opa. My life’s motto is “Do your best and if your best isn’t good enough fuck it” This quote always put me right back on track. I never give up and I always keep working towards my goals. I know that I am doing my best

What is your favourite quote?

I have mentioned before that in my office is a vision wall. It started out as a board and quickly grew to the whole side of my office. Anytime I am working and I feel like I need inspiration, bam, right there, a whole wall. My wall is covered in quotes that I love to read, quotes that inspire me. My wall is filled with my accomplishments. My accomplishments remind me I am fierce and I can do this. My wall has visions of all the things I plan to do in the future. My wall has beautiful pictures from places I have traveled and places I still want to go. I do my running in front of this wall to remind myself that I always have something to be thankful for. Running helps me clear my mind and I often write these blogs after a run. Staring at my visions, quotes, hopes, dreams and accomplishments often sparks an idea for the next blog.

I admit I have been guilty of being that girl with a bad attitude. If you could only see the negative and be in a bad mood, well that was me for years on repeat. What a waste of a life! Again, as a reminder, my change did not happen overnight or even in a year. It has taken me years of work on the path to being a better positive person. It’s a lifetime of work. When you are stuck being negative what do you attract? The same kind of people! My life was filled with negativity. I had toxic friendships and relationships. I didn’t want to be alone in my negativity and misery loves company. It is possible to remove toxic people from your life and it is possible to change from being that toxic person. You do not have to stay stuck in negativity anymore. You have to want to change and you have to believe in yourself. It is the best thing I ever did.

Today I am happy to say that for the most part my days are good. My attitude is that of understanding. I understand that not every day is going to go as planned. I understand that I cannot control the way my day goes. I understand I can control my attitude when things do happen. This is probably the hardest adjustment I have had to make and I still struggle sometimes. I am not perfect but I am trying. I understand I have to be flexible and deal with things as they come up. I know that I cannot solve all my problems on my own and its okay to ask for help. I used to think asking for help meant I failed and I had to admit it. In a way asking for help is a sign I failed but it’s also a great opportunity to meet other people, to see other people’s point of views or the way they do things. Asking for help has allowed me to network with so many wonderful people I am thankful to have in my life.
I have learned that the only thing you can change is yourself and how you react to the challenges you face every day be it big or small. A negative reaction will not solve anything or make life better, only choosing to face the challenges in a positive way and ask for help. Oh yes and when you ask for help accept it with gratitude. You will find the positivity will be returned and your life will be better for it.

I am positive if I can do it than so can you!

Siblings…

I grew up with my brother. We look alike, we grew up in the same house but we turned out to be two very- different people. I think my brother is a lot like our mom and I am more like our dad. I find it fascinating to meet siblings. To hear stories of how alike or dislike siblings can be.

After having found a corgi that I think is the sister to my late beloved Charleston, it got me thinking about my siblings. Yes buckle up I warned you before my family is filled with nuts, but these crazy nuts love like no others.

My parents separated and divorced when I was around 7 years old. My brother and I lived with our mom full time and visited our dad. I’m not going to lie, if given the chance I would have lived with my Opa. I laugh when I type that because I feel like I spent most of my time there anyways, I might as well have lived there. As a child it was my happy place. I am honoured to say it still is my happy place and I visit often. I love that I get to share this amazing place with my son. My heart is so full with memories made and memories still in the making.

As a child I always dreamed of having a sister. When you grow up with a brother who always wrecked your dolls instead of playing dolls with you, well you dream of a sister, someone to play dolls with. My dad was in a relationship with a woman for roughly 8 years or so who had 2 daughters. Oh my step sisters came in like two raging bulls and we have been laughing ever since. Even though our parents have gone separate ways we have always remained sisters. I am that sister who bugs them, who keeps in touch and demands we all get together. Sisters for life and I wouldn’t have it any other way! You gals forever changed my life in the best way possible!

Both my parents dating over the years has added many great people into my life, not all of them stay forever but for the times we shared I am thankful.

I admit it I am a family person, family means the world to me. I am lucky to have so many people to call my family. I enjoy checking in with family near and far. I do my best to keep in touch. I love texting, emailing and Facebook for this reason. It’s so easy now to keep in touch. To remind those crazy nuts how important they are!

When I was a teenager I was on a solo trip to B.C. to visit some of my family. Oh B.C. is my destination happy place. I have so many fond memories of the years of travel to the west coast there is no were else in the world that makes me this happy! The one trip to B.C. that forever changed my life was finding out I had a half-brother. Oh goodness biggest and best shock of my life. I hate the term half or step, you’re my brother. I will never forget this day. I was sitting at my aunt’s kitchen table right by the door where you walked in and I am sure my jaw hit the floor. I think this brother and I are so much alike. We didn’t grow up together but when we met it was like we had always known each other. I was seventeen years old when we met. Now, we don’t always get along, we’re siblings. We have gotten into fights or disagreements and not always been able to see eye to eye. I think mostly because I am the little BIG sister and you are the big LITTLE brother (I am taller than both my older brothers) but we always come to a solution and you know how much I love you! I am forever grateful for our aunt bringing us together. You, my sister in law and my nephews hold a huge part of my heart. You all make my days filled with laughter and love. Thank you!

I also have a friend that’s like a sister even though she grew up with sisters. Too bad you are stuck with me for life. You will forever be the sister I chose. Kelly your family has always shown me love. Your parents became like second parents to me. Your sisters became my friends. No matter where life takes us you will forever be a part of my family. Love ya girl! Thank you for always being the greatest friend a girl could ask for.

As a kid my world felt small with just my brother picking on me. Ha, but who knew I would have so many people come into my life over the years. To all my brothers and sisters thank you! You brighten each and every one of my days and remind me how much I love and am loved.