I am sorry and I forgive you

I am sorry and I forgive you….

Forgiveness is defined as “the release of resentment or anger. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. One doesn’t have to return to the same relationship or accept the same harmful behaviors from an offender. Forgiveness is vitally important for the mental health of those who have been victimized.” This is a powerful process to healing yourself.

Raise your hand if you need to forgive? Raise your hand if you have been the victim? I would have raised both hands way up as high as I could. I have held onto resentment and anger for so many years like a god damn professional. Resentment and anger were my way of life for far too long. Resentment and anger are what I lived for. This started in me as a child, snow balled as a teen and as an adult until I hated pretty much everyone and everything including myself. I wasn’t able to change into the positive person I am today without saying I am sorry and I forgive you.

I know I have not always been an easy person to be around and I admit it. I was boiling with hate because I didn’t know how to understand others and forgive. Yes, some of this hate was caused by the things other people said and did. Yes, some of the hate was caused by things I did. Yes, some of this hate was fueled in my failures. Yes, some of this hate was because I blamed myself for what happened to me. I cannot control everything that happens but I can control my reaction.

When you get stuck being the victim in a sad story, you get so overwhelmed being the main character, you forget about all the other people in the story. You don’t care about anyone else. You blame, you hate and you stay stuck. I lived this life for far too long. Instead of focusing on the good in my life, I only saw the dark the parts I hated. Instead of seeing the good people surrounding me, I only saw the people who kept me stuck. Again I cannot stress this enough you attract the same kind of people into your life. When I was stuck being negative I kept finding more and more negative people to stay stuck with me, who hated all the same things I did. People who wanted to partake in the same self-destructive behaviours. Holding onto hatred will do you no good. Holding onto hatred is horrible for your mental health. Learn to heal.

Change doesn’t come easy. Change doesn’t happen overnight. It took me a lot of years to fill myself with hatred and it took me a lot of years to fill my life with positivity. I had to learn to say I am sorry for what I have done and I forgive you for what you have done to a lot of people in order to move forward in life. Some people I reached out to and I said it too them personally. Some people accepted my apology, others didn’t. I know that I did my best and if they are not in a place to accept then I hope one day they will. Some people I have lost track of over the years and so I had to accept how to move on without formal forgiveness. You do whatever you have to do to move past what is keeping you stuck. I can honestly say today there isn’t a person I wouldn’t say I am sorry or, I forgive you, to and even give them a hug. Life is too short to stay pissed off or filled with hatred. Even those people who made it to the top of my hated hit list over the years, I accept your apology and I forgive you. This does not mean that I want to have all these people back in my life, don’t get me wrong. It means I am healing from the situation and wishing them the best on whatever path life takes them. I believe that people come into your life and they teach you lessons you need to learn going forward. Like chapters or books, not everyone stays forever but for the time they are in your life they can teach you so much if you accept the lessons good or bad.

Yes things happened to me and I did things I wish I didn’t do. However I cannot go back and change what has happened. So why carry it around and keep living it over and over? Keep on hating for the rest of my life for something in the past it’s such a waste of time. I am not saying forgive every little thing that happens immediately. We all have our process and our ways of dealing with situations. I am saying that when you understand the situation and choose to see the good that can come from it you will learn to apologize and forgive. You will learn to be a more positive person and attract great people into your life.

Try starting with removing the word hate. The word hate is such an over-used but powerful word. Hating results in a lot of pain and destruction for everyone involved. It should actually never be used. If you can remove it from your vocabulary you will realized that you never really hated anything or anyone. You may have a profound dislike or were deeply hurt and so you feel defensive. Focus on the feeling rather than the scapegoat generalization of hate. It will be the first step to forgiveness and healing. Forgiveness will allow you to move forward and release the burden so you can heal.

Learn to choose positivity. Eliminate hate. Learn to forgive and say sorry.