Month: November 2020

Mind-reading

How cool would it be to have the ability to read minds? If I could have any superpower it would be the ability to read minds. Sign me up!

I admit I used to be the queen of bad communication. In my times of negativity, I could have been crowned one of the world’s worst communicators. Not the crown I want to wear.

Sadly I do not have the ability to read minds. However, I expected everyone to be able to read my mind.

In my transformation from a life riddled with negativity to a life glowing in positivity the first step I took was to reflect back on my life and what wasn’t working for me. I made a list of things to work on. I would say the biggest thing working against me was my communication skills, or should I say my lack of communication skills. I didn’t learn how to communicate. I learned how to shut down. When the going got tough in my life I shut down. I would run from my problems. Spoiler alert you can run but your problems will follow you. I didn’t want to face my problems or anything that upset me. I went silent. Another spoiler alert silence doesn’t solve your problems. Read my mind. I let my silence eat away at me. I didn’t know how to calmly communicate why I was upset. If you didn’t have the ability to read my mind you would have been lost, without a map, trying to figure out what I was upset about. I would remain upset for a long time without ever telling you why I was upset. Doesn’t that sound fun? I let myself get so worked up and so upset. I could feel myself seething with rage because you couldn’t figure out the exact moment your existence pissed me off. I know now why my relationships struggled. I struggled to communicate.

I wasted a lot of years stuck in negativity not communicating well. I remained silent and upset, never solving anything. Not communicating created more baggage for me to carry through life. I was exhausted. I was scared to tell you how I felt. I was scared to be judged and or rejected. My own self-communication was horribly negative. I only held on to the negativity. You could have said eight million nice things about me but that one time you said something slightly off I remembered that. I held onto that. My inability to communicate my feelings made me sick. Holding onto to so much anger I believe caused me a lot of health problems. In my years consumed by negativity, I had a lot of health problems. I didn’t look after myself. I wasn’t kind to myself. I drowned my negative feelings with my own dose of addictions. I am no doctor but I will tell you this also didn’t work well either.

I realize now very few people in this world can read minds. I was shocked to learn this! I am not a perfect communicator or an expert in anything just simply telling you about my transformation. Hoping to make someone’s life a little bit easier knowing they are not the only one in the world. We all have struggles. We all need help.

My communication ranged from simply not saying anything to losing my cool. From one extreme to the other. I missed the middle steps. What a horrible way to go through life. Silent or pissed off.

I am sorry for how I communicated with so many people over the years. I wish I would have taken the time to calm down, listen, and kindly reply. I have worked so hard to communicate in positive, kind ways. I changed the way I communicate with myself. I changed the way I communicate with others. Take time to listen. Take time to understand where other people are coming from. Take time to calm down and reply from a place of love, kindness, and positivity. Change starts with yourself. You have the ability to read your own mind. The only mind you can read is your own mind.

Reflect on what isn’t working in your life and find ways to change and make this life your best life!

Fall

I am sitting on my patio in my comfy over-sized bright teal hoodie from Tofino, warm lined leggings, and homemade knitted socks (Thanks for the socks mom). I have my steamy hot cup of coffee which is keeping my hands warm. I love my coffee with milk and maple syrup (don’t knock it until you try it). The sun is shining and I’m happy to still have my sunglasses on. From my patio, I am watching the leaves dancing in the cool fall wind. The leaves are slowly, yet gracefully making their way to the ground. I am smiling. This is fall. I often get my inspiration to write from my patio.

Yes, I am sad to see the warm summer days fading into the cool fall days, but the beauty of fall is something I will never get over. With every red tree, I see I fall more and more in love with this season. Truthfully I love something about each season. Canada is a beautiful place. I am thankful to live here.

From my patio, I have a gorgeous view of Lake Ontario. I do love where I live. This view of the lake is what sold me on this house. While looking at the water I apparently didn’t notice the large number of trees surrounding my property. I did not realize the amount of fall yard work I would be doing for the rest of my life. I do get a sense of joy even as an adult from raking leaves into piles and then jumping into them. I do my best to remember even as an adult to enjoy some child-like fun each and every day. Let go and be silly. Now as an adult I get the task of running the leaf blower-mulcher. I have a new game of how many bags of leaves will we have this year? Dragging those bags around the yard I am getting my work out in. Having fun and getting a workout in is a win win!

Fall is not only beautiful but it is also a time of great reflection. As I watch the leaves fall to the ground I am reminded of all the times I have fallen. I have failed so many times in life I have lost count. I could be negative and rant about my struggles but I choose to see the good. From each time I failed I learned a wonderful lesson. I have learned so many lessons in my life. I have also met a lot of wonderful people. Don’t be afraid to fall.

Sometimes I literally fell to the ground and wanted to give up. I think in life we all fall apart. We all fail at points in our lives. It’s how we build ourselves back up after a fall or failure that counts. You have the power to come back better than ever.
Every year the trees lose all of their leaves but they always make a beautiful comeback. Nature has a lot to teach us. Get outside and enjoy nature!

I remember the feeling of falling apart. I felt pain, sorrow, loneliness, defeat, anger, and the desire to no longer want to be a part of this world. I believe the biggest skill I had to work on to pick myself back up and become the fierce woman I am today is communication. The key to solving most problems is in the way we communicate. The way we use our words is very important. I used to use my words to react instantly. I reacted without a filter or care about how your feelings. I did not listen or understand where others were coming from. I only saw the negative. I was quick to react.

I am positive in my thirty-plus years I have hurt people with my words. I am sorry. I also carried around a lot of hurtful things other people said to me. My baggage of negative thoughts was heavy. Learn to let go of negative thoughts. You cannot take back your words once you have said them or typed them. Choose more positive and kind words to use.

In a world where we communicate mostly via typing, it is a great time to slow down and re-read your emails or text messages before hitting send. Often we don’t think about how someone could go back and re-read that message. Words hurt.

When I receive an e-mail or text message that I find upsetting I do not reply immediately. I have to take time to slow down and communicate from a calm and kind place. I often shut down the device I am on and take time to compose myself. There is no timeline on how fast you have to reply. I take time to think of how to reply calmly and kindly. Think about how nice the world would be if we all did that?

Fall is a wonderful time to reflect. What is something you could work on? Put on your comfy socks and join me. I would love to hear about your journey!