Month: February 2022

 

I knew our time would come to an end one day, but no matter how much time we had, it would never be enough. I knew it would be hard but I didn’t know it would be this hard.

I am grateful you shared almost forty years with me. You accomplished so much in your 87 almost 88 years. You touched the lives of so many people. You weren’t just my Opa you were my very best friend. My daily phone call. You gave me the best advice and you never gave up on me. You always rooted me on no matter how crazy my plans were. You taught me what it was to have a close-knit family. You loved us like no other. I am trying to dry up my tears and honour your memories but it’s hard. I miss you so very much.

I spent two beautiful days with you before you passed and I will forever be grateful for those memories. I needed a long goodbye. You shared so many stories and so much love. We share a lifetime of memories that I will forever cherish.

I would give anything to hear you laugh just one more time, you truly had the best laugh. I pick up the phone and I so badly want to call you. The days aren’t the same without your calls.

You shared with me your life motto of “Do your best and if your best isn’t good enough fuck it” I will forever live by these words and share your message.

Your determination was next level. When you set out to do something you accomplished it. For 33 years you were a huge part of the AA family you stayed sober by the help of AA for 33 years. We did a zoom meeting together just the night before you passed. You were dedicated and will be missed by so many people from that community alone. Then add in family, friends and all the people from your building days. You touched so many peoples lives you are an inspiration.

Thank you for giving me the best farming childhood. For allowing me to have all the pets to fill my heart. For always making me feel like I was special. For always loving me. I miss you like crazy and love you beyond words. Until we meet again.

 

https://www.rushnellfamilyservices.com/memorials/erich-huebner/4856106/index.php

February is the month of love. Happy early Valentine’s day!

Thank you to each and every one of you who stop by to read my blog. Thank you for reaching out and sending me some love. I love all the messages coming in. This journey has been so much fun. Thank you for joining me on this journey.

I will admit I am not a huge fan of Valentine’s day but I am a huge fan of love. I think you should appreciate and show love every day. Celebrate those you love at every given opportunity. The world needs more love.

Love is something I used to struggle a great deal with. l I didn’t realize this until I set out on a journey to discover myself. The biggest piece that was missing in my life was that love starts within you, with self-love. You cannot love anyone else until you love yourself.

Along my way in life I had gotten lost, completely lost. I fell into years of darkness. I had no love for myself or anyone else. I didn’t love myself and so I ended up in these less than ideal challenging relationships. I was searching for love in all the wrong places.  I knew I no longer wanted this to be the next chapter of my life. I knew I had some issues that I needed to face.  I set out to do some hard work. This is the hardest work I have done and the change didn’t come fast or easy.  Discovering that you have no love is a hard place to be. This messed with my head. I did a lot of emotional work. I cried so many tears. I am glad I did it though. I am proud of myself. I learned to be a better communicator first with myself. I learned a love language of positivity and I fell in love with myself. I will always be thankful during this hard journey I had my heart dog Charles who without ever saying a word taught me what it is like to feel unconditional love.  I went from no love at all to completely filled with love. I love myself.

I strive every day to tell and show my son how much I love him. I am a single parent and I want him to look back and know he was loved more than anything. We say I love you so much it’s probably annoying to watch.  We work on showing each other love each and every day. I have never felt a love so strong as the love of being a parent. You make my heart so full and so proud. I am so lucky and blessed that you are my son.

My family and friends, I send so much love each and every day. I would be lost without my crew of people. They always support me and root me on from the sidelines. I am so grateful when I think of how many people I love and how many people love me. I have such a huge smile on my face. I could spend days typing out so many thank you and I love you messages.

In my darkness, I wasted so many years unable to see all the love right in front of me and all the love the world had for me.  I was unable to express love. Start with self-love and watch your love grow. Fall in love with yourself and watch your relationships change. The way you love and communicate with yourself sets the tone for the way you love and communicate with others. Find that personal love language.

If you are struggling know you are not alone and if you need to chat my phone is always on.

 

 

I am a pretty ordinary woman whose choices have led me down an extraordinary life path.

I do not think I am better than you because of the journey I am on, everyone has a journey, Everyone has a story. Each of our journeys is unique it is what makes us who we are.

There is only one me. I am now aware of my fears and failures. I am now aware of my accomplishments and positivity in my life. I am able now to talk about my darkness. The darkness that at one point consumed my whole life and almost ended my life. I am not embarrassed to talk about any part of my life.  If you ask me a question you will always get an honest answer. I am not here to please anyone. I am aware that I am not for everyone. I am aware I don’t have to like everyone I meet and they don’t have to like me. I am doing the best I can in sharing my story to show we are all capable of change. I want others to know no matter where you feel stuck in life there is always someone who can help. Keep moving, keep working and keep dreaming. You are never alone. Help is always available. Reach out if you need help. If I can’t help you I am happy to help you find the help you need. Networking is an important part of life.

I wish when I was stuck in the darkest parts of my life that I knew what a life coach was. I didn’t find my life coach network of friends until I started to surround myself with positive people. Positive people keep me inspired. Surround yourself with positive people and i guarantee your life will change. I also surrounded myself with amazing pets. Let’s be serious I don’t know how to live life without a pet. My dog is my constant companion. She keeps my life filled with purpose. She demands a walk everyday. She keeps me moving forward. She reminds me without ever saying a word how much love is in my life. I am blessed. I am grateful.

I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose. I own up to the choices that I have made.  Did I always make the right choices? HECK NO!

Did I always do the right thing? NOPE!

I learned a lot of life’s lessons the harder way. I did however learn a great number of lessons and a lot about myself along the way. I used to live with such regret. Let that go. Carrying around regret and negativity will only keep you stuck. Negativity will hold you back. Negativity will trap you. Negativity will cause sickness.  Accept what was and make what is the best you can!

I am doing my best and if my best isn’t good enough fuck it.