Month: January 2023

“Good riddance to the past and all my bad decisions”.

This song lyric hit me hard recently. I am not even sure how I came to listen to this song as it is not my type of music, but that lyric stopped me and made me think. I heard it on a grueling day when I had to decide I hope I made the right decision. One decision can change your whole life. Is it for the best? Did I do the right thing?

One decision I made still haunts me and causes me to lose sleep. I hope I made the best decision as it not only affects me. No way to know if I made the right decision only time will tell.

Have you ever heard a song you needed at that moment, and you come to play it over and over? Today I needed to hear this lyric over and over and I sat staring at a message that ate at me. Why is this happening to me today?

The pissed-off version of me wanted to shoot back my real anger at this situation. I learned a long time ago I need to walk away and take time. I never want to say something I do not mean out of anger. I never want someone to overthink my angry words. You can’t take back what you sat in anger. I do not want to be an angry person.  I try to remain positive in every situation.

I learned I have a temper and I need to step away and calm down. The angry version of me is unkind. The calm version of me is kind. I will no longer allow others to make me feel this level of upset or anger. It is my choice who I allow in my life. I wake up every day with a full heart and nothing but gratitude for the amazing people surrounding me.

I am not a fan of social media and never have been I wouldn’t have social media if I didn’t have a special BC cousin who convinced me we should stay connected. I would do anything for my family, and as my family  circle gets smaller, I will do everything I can to stay in touch. Family means everything to me.  I am thankful for social media in many ways as it keeps me connected to family and friends from afar to whom I wish I could be closer. I have reconnected with people I am so glad to hear from, sought out some of my favourite people, and had amazing conversations that we wouldn’t have gotten to have without social media, making it so easy and always at our fingertips.

Scary to think anyone is one just one click away. You have the ability to search for anyone or anything. I have a love dislike relationship with this. I struggle with social media and the amount of time I can waste looking at cute dog videos on Instagram. I have always tried my best to keep my son’s presence offline. I try to share all the important updates with family, but I have sheltered my information about my boy as best as I can. No judgement to those who post kiddos I love following all the moments I am cheering you on from the sidelines. I am always down for baby snuggles!

Recently I realized more than ever how precious our limited time is and I make the choice of who is allowed in my life. I will not allow myself to be upset by a message from someone who upsets me and brings nothing into my life. I get to make the decision. Silence is a decision. I do not have time or energy to waste on anything or anyone who doesn’t bring me positivity, light and love.

2023 Good riddance to my past and all my bad decisions. Nothing but good vibes moving forward. I am open to new adventures and opportunities coming my way!

 

An interesting fact and guilty pleasure of mine is that I love drama. Not my own drama. Other people’s drama. But don’t get me wrong I have had more than my share of my own personal drama.

In my younger years, I used to have a t-shirt that I loved that said: “Save the drama for your momma” I wore it until you could no longer read the words. I loved that t-shirt. It was white with red letters. Then it sadly became just dull white and faded.

To be honest with you all, I have had enough drama in my personal life to last me for a lifetime. Now I do everything to avoid having drama in my life. I’m the first to admit I created a trail of drama everywhere I went for years. I coated people’s lives with drama. I was like the glitter you couldn’t get rid of.

The worst version of myself was during the drama years. I wish I would have saved my drama for my momma as my t-shirt said. I am certain I gave my momma enough stress. Her early grey hairs had my name on them. I pray my son is a better teenager-young adult than I was.

I am most thankful I learned how to change my life, my thoughts, and my actions. To know when to leave the drama behind, how to walk away, and just make each simple day filled with love. To be a kinder more selfless version of myself, to draw out my kinder qualities. To help and accept help.

One of my biggest guilty pleasures today is that I love drama-filled reality TV. I am one of the biggest fans of “90-day fiancé” I enjoy how people fall madly in love and move across the world to be with each other. I love love. The fairy tale love that everyone dreams about, the kind we read about in our romance novels, until it all comes crashing down. I love to watch but my heart aches for the people who get hurt as the world watches. I am not sure how some people come back from that public heartbreak. I am glad that my biggest heart break was behind closed doors alone. I am thankful when I picked myself back up it was just my dog and a few close friends that were witness. I am not sure what I would have done if millions of people could have reached out and told me about their opinion on social media.  For the record I do not comment on any TV social media I keep my thoughts to myself, but I wish nothing but the best.

When I reflect on all the drama, I have had in my life what a horrible made for TV drama that could have been, then add in editing to include only the dramatic parts, the tell all’s, the sad moments, the things I would have said I didn’t mean I was just upset. TV really paints the worst versions of these people and yet I find myself unable to turn away. Sunday and Monday nights at 8PM are my reserved for TV times my guilty pleasure. Everyone knows and just lets me watch. I cry at all the wedding and the proposals. I am always so hopeful for anyone’s romance story! I have a tough time watching a season without googling to find out if the couples are still together.

I know I shouldn’t support this drama reality TV, but it is my guilty pleasure. It does remind me how fragile love is and how much work it takes to keep successful relationships. It reminds me to be thankful for the people in my life and to let them know every day how much I love and appreciate them.

I no longer engage in personal drama. I realized long ago that silence beats drama any day. If I have become silent it is because I do not have time for drama and I checked neither does my momma. Here’s to 2023 being quieter and filled with love.

Every day I work to make myself the best version of myself. Accept kindness and love. Sprinkle that shit on others like it is glitter they can never get off!

Sparkle on!

 

 

My entire life I have been told if I just put my walls down and opened my heart, I could receive signs from beyond. You nees to be open and acceptive.

I have always had a fascination with what happens when we are no longer in our physical bodies? I believe in spirits, ghosts, and a higher power. I love thinking did that just happen for a reason, was it a sign, a coincidence, or when you meet someone, you swear you knew before that meeting?

I have always wanted to know what my greatest gift is, my power, my mark to leave behind in this world. I have always thought I am more than the life I am living. The only person, place, or thing that is holding you back from your highest potential is yourself. I work on myself every day. I try to be the best version of myself. I keep working towards my dreams. I take leaps that I hope are for the best and I keep my dreams in sight. My 2023 goal is to make time available to the people, places, and things that are most important to me and bring me joy.

I do admit the last while I have struggled to be open to receiving signs. I have felt like I have lost my way and had my heart and mind taken up by other things. I vow to take back 2023 and accomplish more things on my bucket list.  To show up and write more each day. To share my accomplishments, my struggles, and my moments of teaching and learning. To dedicate more time to my love of writing this journey has opened my heart and my life to so many amazing opportunities. I am glad I got pushed-took the leap to start this page. Change is always a possibility.

Recently on a little road trip I read a book in a day that blew me away written by a psychic medium. I love that idea and I have been to a medium who blew my mind with accurate messages things she could never know from friends and family passed. I don’t like to seek out direct messages it is still something I would love to understand and be able to experience the capability to do.

The book I read in one sitting was called signs and is written by Laura Lynn Jackson. I saw this book recommended by a friend to another friend on social media, but I happened to see the recommendation and thought the book sounded interesting. Thankfully living in a small town with a quaint little book store I only had to cross the road to find a copy. I was so happy they had one copy left S-O-L-D. I found out this is the authors second book, The first book was sold out, but the lady happily ordered me a copy which I am beyond delighted to read this week!

I love the idea that loved ones are here with us. I get signs all the time and I laugh thinking of how I said I haven’t seen signs lately. I have one person who passed who vowed to haunt me and do fun things and I said if that was true, I hoped for the rest of my life to be haunted. I noticed after the passing those weird things started happening like my tv turning on while the remote was on the table not near me. I used to have electronics come on all the time. Finding dimes in my pathways thinking I wonder who sent me this, lately it has been quiet, and I have been in my own busy little world mind racing always busy. I haven’t had time to slow down and look around for signs.

Then a couple of weeks before I read this book, I was alone in my house rushing to get ready for an appointment when a dime hit me on the side of the head, I had a what the heck moment. I picked up the dime and looked around to make sure I was alone. I let out a laugh read the date and knew it was from the year you passed. I miss you! I will always be happy to have a sign and I give an extra point for making it funny!

The book signs made me bust out into tears and I had a sign while reading the book of a loved one near that I am not sure I would have noticed if not for this ladies’ words chapter after chapter the stories she shared filled my heart. This book has made me regain the spiritual side I loved about myself and has made me more open for a journey of love and understanding. I hope when I pass, I get to throw dimes at so many people. This book also made me think of all the love I am surrounded by each day and again grow my grateful list and reach out to more people to remind them how much I love them. As I look at turning 41 my heart is so full and so excited to see where this year takes me, I am sure I have more changes coming my way and I embrace where life takes me, and the signs let me know you are right here with me. Heaven has some of my favourite people. I have the best angles.

Thank you, Chicken, Lobster, Peach for putting this book in a path I would see it. I miss you girl and I hope 2023 we can get back to fun tea times filled with laughs that hurt and sharing pictures that make us spit out our tea!

Bring on the signs I am open and willing to embrace.

 

 

Does anyone else feel like 2023 just snuck up?

My whole holiday season flew by. As the days ticked by, I couldn’t seem to get it together. Winter crept up and my usual favourite holiday Christmas left a hole in my heart this year. I usually have all my decorations out and everything set and ready to do by the first of December. This year I barely had my tree up in time for Santa’s visit. My Opa was the biggest fan of Christmas and bringing the whole family together and while I was glad, we gathered I just feel like every time I looked at your chair, I missed your smiling face a million times more.

I was alone after the holidays with the house to myself. More time off than I knew what to do with. I decided to meet my Gran and her friend for lunch on New Year’s Eve. I hope this is a start of a fun new tradition as my face hurt from the laughter shared. There is no one else I would want to catch up with on the last day of the year. You always make my days better Gran. I am thankful Opa brought us together because I would be lost without you. I can’t wait to see where 2023 takes us from laughter to tears and back to laughter again.

Alone on New Year’s Eve evening, I decided to start a painting project one that I meant to start much earlier in the year, but time got away from me. I had the most horrifying electric neon green bathroom that I couldn’t use because the glare made my soul hurt. I got lost in a great crime podcast and started bringing calm to the walls, which made me reflect a lot on how my 2022 went and what I hope to accomplish in 2023. I love painting I think I have painted every surface of my house at least twice over. Give me a paint brush some good music or an addictive podcast and watch out. It will be out with the old and in with the new. This seems very fitting for the last day of the year.

I got an unexpected invite from one of my favourite people to join her and her boyfriend for New Year’s Eve I immediately declined I didn’t want to third wheel, but I did want to meet this gentleman, so I said you know what stop making excuses and do it! I took 15 minutes to clean the bright white primer off me, slapped on some mascara and lip gloss and was ready to go. I headed out to have a drink at a place I had not been in years and the people watching did not disappoint. Surround myself in good company set an intention for 2023. Thank you, giraffe Jen, for the invite you are one of my very favourite people and I am blessed that going into 2023 I know we will remain kick ass tall girlfriends. You are the only person crazy enough to agree to hike with me until our feet bleed. I am thankful for our chats, walks, tea and problem solving skills. 🤣

2023 I have decided that my time is important and that I need to make certain people and things I want to accomplish a priority. I set the intention that I will be mindful of my time. I have a list of people that I want to catch up with and that I am going to be available to reconnect. I am going to accept more invitations and try to add even more fun that I already have into each, and every day and my huge list of gratitude as always grows along with me.

Cheers to 2023!