For many years now I have been working on myself to make the best version of myself. I started writing to express myself and send simple helpful messages to others. I think the most important thing I have learned along this journey is the power of my words. I have used my words for both good and evil. I am not proud of some of the things I have said or done. But what is done I cannot change, however, I can learn, grow, and not make the same mistakes. I have no regrets because I am where I am today and I am thankful for my life.
For the last year, I stopped writing because I was struggling and I didn’t feel inspired anymore. While I was cleaning out the contents of my father’s house I found a couple of very angry letters I had written to him and it broke my heart that he kept them. In a moment of anger, I wanted to destroy him. It is one thing to say something mean you can come to forget that over time but the words on that paper, I wonder how many times he read that letter? How many years did he think I felt like that? I regret the many times over the years we didn’t talk. I was a very angry person. We are all doing the best we can with what we have and I wished I knew that wisdom then. I wish I never wrote those letters or at least burned them instead of mailing them to him. I had forgotten what I wrote in those as the years went on. I had a complicated but best-case-scenario relationship with my father. It wasn’t perfect but we made it work the best we could. I didn’t know my dad was doing his best with the skills and abilities he had. He was not prepared for me.
I wish that my dad would have thrown those letters out. It hurts my heart to think he read those more than once. Many years later he could still relive my moment of anger that I had long forgotten about. I never cooled down. I wrote that letter, I filled out the envelope and I walked it to the post office. I wrote in the heat of the moment. I should have calmed down. I should have ripped up that letter or in today’s times deleted that email or online post.
I still write letters I guess I am a bit old-fashioned but my letters come from a much kinder and understanding place. If I write something mean I set that free burn those words delete those emails or simply don’t reply you don’t have to engage.
In a moment of anger let it go. I have now learned kinder and healthier ways of dealing with the anger that I feel. I want to use my words now more to leave kind and loving marks on the world. I think as a younger me I didn’t know how to love myself and appreciate all the good around me I got stuck in the negative and blame. I let what others thought of me eat me alive. I didn’t take time to cool down or sleep on a thought before writing out how I felt. I had red-light rage and I said what was on my mind. It wasn’t always a good thing to do but I felt better getting the mean feelings off my chest. I approach my anger from the other side now and try to put myself in the shoes of the person reading the words. Yes, it is okay to be upset and angry these are natural emotions but you can express how you feel still calmly and from a place of love. You will have a much better chance of solving things calmly than screaming at the top of your lungs. I do not wish to be involved in anything that makes me so upset I have to yell to feel I have gotten my point across. Yelling makes you lose your voice for a reason the natural way to shush you.
Calm down, let it go, and ask yourself is it worth writing?
What are some healthy ways you deal with anger?
I have come to love quiet time in a world that never is silent I need silence. I used to be scared to be alone in silence but it is one of the best times of my day. I love to meditate, do yoga, read a book, walk in nature, look at art, colour, paint, create, and just lay still for a couple of minutes and observe my breath. I ask for a few minutes each day that belong just to me. I need to let things go in those moments. Healing time.
Control your breathing, control your mind, and control your words.
Never let a moment of written anger haunt you for the rest of your life or someone else’s life. Use your words in calm, kind, and loving ways. Do your best!