Month: February 2025

I curse and thank my former co-worker friend who introduced me to diamond painting. It’s like paint by number, but with shiny diamonds and this one has swear words. My first diamond painting was a flamingo gifted to me for my flamingo wall, which I love.

Diamonds and swear words are some of favourite things. I needed a winter calmness project and a reminder to let things go. This year has forced me to face my past more than I ever wanted. I have had to catch myself a million times reminding myself to care less and saying that it is the past let that shit go. You cannot change the past you can only plan for a better future. In moments when I felt overwhelmed and that my plate was too full, I cranked my tunes and diamond painted. Tune out the stress and calm down. I have always struggled with feeling cooped up in the winter season. Working from home and visiting my dad’s nursing home has taken an extra toll on my mental health. Adulting has left me little time to see my friends and fill my soul. Never enough hours in the day!

I have to remind myself to take time for myself and with each decision I have been forced to make that affects others to let that shit go. I remind myself I am doing my best and if my best isn’t good enough FUCK IT! I have had my dad’s whole life to figure out and my son’s biological father made a quick appearance in his life which forced me to face a hard part of my past and I had to make a million decisions. Between my overthinking and lack of sleep, I need projects to distract me. I laugh thinking I am amazing at problem solving if the problems aren’t mine. I see so much clearly when my heart isn’t involved.

Life has hard chapters, and I hope this one for me ends soon. I dislike making decisions for others as it causes me stress and heartache. I thank my friends and family who have supported me. Those who have listened to me cry. I am thankful for all the love, support, kind words, and recommendations!

I am thankful for my loud music that calms my soul and for swearing diamond painting that took me months but I completed it and I love it! Now I have to frame and find the perfect place to hang this picture, somewhere that this is a daily reminder to me.

I think I am going to have to find a third masterpiece as the winter keeps dragging on. I found this beauty on Amazon if you want to join me in diamond painting. Shine like a diamond and remember you are one of a kind.

In moments that you need calmness and grounding how do you calm yourself?

 

It has been one thousand and ninety-five days since you left us. As I stare at those words it doesn’t feel real. These have been the quietest most challenging days.

You were my Opa, my best friend and my role model. We talked everyday sometimes more than once, and I never knew how much I needed that in my life until you were gone. You inspired me and always made me feel like I could do anything. My biggest cheerleader, no one ever believed in me like you did. I have felt lost since you left.

I know that heaven has some of my favourite people and from the other side you keep cheering me on. I still talk out loud and try to keep you in the loop. I wonder what you would think of all the changes in my life. I wonder if you would finally have liked a boyfriend I brought home. When we were doing some things around the farm, I could only imagine the smile you would have had on your face and the coffee break chat we would have had. I was never lucky in love, and you hugged me a lot over dumb broken heart moments. I always wanted the love you shared with Gran. We had so many funny laughing moments over my struggles with love. I told you when you get to heaven find my man and throw him into my path. Thanks for doing that, I know you still have a big part in the way my life goes. I picture you sipping coffee and laughing like we always did over chats. I laugh thinking of how I didn’t want my love story to be someone swiping online and how hard it was for you to grasp the world of online dating. Oh how the times changed in your 87 years.  I loved when you used to tell me about how you found the love of your life. You made me always believe in a higher standard of love. You showed me a level of love I never knew existed. I now feel that level of love you used to tell me about. I swear if this isn’t it then I am collecting dogs forever! We used to laugh about that and no matter how many time my heart got broken you promised I would find my forever love I just wish you were here to celebrate with me.

You always listened you never judged me. You surrounded me with love and always wanted me to have the greatest life. You helped me create this amazing life for my son. You picked me more than once and helped me more times than I can count. You taught me how important family and friends are and friends who become family. You always answered my call no matter how big or small or what I needed to talk about you were there. I knew one day the line would go quiet, but I never knew how much the quiet could hurt.

I laugh at every psychic medium I have seen since you passed and how you are the first person to come through with a message.  I picture you running to the front of the line, you always had lots to talk about. While I know you are here, and I see the signs it is not the same, but I hope you guide me through the hard times and celebrate the good times. I wonder what you would say about the struggles with my dad’s health. I wonder what you would say about the changes I made to my work life. I wonder what you would say about the gentleman your grandson has grown into. I wonder what you would say about my recent reno disaster. I wonder what you would think of my white tent event.

We would have so many things to catch up with you on from the last one thousand and ninety-five days. Most importantly know how much you are loved and will forever be apart of all my days. I miss your laugh, your smile and your loving words. You may be gone but you will forever live on through those you left behind. I love you Opa.