Take me to my happy place

Take me to my happy place…….

I love the saying, “when you are upset just go to your happy place”. The first therapist I ever saw always said to picture your happy place. When I was mad and stuck in negativity it was hard to picture anywhere nice or, to see anything good. When I closed my eyes I didn’t wanna see, I wanted to forget. Once I finally got to a place where I could visualize. I would close my eyes and I could see me sitting on a beach. The sun would be shining down on me, making my skin glow and keeping me warm. I could feel the breeze off the water making my hair messy. I could see my feet buried in the sand. I could hear the waves crashing on shore. I could look out and see a huge body of water with an island off in the distance. I feel completely satisfied alone in a place of paradise. I always remember going to my happy place alone. The thought of being alone until now has always terrified me.

When I moved to Vancouver Island I was obsessed with being near the ocean. I truly thought the ocean would heal my broken heart. I needed to be close to the ocean or to see it every day. My biggest regret about my time on the Island is that I never made it to Tofino. Truth is I was so stressed out. I was still so negative. I was focused on what was not working out for me instead of making things work for me. I could only see what I didn’t have, not what I did. I felt like I failed. I was stuck in a cycle of negative thoughts and was only seeing the negativity. I ultimately set myself up for failure. I had not yet discovered the way to change my thinking and change my life. I was stuck playing the victim in my own sad story. I didn’t know I could rewrite my ending and that this didn’t have to last forever. I thought starting over just meant running away to a place where people knew less about me. I thought if I just forgot about my problems they would go away. I didn’t know how to deal with my problems in a healthy way. I packed my problems up so tightly and carried them around for way to long. I got caught in a cycle of all things negative. I created a world that wouldn’t work for me. I was my own worst enemy. I was terrified to go back to the Island and visit my Island family because I thought I was such a failure. I came back to Ontario and I messed up my life a whole lot more.

I decided in 2018 I am going back to Vancouver Island. I wanted to show my son the beauty of British Columbia and introduce him to some of his most wonderful family members. My son’s world sometimes seems small because all he has is my side of the family. Our family here sometimes seems small, but my family in British Columbia, oh goodness, there are so many of them. I don’t even know in all in my trips and all my travels if I have met everyone yet.

On July 12, 2018 while visiting my Island family my cousin Noah suggested a trip to Tofino and I almost cried I was that excited and happy to finally be able to go. I got to experience Tofino on the most beautiful July day. The sky was endless sunshine. The ocean was wavy and surfers were out enjoying the perfect day. I always pictured myself enjoying a day in Tofino alone just me and the ocean. I am glad I never made it alone and filled with negativity. I never would have appreciated it like I did with my cousin and my son by my side. We shared so many smiles, laughs and stories that day I will never forget how much fun the three of us had. I laugh now thinking how it all worked out for the best. Life just has a way of always working out for the best when you’re living a life of positivity!

While sitting on long beach looking out at a little island I said, “this is what I see when I go to my happy place”. Funny story right where I was sitting behind me the house on the ocean was for sale. I took a picture and have been dreaming of this house ever since. I have my original picture and the online Realtor listing on my vision wall. I just need a big lottery win!
Tofino is my destination dream place. Tofino is a place that I have seen for years in my visions of what my happy place looks like. It is a place I dream to visit again someday. A place I hope to share with my cousin Noah and my son. When I go to my happy place I can see the three of us sitting on the beaching laughing and everything in life is good.

My everyday happy place is in the corner of my living room in my chaise chair looking out the window towards Lake Ontario. This is the perfect place to enjoy a cup of tea, to watch a show, to read a book, to dream up my next idea. When I moved to my house three years ago now, I had a long list of wants and wishes but most importantly I needed to be able to see the water. Something about the water just fills my heart with happiness. I am a water sign. I go down to the water pretty much every day and I just breathe in the beauty of it all. The lake is ever changing and beautiful in all the seasons.

I am beyond grateful to have experienced Tofino on such a beautiful day with two of my favourite people. Thank you to Noah and thank you to my son. I cannot wait until we can do it again. It’s not a goodbye, it’s a see you later kinda moment. I am thankful to have such a beautiful place and to live to have my own little happy place in my house. I spend a few minutes each day in my happy place dreaming. I am thankful to myself for all the hard work I have done to make it to this moment in life. When you find your positive light life becomes easier. Make your life your happy place.