Let go

Let go….

Let go and let the positivity flow. This is a lesson I wish I had learned a long time ago. I was the queen of holding on. I wore this crown of negativity with great pride. I held on to the negativity like it was my security blanket. My happy place looked black and hopeless. I took every negative thing, that was ever said about me or to me, everywhere I went. I only focused on the bad, the mean and the down-right ugly parts of my life. I let the negativity destroy my life. I only envisioned the black hole of doom. I could only hear the negative remarks on repeat. Slowly, but surely driving me mad. I packed it around day after day, month after month and year after year, until I finally had enough. I broke free.

I saw the light of positivity and once I jumped in with both feet I haven’t looked back. I think I have changed every part of my life. Listen up, this didn’t happen overnight. It took years to believe my negativity, you can guarantee it has taken years to accept my positivity. It is a lifetime of a work always in progress. Always learning and always trying something new. I am not an expert. I am just doing my best. I am proof that anyone can change. You just have to want it. Anything is possible. If I can do, it then so can you!

I have gained many tools and coping techniques from a lot of different people on this journey. I have done my best to keep an open heart and mind to everyone’s recommendations. No matter how crazy the thought or idea were. Trust me I would have tried anything to kick this madness of living in negativity. Living in negativity only ends in one way. You give up and you no longer want to live. I tasted that. I almost died. I almost died before I got to experience the best parts of my life. Don’t give up. Your life is worth living.

It was not easy to rid myself of my negativity. To free myself of the things I held on for so long. I had a lot of negative things I carried around with me for so many years, some since childhood. I’m in my late 30’s working towards 40, so that’s a long time. When I can start a story with, 20 years ago, it’s been too long. LET GO. Get rid of the negative thoughts that have held you back. Learn to replace them with empowering positive thoughts.

I have said a lot of apologies to people who I know I hurt. I had to accept that I wouldn’t get an apology from everyone I felt wronged me. I had to accept that my life wasn’t perfect. I had to accept my failures as lessons learned. The fact that I tried, whether I failed or succeeded, made me who I am today. For this reason, no I would not change my life. Do I wish I would have done things differently? YES! Do I wish I had snapped out of my negative wasteful life sooner? HELL YES! Wanting, hoping and dreaming of changing the past is just down right crazy! It cannot be done so don’t waste your time trying to defend your past. Understand the lessons learned. Move forward, that’s the only way to go. Jump two feet into today and rock it. Know that you can start each morning over. So yesterday sucked? Big deal not every day can be the best freaking day ever. I still have days where I sit down and I think what the heck was that? But now instead of crying and sinking into the black hole of death, doom and woe is me crap. I sit down and I think wow I got through that day and usually I learned something. No, the days don’t always go as planned but I am not in charge of everything. I cannot control the world. Imagine if I could though. Oh, the blinged out, bejeweled crown I would wear. You would need sunglasses just to look at it. I am thankful when I have a bad day I have wonderful friends, family, coworkers and people in the community to turn to. I can take the Caddy out for a cruise pending the bad day happens between April and October. I can sit out on my deck looking at the lake and breathe and remember how freaking lucky I am.

Remember to be kind to yourself. Do something you love each day. Remind yourself how lucky you are to still be here. Make a list of all the things you need to let go and slowly but surely tackle that list. It could take a minute, an hour, a day, a month, a year or a lifetime. It doesn’t matter how long it takes. Just keep moving forward. Let go and let the positivity flow.