Author: sascha

Believe in yourself and what you are doing and you will go far in life…

In 2005 I was in college for Corrections. I never dreamed of working as a prison guard like the degree is usually used for. I dreamed of working in programs to help rehabilitate offenders. I always wanted to help. In my last year of college I did two placements that forever changed my life and the way I view offenders.

My first placement was with Canadian Families and Corrections Network. I was able to go into the federal prisons in the Kingston area. I got to experience how visitors enter to visit, including the process of being searched. I was okay with this until you can’t touch the search dog. But the dog was always so darn handsome. I was able to be a part of family visitation days. I would join in the visiting areas by the inmates and family members. I would meet with families who were faced with the most unimaginable futures. I was lucky enough to be able to experience family days and see the love. I helped with the children’s programs. I met so many sweet children who made me some of the most amazing art. I was able to see how inmates are placed upon arrival and the programs available to them from schooling to drugs and alcohol programs. This was an eye opening experience to say the least.

My second placement was at a place called Bridge House. The house was for families of inmates. It has since closed down but it was a non-profit, government home that was around for more than twenty years. It was founded by a federal inmate’s wife who saw the need for support and affordable accommodations. The cost per night in 2005 I believe was $15.00. The kitchen you soon understood was the heart of the home. The visitors, staff and women of the community came together and shared meals and stories. I had great conversations and tears with some of the most amazing women I have met to date. I even learned how to cook a few meals. The guests at Bridge House could make local phone calls and receive collect calls from the prisons. It also offered transportation to the prisons in the area. It was a much needed service and after its closure was greatly missed. I am so thankful I had the opportunity to have my placement here. I saw the need for this house.

While doing this placement I met a lady who I clicked with instantly. I ended up helping her relocate to Kingston. She allowed me to help with her prison wedding. I got to know her and always looked forward to our time together. She made my days brighter. When she left Bridge House I broke some rules and hid a gift for her because deep in my heart I knew it was the last time I would see her. She hid a notebook for me which was purple butterflies, my absolute favourite. I would like to share the note she wrote to me. It’s one I read often and I wish I knew where she was today!

“Dear Sascha, Just a little thank you for helping me. It’s been a pleasure being with you. Your light humour is wonderful and it helped me through some rough days. Much thanks!

“Now listen up here” ha ha Ok a few more ha has is always good!

Believe in yourself and what you are doing and you will go far in this life. I told you from the first time we talked that you were special and guess what? You still are. The skies the limit for you. Take what you can get from it and go for it.

All the best to you, the future looks bright and sunny for you. It’s yours for the taking.”

She had such beautiful penmanship. She then signed the letter and disappeared. This letter has survived 15 years with me through every move I have made. I think of all the laughs we shared. She also had an amazing sense of humour. We shared so many laughs and a few tears. Her life story was inspiring and I am honoured she shared it with me. She always used to say to me “now listen up here” and when I read that I can hear her voice and see her face, forever frozen in my memory. I cherish how kind she and her husband were to me. I never met him but he always used to chat when he called. She believed in me way before I believed in myself and I wish I could give her a big hug and say thank you! You forever changed my life in the most positive ways and 15 years later I still think of you. I hope you are doing fabulous!

Recently I made a list of all the positive people who changed my life and you were right there at the top. Not everyone on my list is still in my life but for those times we shared and your inspiring messages thank you. I am such a lucky woman!

Be kind with your words you never know who will hold onto them. Tell people how much you love them. Life is wild you may never get another chance. Today is your day!

Anything is possible…

When you said these three words to me it brought tears to my eyes. I tuck my son into bed and we always have this cute goodnight that warms my heart. I always say “I love you son” to which he says “I love you more mom” Then I say “I love you the most” He says “I love you even more than you think” I say “I love you even more than you know” He says “I love you more than that” I usually just laugh and say goodnight and smother him in kisses but tonight I said “That’s not possible I love you the most” He only heard that’s not possible and he grabbed my face and said “Ma, anything is possible”

My son is an old soul who never ever stops talking. I have had a headache since 2013, ha. Yes, he even talks in his sleep. Sometimes he says something and it really makes me stop and think. After he told me anything is possible he went on to list a million things that are possible, probably just conning me into staying up later but I admit it was adorable and it worked.

I love his attitude towards life. He does honestly believe that whatever he puts his mind to he can do and I never want him to lose this ability.

Believe in your dreams.

When it comes right down to it, in life, if you believe anything is possible this attitude will be the fuel you need to succeed. This is the attitude that will make you unstoppable.

Most of my life I believed I was worthless and I wouldn’t amount to much in life. I was just waiting around to die. I convinced myself nothing was possible and this shitty life was all I was ever going to have. I wasted day in and day out. I wasted away at dead end jobs. I wasted away in relationships that were toxic. I just hoped every day I woke up it would be my last day. I dreamed of dying and I thought if I died no one would care. I lived in a black cloud of doom and gloom.

When I look back at this time in my life I am so very glad I didn’t die at the hands of someone else and I am glad I didn’t take my own life. I know how hard it is to see out of the darkness and into the light. I have come very close to forever darkness and no longer being here.

I am here to say anything is possible.

Stuck in my negativity I would have laughed if you would have said fast forward to 2019-2020 you will be a positive life coach, a blogger and working on writing the book of my dreams. I could never focus on long term I could barely get through a day.

Slowly I did make changes to my life. Every day I made positive life changes. I found my worth and my life took off. I think I changed every aspect of my life in order to start over on this path to positivity. I believe in myself and I am up for any challenge. I stand up for what I believe in and I get results.

The biggest part was changing my negative thought patterns. This did not happen overnight. It’s like updating an old computer it takes time. Nothing happens fast. I didn’t learn to think negatively in a day so I didn’t fix it in a day. It has honestly taken me years and I still sometimes catch myself thinking something and have to shut it down and replace it. Yes, I know how crazy this sounds to those of you reading this stuck in negativity. The first time I ever heard someone talk about positive thinking and replacing thoughts, well, I thought she was crazy. Legit one hundred percent crazy, that was until I looked around at the conference she was hosting and the room was packed with thousands of other people who were chanting positive thoughts along with her. Louise Hay was one heck of a game changer in her day and still going forward with the Hay House Corporation. If you haven’t heard of Louise Hay or Hay House, get googling.

Truth is anything is possible if you believe in yourself. Keep moving forward. Live with kindness. Be kind to yourself and those you meet. Keep a positive mindset and be open to the lessons life throws your way. Never stop learning and never stop believing anything is possible.

Power thought cards….

Years ago I was given this deck of Power thought cards. This deck of cards is by Louise Hay and includes 64 cards. Yes, unlike ordinary cards which have 52 cards this deck comes with more. These cards are in a beautiful flower themed box and each one has a powerfully inspiring message with a gorgeous picture. I keep them on my desk and I often pull a card and smile at the thought. Anytime I am feeling stuck they give me a quick new thought. Like a good powerful distraction.

Today when I am struggling to come up with just the right word for a sentence in my book I saw the deck of cards on the corner of my desk. I needed a distraction because the idea wasn’t coming to me so it’s time to switch gears. I decided to see what today’s message of inspiration would be. It was so perfect I had to share.

The card I pulled from the deck and it’s a wonderfully coloured dark orange fading to light orange card. The picture on the front is eyes with a blue flower running between the eyes and the card says “I accept my uniqueness” The back of the card reads “There is no competition and no comparison, for we are all different and meant to be that way. I am special and wonderful. I love myself”

It has taken me a lot of years to get to the point I can say I love myself. Today I absolutely love being me. I am Sascha Davis. I am living out my dreams. I learned to love everything about me. I embrace who I am and what I am doing. I wake up ready to take on the day, whatever the day holds! The good, bad or ugly, let’s do this day! You know how people wanna shout from the roof tops when they are in love? Instead of shouting from the roof top, loving myself makes me wanna sing, “I love myself today” by Bif Naked. Trust me you wanna crank this song and sing along. Feel good song of the day!

Truth is I struggled with my “uniqueness” over the years. I always thought I was down- right weird. Turns out I am and I freaking love it. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I embrace who I am and what I am doing. I approach each day with positivity, love and understanding. I remember that it’s easier to be kind to yourself and everyone else. Each and every day I do my best and if my best isn’t good enough f@ck it!

I spent most of my life sucked into negativity. I lived my life for someone else, anyone else. The thought of loving my self was like some crazy whacky idea I could not wrap my head around. I poured my love into toxic relationships. I searched high and low for the wrong persons love. I changed my looks hoping for other people’s approval. People were not kind to me so in return I was not kind to them. I never knew what self-love was until I took the time to learn how to love myself. I was always trying to be whoever I thought you needed. I lived for everyone else and I forgot to live for me. Sound familiar? I completely lost who I was! I so badly wanted to please everyone else. I found myself saying who is Sascha Davis? I got sucked into a black hole of negative thoughts. Negative thoughts that haunted me and almost convinced me life wasn’t worth living. Talk about a broken record in my head, negativity over and over, the same crap until I believed it. What if I said kind things about myself over and over would I then believe those? Does it only work with negativity? I had to know more. Enough! I had enough! I would have screamed that from the roof tops but I didn’t because in my negative mind I thought no one would help me. You cannot make anyone else change, I know from experience you can only change yourself. You have to want to make this change. I did. I 1000% did. Deep down I always thought life had to be more than what I was doing.

I learned to erase negative thoughts. I learned to accept the things I could not change. Embrace the things that make me unique. I learned my values. I learned my dreams. I learned what was most important to me. I no longer allow other people’s judgments to matter in my life. I live for me! I am living my dream not yours. It is so easy in today’s times to get sucked into social media. You only see small clips of people’s lives. People make their lives look perfect in pictures. It’s hard to avoid drama and negativity. It’s hard to take negative feedback with a smile. It’s hard to not over think situations or things said about you or to you. I know the struggle is real, I lived it.

It is not easy to break free but it is the most amazing feeling. Today I live for me. I write my truth and I do my best to inspire others that anything is possible with the right mind set. If I can do this than you can too!

Like the quote by Wayne W Dyer “change your thoughts change your life”

Make yourself a priority….

What are you doing in your everyday life to make yourself a priority? What time of the day is your time? What activity is your activity?

Too often we get swept up in the days doing everything for everyone else. I am guilty of this. I believe I am a born helper. I want to help everyone I meet. I enjoy helping others. I do admit though that in this helping process has led to me being “burnt out” for a while. I know what it is like to feel like this day in and day out. You gave your all and you have nothing left to give. You give and you give and you forget about yourself. This takes a huge toll on your mental health. Yes, I have had my struggles with mental health. Usually when I forget to care about myself then I end up getting sick.

Find your time. Find your passion.

In order to make myself a priority I had to learn to say no to others. This was, and sometimes still is, a hard thing for me to do. I know I cannot help everyone but for those I do, know that I give it my all. I do my best.
In order to make myself a priority I had to say yes to myself. I struggled with this at first but now I love time to myself. When I was stuck in negativity I was the last person I wanted to spend time with. I laugh as I type this because if I didn’t want to spend time with me why would anyone else? The only types of people who wanted to hang out with me were people stuck in the same kind of darkness.

My time is usually first thing in the morning or late at night. I struggle most nights to sleep. I am usually awake before my son and I enjoy having coffee in quiet. This gives me time to gather my thoughts and plan the day. I have a comfy chair on the deck facing the lake and I enjoy taking in the morning sights and smells. On days when I am too much of a wuss I can sit inside on my comfy chair looking at the lake. The water is my happy place. A big part in why I purchased my house is because I am close to the water. I am a water sign. The sunrises and sunsets over the lake are breathtaking. The sounds of the waves crashing upon shore are soothing. The view is one I will never get over. Every day I am so very thankful for where I live. I usually have a few minutes each day for fitness. I crank my angry blood pumping tunes and I run, I bike, I do yoga or an online work out class. I need these few minutes in the day to get back on track. I often come up with my writing ideas when I am working out. I don’t have a set time of the day that is one hundred percent mine and not every day goes as planned. Again, I don’t control the world even though I think I could rock that crown, ha. I just do my best to claim some part of the day as just time and I do something that is just for me. It’s the best feeling in the world.

Make yourself a priority. Find your time.

My passion is writing. I have always been a writer. For years and years I have written in journals. I have written poetry. I have written short stories. I just have never been brave enough to share my writing. I was always worried I wouldn’t be good enough. I wonder who am I writing for? I am writing for me because it’s something I love to do. So what if no one reads it? So what If I fail? I have had one heck of a fun time doing this. Yes it’s been a bit intimidating at times. Sharing my thoughts and feelings feels a bit like I am exposing myself. I started this journey as a life coach to share my experiences be it good or bad and have people grow and learn from them. I royally messed up my life but here I am still going forward. I am living my dream!

Blogging has opened up so many doors for me. I never dreamed that so many people would read my blog and reach out with such wonderful feedback. When I can sit and write I am at my happiest. I cannot wait for you all too read my book! I have never been so excited to live out my dream. I am doing it! You can do it too.

Find your time. Find your passion.

NES……

Nintendo Entertainment System was all the rage in the 80’s. My older brother got a NES for Christmas. Dad engraved his initials J.V.D into the bottom of the console. I have to admit my brother is good at everything he does, games included. My dad was thrilled when he beat him once but it never happened again. My older brother is not one to play games against, you will lose. Welcome to my childhood of always being player number two and waiting forever until he beat the game. Only to get a thirty second chance to play before I died. I was always Luigi and I could never beat any of the games. We would spend hours trying to find the princess only to find she’s in another castle. How many castles does this princess need? Don’t you dare get me started on Duck Hunt. If that dog pops up and laughs one more time about my shooting skills so help me. Maybe my anger started here in the pixels of Duck Hunt. ha.

Did you ever play NES for so long you had the arrow button became impressed into your thumb? Your hands cramped up from holding that controller for what seemed like an eternity? For some reason it felt like you could make the jump if you squeezed the controller harder and threw the cord with you whichever way you were going. No? Just me? My eyes felt like they were going to bleed from all the pixel goodness. I might have needed the glasses I have today from all the NES I played in my childhood.

My brother wasn’t the only good gamer, oh no move over sir, enter my step mom. Growing up she played Dr. Mario like it was her job. She and her friends stacked the pills and killed the germs like professionals. She started on the hardest levels with the fastest settings. I can remember sitting with my step sisters and the game was going so fast it hurt our eyes to watch. Then when we got a turn to play it was on the slowest setting and on the first level and we struggled to stay alive. The struggle was real!

Oh how the times have changed and the gaming systems have gotten far too complex. What’s up with all the buttons? I miss the simple days of the NES. Whatever happened to start, select and keeping it simple? Now they have buttons on the sides, top, back, and front of controllers. Sweet goodness, there’s a reason I can’t game in current times. The graphics are so clear and the button combos are far too complex for me to master.

When I moved out on my own I tried to convince my step mom to give me the old Nintendo but that didn’t happen so I turned to Kijiji and e-bay. I am happy to say I purchased not only the NES console, controllers, duck hunt gun and most of the games I once tried to beat and some new games too. Yes you still have to hit reset a million times until the picture loads correctly. Sometimes you have to wiggle the cartridge or take it out and blow on it. But after all these years it still runs like a dream.

Nothing is as calming as kicking it old school with the NES. I am happy to report as an adult and not being playing number two. I am pretty darn good at these games from the 80’s. I have even beaten a few.

The controller now seems smaller in my hand. As a kid I felt like it was a giant thing to hold. The victory of beating the game is a feeling that cannot be topped. I played Dr. Mario against my step mom as an adult and I won! Victory is mine! I have yet to meet anyone who can beat me in Dr. Mario. No need to challenge me, I like thinking I am the best. I even have a Dr. Mario tattoo on my hip. Forever making Dr. Mario my favourite NES game.

Jaws is a game I never experienced as a kid, but have come to love as an adult. It didn’t come with any instructions and it makes no sense but when you win and fly off into the pixel sunset. It makes the struggle of killing jellyfish and stingrays, collecting shells, fly planes, finding submarines and hit jaws with a boat all worth it.

It has all been fun and games, until recently when I thought it would be exciting to set up and play duck hunt with my son and my niece. Both kids are 7 years old about the age I was when I started learning to play Nintendo. I was showing them how the game worked and I reached level 10. Something I have never done before, apparently I am really down right horrible at this game. I felt like I was finally on fire and making great headway. Feeling great, until my niece, first try makes it to level 13 like she was hired and paid to take those ducks out. Even worse my son, comes up after her, boom same right to level 13. Oh duck hunt, a game I will forever dislike. Keep laughing dog!

Here’s too many more days and nights filled with NES goodness. Thank you to the friends and family who have come and shared some laughs and played some games.

What was your favourite NES game? What is a game you would recommend I try?

I am sorry and I forgive you….

Forgiveness is defined as “the release of resentment or anger. Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. One doesn’t have to return to the same relationship or accept the same harmful behaviors from an offender. Forgiveness is vitally important for the mental health of those who have been victimized.” This is a powerful process to healing yourself.

Raise your hand if you need to forgive? Raise your hand if you have been the victim? I would have raised both hands way up as high as I could. I have held onto resentment and anger for so many years like a god damn professional. Resentment and anger were my way of life for far too long. Resentment and anger are what I lived for. This started in me as a child, snow balled as a teen and as an adult until I hated pretty much everyone and everything including myself. I wasn’t able to change into the positive person I am today without saying I am sorry and I forgive you.

I know I have not always been an easy person to be around and I admit it. I was boiling with hate because I didn’t know how to understand others and forgive. Yes, some of this hate was caused by the things other people said and did. Yes, some of the hate was caused by things I did. Yes, some of this hate was fueled in my failures. Yes, some of this hate was because I blamed myself for what happened to me. I cannot control everything that happens but I can control my reaction.

When you get stuck being the victim in a sad story, you get so overwhelmed being the main character, you forget about all the other people in the story. You don’t care about anyone else. You blame, you hate and you stay stuck. I lived this life for far too long. Instead of focusing on the good in my life, I only saw the dark the parts I hated. Instead of seeing the good people surrounding me, I only saw the people who kept me stuck. Again I cannot stress this enough you attract the same kind of people into your life. When I was stuck being negative I kept finding more and more negative people to stay stuck with me, who hated all the same things I did. People who wanted to partake in the same self-destructive behaviours. Holding onto hatred will do you no good. Holding onto hatred is horrible for your mental health. Learn to heal.

Change doesn’t come easy. Change doesn’t happen overnight. It took me a lot of years to fill myself with hatred and it took me a lot of years to fill my life with positivity. I had to learn to say I am sorry for what I have done and I forgive you for what you have done to a lot of people in order to move forward in life. Some people I reached out to and I said it too them personally. Some people accepted my apology, others didn’t. I know that I did my best and if they are not in a place to accept then I hope one day they will. Some people I have lost track of over the years and so I had to accept how to move on without formal forgiveness. You do whatever you have to do to move past what is keeping you stuck. I can honestly say today there isn’t a person I wouldn’t say I am sorry or, I forgive you, to and even give them a hug. Life is too short to stay pissed off or filled with hatred. Even those people who made it to the top of my hated hit list over the years, I accept your apology and I forgive you. This does not mean that I want to have all these people back in my life, don’t get me wrong. It means I am healing from the situation and wishing them the best on whatever path life takes them. I believe that people come into your life and they teach you lessons you need to learn going forward. Like chapters or books, not everyone stays forever but for the time they are in your life they can teach you so much if you accept the lessons good or bad.

Yes things happened to me and I did things I wish I didn’t do. However I cannot go back and change what has happened. So why carry it around and keep living it over and over? Keep on hating for the rest of my life for something in the past it’s such a waste of time. I am not saying forgive every little thing that happens immediately. We all have our process and our ways of dealing with situations. I am saying that when you understand the situation and choose to see the good that can come from it you will learn to apologize and forgive. You will learn to be a more positive person and attract great people into your life.

Try starting with removing the word hate. The word hate is such an over-used but powerful word. Hating results in a lot of pain and destruction for everyone involved. It should actually never be used. If you can remove it from your vocabulary you will realized that you never really hated anything or anyone. You may have a profound dislike or were deeply hurt and so you feel defensive. Focus on the feeling rather than the scapegoat generalization of hate. It will be the first step to forgiveness and healing. Forgiveness will allow you to move forward and release the burden so you can heal.

Learn to choose positivity. Eliminate hate. Learn to forgive and say sorry.

Attitude alignment…

I recently read a quote that hit home with me and I wanted to share it with you. It said “The only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude”

How freaking true is that?

This got me thinking, like inspirational quotes often do. A guilty pleasure of mine is that I love quotes. I have quotes all around my house. No matter where I am in the house it reminds me to choose positivity. Kind, simple words, often put me in a much better mood. Remind me that being in a good mood will make the day much easier and enjoyable. This is not just for myself but for those who are around me.

I set positive quotes as my background on my phone, tablet, laptop and this computer I write from. I use positive quotes as my passwords. I turn beautiful pictures that I have taken into the backgrounds for quotes on this website. Sometimes when I am finding it particularly difficult to get through the day I make quotes with my favourite sayings so I always have them with me. I keep a file on my phone, because I usually have my phone everywhere I go, so I can stop and redirect myself at any time of the day. I have the power. My favourite quote comes from my Opa. My life’s motto is “Do your best and if your best isn’t good enough fuck it” This quote always put me right back on track. I never give up and I always keep working towards my goals. I know that I am doing my best

What is your favourite quote?

I have mentioned before that in my office is a vision wall. It started out as a board and quickly grew to the whole side of my office. Anytime I am working and I feel like I need inspiration, bam, right there, a whole wall. My wall is covered in quotes that I love to read, quotes that inspire me. My wall is filled with my accomplishments. My accomplishments remind me I am fierce and I can do this. My wall has visions of all the things I plan to do in the future. My wall has beautiful pictures from places I have traveled and places I still want to go. I do my running in front of this wall to remind myself that I always have something to be thankful for. Running helps me clear my mind and I often write these blogs after a run. Staring at my visions, quotes, hopes, dreams and accomplishments often sparks an idea for the next blog.

I admit I have been guilty of being that girl with a bad attitude. If you could only see the negative and be in a bad mood, well that was me for years on repeat. What a waste of a life! Again, as a reminder, my change did not happen overnight or even in a year. It has taken me years of work on the path to being a better positive person. It’s a lifetime of work. When you are stuck being negative what do you attract? The same kind of people! My life was filled with negativity. I had toxic friendships and relationships. I didn’t want to be alone in my negativity and misery loves company. It is possible to remove toxic people from your life and it is possible to change from being that toxic person. You do not have to stay stuck in negativity anymore. You have to want to change and you have to believe in yourself. It is the best thing I ever did.

Today I am happy to say that for the most part my days are good. My attitude is that of understanding. I understand that not every day is going to go as planned. I understand that I cannot control the way my day goes. I understand I can control my attitude when things do happen. This is probably the hardest adjustment I have had to make and I still struggle sometimes. I am not perfect but I am trying. I understand I have to be flexible and deal with things as they come up. I know that I cannot solve all my problems on my own and its okay to ask for help. I used to think asking for help meant I failed and I had to admit it. In a way asking for help is a sign I failed but it’s also a great opportunity to meet other people, to see other people’s point of views or the way they do things. Asking for help has allowed me to network with so many wonderful people I am thankful to have in my life.
I have learned that the only thing you can change is yourself and how you react to the challenges you face every day be it big or small. A negative reaction will not solve anything or make life better, only choosing to face the challenges in a positive way and ask for help. Oh yes and when you ask for help accept it with gratitude. You will find the positivity will be returned and your life will be better for it.

I am positive if I can do it than so can you!

Siblings…

I grew up with my brother. We look alike, we grew up in the same house but we turned out to be two very- different people. I think my brother is a lot like our mom and I am more like our dad. I find it fascinating to meet siblings. To hear stories of how alike or dislike siblings can be.

After having found a corgi that I think is the sister to my late beloved Charleston, it got me thinking about my siblings. Yes buckle up I warned you before my family is filled with nuts, but these crazy nuts love like no others.

My parents separated and divorced when I was around 7 years old. My brother and I lived with our mom full time and visited our dad. I’m not going to lie, if given the chance I would have lived with my Opa. I laugh when I type that because I feel like I spent most of my time there anyways, I might as well have lived there. As a child it was my happy place. I am honoured to say it still is my happy place and I visit often. I love that I get to share this amazing place with my son. My heart is so full with memories made and memories still in the making.

As a child I always dreamed of having a sister. When you grow up with a brother who always wrecked your dolls instead of playing dolls with you, well you dream of a sister, someone to play dolls with. My dad was in a relationship with a woman for roughly 8 years or so who had 2 daughters. Oh my step sisters came in like two raging bulls and we have been laughing ever since. Even though our parents have gone separate ways we have always remained sisters. I am that sister who bugs them, who keeps in touch and demands we all get together. Sisters for life and I wouldn’t have it any other way! You gals forever changed my life in the best way possible!

Both my parents dating over the years has added many great people into my life, not all of them stay forever but for the times we shared I am thankful.

I admit it I am a family person, family means the world to me. I am lucky to have so many people to call my family. I enjoy checking in with family near and far. I do my best to keep in touch. I love texting, emailing and Facebook for this reason. It’s so easy now to keep in touch. To remind those crazy nuts how important they are!

When I was a teenager I was on a solo trip to B.C. to visit some of my family. Oh B.C. is my destination happy place. I have so many fond memories of the years of travel to the west coast there is no were else in the world that makes me this happy! The one trip to B.C. that forever changed my life was finding out I had a half-brother. Oh goodness biggest and best shock of my life. I hate the term half or step, you’re my brother. I will never forget this day. I was sitting at my aunt’s kitchen table right by the door where you walked in and I am sure my jaw hit the floor. I think this brother and I are so much alike. We didn’t grow up together but when we met it was like we had always known each other. I was seventeen years old when we met. Now, we don’t always get along, we’re siblings. We have gotten into fights or disagreements and not always been able to see eye to eye. I think mostly because I am the little BIG sister and you are the big LITTLE brother (I am taller than both my older brothers) but we always come to a solution and you know how much I love you! I am forever grateful for our aunt bringing us together. You, my sister in law and my nephews hold a huge part of my heart. You all make my days filled with laughter and love. Thank you!

I also have a friend that’s like a sister even though she grew up with sisters. Too bad you are stuck with me for life. You will forever be the sister I chose. Kelly your family has always shown me love. Your parents became like second parents to me. Your sisters became my friends. No matter where life takes us you will forever be a part of my family. Love ya girl! Thank you for always being the greatest friend a girl could ask for.

As a kid my world felt small with just my brother picking on me. Ha, but who knew I would have so many people come into my life over the years. To all my brothers and sisters thank you! You brighten each and every one of my days and remind me how much I love and am loved.

RUN…

I have always had a love of running. As a tall girl I have always been known for my legs. I started running in grade school and I won the 400 meters. I felt like I could take on the world. I knew with these legs I was born to be a runner.

In my early 20s when I broke my back and messed up my leg, my physical fitness slowed to non-existent. After having my son and struggling with sleep problems I thought I would start running again. I purchased a jogging stroller and we took off, corgi dog too. My son thought these runs were great fun. We would run towards the lake and back in what I can only be described as chaos. I am pretty sure running with a stroller and a corgi, stopping for water, snacks and the millions of things my son saw would have been hilarious to watch. Not only that but I am sure I looked like a giraffe on roller skates just going all out, legs everywhere. I apologize to anyone who witnessed that. With my injured back and leg, running on sidewalks started to take its toll and the pain was just too much to handle. I would be down and out for days with pain and limited mobility. I stopped running outside so we stuck to walking and we had way more fun! Funny how when you slow down you come to appreciate the adorable things your toddler finds or the crazy places your dog wants to discover.

I refused to give up on my goal of running. Going to the gym was out of the question for me I already didn’t have enough hours in the day. I am not as comfortable at the gym as I am at home. I packed on the weight and I struggled to stay on a path of positivity. I knew I needed to run!

At the time I lived in a quaint two bedroom apartment and space with an active boy was limited but I found the solution. An apartment sized, compact elliptical runner. I got the last one in stock so it was meant to be. I started running again. I ran five kilometers every morning and every night. I felt like I could run a marathon- an inside marathon on an elliptical of course ha. The low impact of the elliptical let me get my running out. I feel that when I run on the elliptical I get my run out and I don’t wanna run from things in life. Running has always helped me clear my mind and keeps me grounded on what to do next. Before I took up running I used to run in life but more so run away from life. I ran from relationships, weddings, and I even ran from where I lived. I ran from tough situations instead of dealing with them. When the going got tough I thought I could out run my problems. Spoiler alert you can run but your problems will follow.

When I moved to my house a few years back, well, I have moved the elliptical I think to every room. I run every now and again but I always fell behind. I dusted it off last week and set a goal. RUN! Run five kilometers every day. It’s a great way to stay fit and busy during the lock down of the current pandemic situation. I also wanna get my legs warmed up because biking season is upon us.

I started off each day taking a picture of the 5 kilometers completed. I made it 4 days in a row as if I was going to win the gold medal. Then on the fifth and what was to be the final run, I was running my heart out. My angry tunes were flowing through me. My legs were on fire. I thought I was gonna push past five and go further. What I didn’t know, because of the loud angry music, is that the machine was making a horrible sound. A bolt snapped and I went flying. I hit hard. That’s a long ways down for me. Tall girl problems (that and finding 38 inseam pants). The fall knocked the wind out of me and brought tears to my eyes. Good news I am okay!

I am thankful for my mister fix it son. He came running to me and said “Mom are you okay?” “Do you need me to get my tools?” This kid has a tool for everything he was able to help me take apart the machine figure out what I needed. I am thankful for the internet. I went online and searched the company. I found the user manual and it had the part number. I am thankful for e-mail. I shot off an e-mail and behold the part for the machine is still available and I was able to order it. I am now waiting on the shipping. I am told it will be a few weeks because of the Covid-19 everything shipping wise has slowed down. Gone are the days of overnight shipping and instant ordering. My legs are itching to get back running.

I am thankful for the weather warming up. I was able on a cool but sunny day get my bike out and do a practice run. With my son being 7 now, he is into biking. He biked 9km the other day. He’s gonna be joining me on long bike rides soon!

Keep fit. It’s amazing how much better you feel when you have some type of fitness. Get out enjoy the sights of nature. Walk, run, hit the gym or bike whatever your passion is. Do something you enjoy and that keeps your body going!

Let go….

Let go and let the positivity flow. This is a lesson I wish I had learned a long time ago. I was the queen of holding on. I wore this crown of negativity with great pride. I held on to the negativity like it was my security blanket. My happy place looked black and hopeless. I took every negative thing, that was ever said about me or to me, everywhere I went. I only focused on the bad, the mean and the down-right ugly parts of my life. I let the negativity destroy my life. I only envisioned the black hole of doom. I could only hear the negative remarks on repeat. Slowly, but surely driving me mad. I packed it around day after day, month after month and year after year, until I finally had enough. I broke free.

I saw the light of positivity and once I jumped in with both feet I haven’t looked back. I think I have changed every part of my life. Listen up, this didn’t happen overnight. It took years to believe my negativity, you can guarantee it has taken years to accept my positivity. It is a lifetime of a work always in progress. Always learning and always trying something new. I am not an expert. I am just doing my best. I am proof that anyone can change. You just have to want it. Anything is possible. If I can do, it then so can you!

I have gained many tools and coping techniques from a lot of different people on this journey. I have done my best to keep an open heart and mind to everyone’s recommendations. No matter how crazy the thought or idea were. Trust me I would have tried anything to kick this madness of living in negativity. Living in negativity only ends in one way. You give up and you no longer want to live. I tasted that. I almost died. I almost died before I got to experience the best parts of my life. Don’t give up. Your life is worth living.

It was not easy to rid myself of my negativity. To free myself of the things I held on for so long. I had a lot of negative things I carried around with me for so many years, some since childhood. I’m in my late 30’s working towards 40, so that’s a long time. When I can start a story with, 20 years ago, it’s been too long. LET GO. Get rid of the negative thoughts that have held you back. Learn to replace them with empowering positive thoughts.

I have said a lot of apologies to people who I know I hurt. I had to accept that I wouldn’t get an apology from everyone I felt wronged me. I had to accept that my life wasn’t perfect. I had to accept my failures as lessons learned. The fact that I tried, whether I failed or succeeded, made me who I am today. For this reason, no I would not change my life. Do I wish I would have done things differently? YES! Do I wish I had snapped out of my negative wasteful life sooner? HELL YES! Wanting, hoping and dreaming of changing the past is just down right crazy! It cannot be done so don’t waste your time trying to defend your past. Understand the lessons learned. Move forward, that’s the only way to go. Jump two feet into today and rock it. Know that you can start each morning over. So yesterday sucked? Big deal not every day can be the best freaking day ever. I still have days where I sit down and I think what the heck was that? But now instead of crying and sinking into the black hole of death, doom and woe is me crap. I sit down and I think wow I got through that day and usually I learned something. No, the days don’t always go as planned but I am not in charge of everything. I cannot control the world. Imagine if I could though. Oh, the blinged out, bejeweled crown I would wear. You would need sunglasses just to look at it. I am thankful when I have a bad day I have wonderful friends, family, coworkers and people in the community to turn to. I can take the Caddy out for a cruise pending the bad day happens between April and October. I can sit out on my deck looking at the lake and breathe and remember how freaking lucky I am.

Remember to be kind to yourself. Do something you love each day. Remind yourself how lucky you are to still be here. Make a list of all the things you need to let go and slowly but surely tackle that list. It could take a minute, an hour, a day, a month, a year or a lifetime. It doesn’t matter how long it takes. Just keep moving forward. Let go and let the positivity flow.