Author: sascha

Podcasts….

I first came across podcasts when I was struggling to sleep. Years ago I was diagnosed with sleep paralysis. I dream the same terrifying dream on repeat year after year. My dream is a terrifying life event. It’s a dream that feels so real to me. In my dream I am fighting for my life. I wake up in a haze of confusion arms and legs swinging thinking I am fighting for my life. I have broken many things in the night because of this terror. I have tried many things to sleep and yet years have passed and I still fight to sleep. My brother told me about a podcast he listens to at night to help him sleep and I thought well it can’t hurt. I downloaded an app to listen to podcasts on my phone because it has an app for everything. I started listening to the podcast called “sleep with me” this guy meanders on and on about nothing and everything in the most lulling voice. It’s helped me drift off and at first I thought it was going to work. I thought I was going to sleep but then as always, BAM, hello haunting dream. I still enjoying putting this podcast on if nothing else it turns off my thoughts and lets me drift. If you haven’t checked out “sleep with me” and you like to listen to something before or while falling asleep this guy has a sleepy way with words.

I start listening to a podcast series when I was out for a walk with my beloved dog Charleston. Sometimes our walks would last for hours as we would be lost in nature enjoying the beautiful days down by the lake. I found a podcast to capture my attention when I came across a series of weekly podcasts in investigative journalism. A series called “Serial” the first season was about the trial and conviction of Adnan Syed a teenager who was accused and sentenced to life in prison plus 30 years for killing his high school girlfriend. This podcast had me fired up about this trial and the evidence. I originally went to school for corrections with a hope of getting into a fight for justice for those wrongfully convicted. I absolutely love cases of wrongful convictions or stories of those who spend years on the inside but were innocent. In college I worked with a program providing family counseling in prison and it was a huge eye opener as to what it’s like to be in prison. If you love true crime and podcasts I highly recommend tuning in to “Serial”. What do you think about the case? Is he innocent?

After the “sleep with me” podcast and the fire me up trail presented by “Serial” I was searching for another podcast but this time I wanted something with a more positive vibe. I have to admit at this time I didn’t really know what a life coach was. I don’t remember exactly how I came to find the mortality mindset podcast with Patrick Mathieu. I am beyond excited that I found this podcast because this is the podcast that forever changed my life. I started listening in again on my walks with my beloved dog Charleston and I still listen in on my walks with Queen Kelsey dog. I have to say I was immediately sucked in from the first episode I couldn’t stop listening. Patrick has a calming voice and he grabs your attention and almost shakes you with his questions. He got me fired up in a different kind of way. He fired me up as in, I could do this too. He has an extraordinary story to share and a powerful message. He was born with a one of a kind heart that no one can figure out. He has seen many medical professionals in his lifetime. His heart is a one of a kind heart no one understands how it works. Patrick was given his expiry date. Imagine if you knew when you were going to die? He was told when he would die. He didn’t give up, he got up and he challenged what the medical professionals said. He fought, he conquered and he’s a huge inspiration to so many people. He has lived long past his expiry date. I highly recommend listening to this podcast. It’s a game changer. He will challenge how you think.

After the first listen, I had to google Patrick and find out more. I found out not only was he a life coach but he was training other people to be life coaches. I stalked that page until I saw he was coming to Kingston, Ontario. I hummed and hawed at the idea of being a life coach. I didn’t sign up until the last possible moment. Remember I like to plan but not to do it, but I did do this. I was joined in that class by three other amazing women and it will forever be a weekend to remember. From listening to a podcast to now becoming a life coach, making my own website, blogging and many more things along the way. Heck yes I AM DOING IT!

Thank you Patrick for continuing to make the podcast that forever changed my life. I would be lying if I said it was just the podcast. Check out his book and his online learning. Google him you will be amazed like I was and still am!

As I finished writing this blog I was completing another amazing course created by Patrick. I just completed his “how to be a better person” online course and the certificate hangs on my vision wall as a constant reminder of all the amazing things I have completed and the extraordinary things I am still working on. Stay tuned always more to come from me.

As always if you have a podcast recommendation reach out and share it with me. I love hearing from you all!

Number 26…

The number 26 had no real meaning to me before today. As I sat down to write this blog I realized it is my 26th blog. What? That’s wild, right? I know it feels like the last 26 blogging weeks have flown by. When I set a goal of 52 blogs my intention was to write once weekly. This officially marks the half way point. I am half way to crushing this goal. My dream since an early child has been to write, with the end goal of a book. I am making this dream my reality. I will write my book.

I decided to write once weekly on Tuesdays. I later found out I was born on a Tuesday so clearly it’s a great day. I decided to write once weekly to get out some ideas I had in my head. I never thought I would write pages and pages. I had no real plan when I started. Just write weekly about whatever comes to mind. My general concept and idea was to spread positivity, kindness, and to send thank you messages. I wanted to inspire people that if I can change so can you.

I haven’t nailed my goal of a blog every Tuesday since I began as life happens. I am a single mom, I have a paper pushing job at the local hospital, I have pets and I have hobbies. Life gets busy but I do my best to always make time for writing. Sometimes the writing ideas come quickly and I have so many ideas but there are sometimes I get stuck. I was super stuck while coping with the passing of my beloved dog Charleston. Well there’s no other way to describe than it just down right sucked. His passing took a lot out of me. I didn’t write around the holidays because he was sick and I just wanted to suck up every gosh darn minute I had left with him. He left me far too soon and I couldn’t write. I couldn’t think. I couldn’t stop crying. Truth is I wasn’t sure I could keep going down a path of positivity without him. I had to come back with a blog about twenty things I was grateful for in January as a reminder of how blessed I am. I may not have gotten a blog out every Tuesday but for the most part I have and I have not given up even when I wanted. I pushed forward. I forgive myself and remind myself it’s okay to not make each and every goal exactly on time as long as you keep working towards it. Take a deep breath and get back on track. Keep moving forward and don’t give up!

I admit when I started this chapter of my life I was down-right terrified. The thought of creating and launching my website was overwhelming. I have never had a website and I have never had a blog, both experiences are very new to me. I felt safer when it was just in the planning stages. My fear of failure and exposing myself to criticism or controversy or disagreement would creep into my thoughts. Then I found the courage and I decided to just do it, launch the site. It was close to a year after I got my certification for life coaching in October 2018. (more on that next week) I had stayed stuck in the planning mode for almost a year with being hung up in the details. In September 2019 I decided to just go for it. Launch the website and start the blog and whatever happens just go with it. I knew I couldn’t move forward and succeed unless I tried. Any criticism will make me grow and any accolades will encourage me. I know I have done my best.

I am grateful for all the comments, discussion, e-mails, Facebook messages, phone calls and text messages about the website and the blog. I cannot say thank you enough for coming along this journey with me. Here’s to 26 down and 26 more to go with a book in the works. Thank you to all of you!

Networking….

During my first Louise Hay convention titled ”I can do it” which was all about how to heal your life. I sat in the audience with thousands of other people and I listened to Louise talk about networking and about how people don’t just talk to others. She encouraged us to have random chats with strangers. At the time this thought scared me. We were always taught not to talk to strangers. What would I talk to strangers about? I had a bad habit of over sharing my life’s disasters and not filtering well. Louise told a story about having something wrong with her foot and she couldn’t find any relief. She was sitting beside this person one day and they just started a random conversation. It turns out that person sitting right beside her did healing so they got together and fixed this foot issue. I was scribbling my notes down like a mad woman trying to suck in every bit of knowledge. I laugh now at the thought because the energy was electric and in that moment I wanted to change. Picture thousands of people with so much positive energy radiating from them the vibe is unreal. I met some of the most amazing people at those conventions. I came home from those conventions year after year with so many thoughts and ideas and then slipped right back into my old way of life. I never changed. I planned and I dreamed but I never took any action. Man I could plan thought. I would plan every little detail out and do NOTHING. Welcome to my life for years and years. I was stuck. I was sucked into the everlasting planning mode. I had pretty post it notes all over with hopes and dreams but I never made them my reality. I lived with my head in the clouds. Forever dreaming and forever planning.

I have never been great at turning plans into action or seeing plans from start all the way through to success. I got the organization down pat. I mastered the make it look pretty, neat and tidy, straight up NAILED IT. The going from the paper plan or the vision in my head to the real life I failed over and over. I failed so many times I often wonder how I got up off the floor and planned some more?

I figured once you failed you are just supposed to give up right? I came, I tried, I bought the t-shirt, I failed and so I left. I didn’t have the fight in me. I failed and I gave up. I failed and I gave up because I never really cared about what I was doing. I thought I was unique in my sad story. It wasn’t until I reached out I talked to strangers and I networked with people who had stories like mine. People who went onto live extraordinary lives despite failures and being stuck in different parts of their lives.

I have met so many amazing people who have inspired me to never give up. I have been inspired to share my story. I want to share with you my hopes, my dreams and my failures, because they make me who I am. I am who I am today because despite my failures I never gave up. I always knew I was destined for great things in life. I just had to find people who inspire me not only today but going forward in life. I want to be a person who inspires you. I want you to know no matter where you are in your life there are always more great things to come. I want you to reach out and start a conversation. I am always available to chat.
In troublesome times like the ones we are currently facing with Covid-19 don’t forget to network. Reach out now more than ever and talk to strangers. Find the help you need. Be the help someone else is looking for. Networking now is easier than ever. Go online and start a conversation.

Before ending this blog I reached out to my Opa and Granny and asked them to write something about networking, failure and success. Here is what was written by the wise seniors to share with you. “Failure is not a stopping point but a stepping stone to success. When something doesn’t work, then you move on to the next attempt using a different path or tools. That might fail too but then it makes you more creative to find another way. Expanding your contacts and listening to people with different opinions and theories is the best way to find the new path and the new tools. While you might not agree fully with everyone you listen to, there will be something you can take away and use. Another useful point to remember is “keep it simple”. Eventually, if you persevere, there will be success.”

What in the actual BEEP is going on…

This is not a rant but my thoughts, feeling and a reminder of how kindness is needed now more than ever.

It seems like just yesterday we were going on about our lives. It seems like just yesterday I was reading about this health concern in China. It seemed like a small worry at the start but it quickly escalated. It seems like in a blink of an eye that it has spread to the better part of the world. It didn’t seem like it could be true, a plague like virus affecting so many people. One day it was fine and BOOM it’s here. It’s scary because it’s new. It’s scary because people didn’t take it so seriously at first and it spread so quickly.

Everything is shutting down. My son is home from school for at least 3 weeks now. Daycares are closing. The malls reduced have hours. Restaurants are shutting down. Movie theaters are closing. Casinos are closed. Churches are closed. AA meetings are cancelled. Any March break event you could think of is cancelled. Every concert or show is cancelled. Every sporting event is cancelled. Everywhere you look everything you see is now about the coronavirus. You cannot turn on the TV, the radio, flip through the paper, read the online news, check your e-mail or even load Facebook without seeing updates about the number of cases and where the cases are being confirmed. Every company that has ever had my e-mail is updating me on what they are doing to keep the world safe.

Every passing day is a frightening reminder that it keeps affecting more and more people. Covid-19 has hit fast and scared us good. I am positive I read the symptoms as being cold and flu like and nothing about needing 8 billion rolls of toilet paper. Yet here we are March 2020 and there isn’t a roll to be had. No toilet paper, no hand sanitizer and no cleaning products. I have never seen bare shelves at the grocery store in my life. The isolation period to stay home is 14 days. I don’t know how people managed to buy out the stores. I have to say I am shocked. In a terrifying time like this don’t forget to be kind. You don’t need that much toilet paper. SHARE! Think if the tables were turned and you were out, you sure as heck would hope someone would share with you. Be kind. You do not need 8 billion rolls of toilet paper to beat this.

I am cautious going forward for sure, yes everyone should be. There have been cases all around us and I am sure it’s only a matter of time before it’s here knocking on my door. It’s one heck of a virus. New facts come out all the time and they seem scarier each day. I work at the local hospital doing paperwork and I will be washing my hands like a mad woman, more so then before if that’s possible. I have kind of always been a germophobe.

I know in 2020 we have amazing technology and surely someone is going to figure this out. In the meantime do not go visit the elderly who are at high risk, those with breathing problems or pre-existing medical conditions. Do check-up via phone, email or text to make sure everyone is okay. Offer help where you can. Be kind.

In a time of absolute chaos please do not get caught up in being mean to others. Please don’t rush out and by every single thing you can, think of others. Share what you have and protect not only yourself but everyone else. I have offered many of the items in my home to others. My neighbour shared her sanitizer when it was impossible to purchase any. Come together in your family, your work and your community. Help each other out!

My Opa, the man behind the motto, is approaching his 86th birthday in April and I damn well want to make sure he gets there. I have told my family I will be distancing myself physically as I work at the hospital and I don’t want to risk anyone getting sick. I have made deals that if anyone is sick I would bring the supplies needed. I will leave them on your porch, and wish you well from there. I would do whatever it takes to help anyone in need. I absolutely love to help others at any opportunity I can. I have had so many wonderful people help me in my life so I do whatever I can to pay it forward, to be kind. I know kindness isn’t always taught to everyone but it’s never too late to start.

Kindness, it goes a long way. Kindness, is free to spread. Spread Kindness everywhere! A little bit of kindness goes a long way. The world could use more kindness now more than ever.

Stay safe and stay healthy. As always I am here if you need anything feel free to reach out via phone, text or e-mail. See contact page for more details.

WASH YOUR HANDS!

In a world of texting answer the phone

Did you ever have a corded phone bolted to the wall? A home phone? A rotary phone? A party line? Did I just age myself? Born in the 80s and I became obsessed with the phone in the 90s. I could spend hours and hours talking to friends and family. There was a time before caller identification, when you answered the phone and you had no idea who was calling. I know what a scary world! I dunno what’s scarier not knowing who’s calling, or now knowing and not wanting to answer because you know who it is.

Growing up we had our home phone bolted to the wall in the kitchen. We had an extra-long phone cord so I could wander around the house talking away. I moved around our house pacing like I was running a small business, in charge of a pack of employees, or making a huge business deal. I wish we could have recorded some conversations to play back now. I would love to know what I was talking about for hours on hours, day after day.

We had dial up internet where you couldn’t be on the phone and dial onto the World Wide Web. Do you remember that horrible dial up internet connection sound? And the glorious sound of your brother yelling if you picked up the phone and he got kicked off the internet!

Before the world of cell phones I had a pager so if you needed me you could reach me. I have no idea why I felt the need to have a pager but I didn’t wanna miss a call. I lived for talking on the phone. I could always be reached day or night. I felt important.

The world now has become a world of digital living. Most people are glued to their cell phones. I am also guilty of this! This darn phone has it all. Oh how cell phones have changed over the years and not only in size. Do you remember the first cell phones? They were so big you needed a backpack just to carry one around. They didn’t fit in your pocket. They didn’t have cute cases or accessories. I remember trying to text and you had to punch the number over and over to get the letter. It was so much work that I would give up and just call. When cell phones came out with a sliding keyboard that was life changing and that’s when texting took off for me. I forgot what it was like to talk on the phone. I became all about texting and never talking. I would run when a phone rang. I was never so happy to do away with my home phone. Everyone knew if you wanted to talk to me, text me, I would reply instantly.

Having a cell phone now, well, pretty much everyone has a cellphone it’s rare to find anyone without one now. Gone are the days of payphones on every street corner. Cellphones with data is your go to convenience, banking at your fingertips, online shopping, watch Netflix on your phone, games, e-mail, you can work from your phone and there is literally an app for everything you could possibly want or need. It still seems too good to be true. I can see how it’s addictive to always be on your phone. I understand why mental illness is on the rise. With social media being available 24-7 we often get sucked into how amazing other people’s lives appear. We forget that what we see on social media and what real life looks like can be, and often is, two very different things. People only post the great moments. The picture perfect moments. The moments that make them look perfect to the outside world. Few people post real life struggles of the good, the bad and the ugly.

Everywhere you go now you see people on their phones but few people are talking on the phone. Most people are typing away. The world has become a world with our heads down lost in our phones. People don’t call, people text first and ask if it’s okay or, when could they call. Texting while convenient, quick and easy is still so very impersonal. Often messages are misunderstood and taken out of context. You interpret them how you read them. I have had this struggle. I still prefer to talk on the phone. To hear your voice, to listen to your stories, to hear about your day. To hear laughter and love.

When I decided to get into life coaching I was thrilled at the idea of always being available on my phone. I can read e-mails, text, edit my website and blog all right from my phone but nothing gets me more excited than to hear your voice, to discuss your goals and to make dreams into reality.

My phone is always on and I always do my best to answer every call. I cherish every conversation. I love to hear your voice. In a world of digital living don’t forget to call. Check in on those you love, make time for the important conversations. Let people know you are here for them. Let people know you love them.

Make the call

I can do this and so can you!

Repeat after me: “I can do this”

“I can do this”

“I can do this”

“I can do this”

I start each day saying this to myself at least 4 times in a row a few times throughout the day. I find this keeps me on track and reminds me I can do this. I can do (insert whatever it is I am working on or towards). I say this a lot!

I got into life coaching to help people who are stuck in life like I have been and to help you reach your goals. One huge thing that has always stuck with me is life sayings. Motivational words to remind yourself how great you are. Everyone is different and on amazing journeys. I love to hear your stories and I hope mine inspire others along the way. I have been blown away with the work of many life coaches on my journey to becoming the best version of myself. Who I was in the past and who I am today and becoming tomorrow has been a journey of a life time.

I start each day with a reminder that I can do this.
I look at myself in the mirror every day and I remind myself I can do this. I have gotten this far in life and I am still rocking it. I CAN DO THIS!

I start each day reminding myself how grateful I am. I keep a picture frame beside my bed with a dry erase marker and I write something or someone I am grateful for. It is the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see before bed. I also have a huge vision wall right beside my computer desk with all my dreams and goals. This reminds me every day and every night the things I am working towards. I started with a vision board. Once my board was filled I realized my visions and goals were much bigger than a board. I got a huge picture frame and it quickly became filled. Now I have a vision wall. I realized I have a lot of things I wanna accomplish in this life and it’s freaking amazing that I need a whole wall to see all of my visions. Anytime I am feeling down I just need to sit down in my office and, bam, right beside me is this wall of inspiration. Everyone should have a space like this. This space reminds me how I got here and where I wanna go. This wall makes my heart full. This wall makes me wanna get things done!

I start each day by reminding myself how lucky I am to still be alive. Each day is a gift. Rock each day like it could be your last day. Do something fabulous.

I start each day with my heart full of love. I remind myself how much I love me. I remind those around me how much I love them.
I start each day with strength and determination that I can overcome. I know I can overcome because I have!

Just to clarify before you think I live with my head in the clouds I don’t. I know being tall I almost touch the clouds but in all reality this does NOT mean each day is a great day. This means that I have allowed myself to slow down my day to process whatever comes up. Do I still get passionate when people bring up topics I believe in? YES! Do I still get upset? YES! However I have decided to come up with better ways of dealing with things that upset me. I make better choices now besides running away or turning to addictions.

I used to jump out of bed with no time to spare and rush around. Most of my days were a blurred mess with anger and everything going wrong. I never slowed down and appreciated the small things that make my day right now. I never slowed down to do or enjoy the small things that make my day down right freaking fantastic. You would be shocked at what you notice about life once you slow it down and enjoy it.

I lived most of my life in the fast lane, going full out, no plan and no care in the world. I didn’t care about the people around me that I hurt. I didn’t care about the jobs I had. I blew money like I had a money tree. Nothing really mattered to me. I spent my days mad and blaming others. Instead of dealing with the pain and learning how to change. I found addictions. I found drugs and alcohol, social media, unhealthy relationships. I lost myself and it was one hell of a ride to get myself back to experience a life I love.

I am by no means perfect I am and always will be far from it. I am me! I allow myself to slow down to take each moment for what is. Yes situations and people still get under my skin. I do my best to approach all situations and people with a kind, open and loving heart. I remind myself that everyone is doing the best they know how with the skills and abilities they have. I remind myself that not every battle is worth fighting. I remind myself I don’t always have to be right. I remind myself I can walk away from situations I don’t want to be in. I remind myself to shut down my negative thoughts before they become repetitive. I remind myself to use the skills and abilities I have been working so hard on to open my life to love and kindness.

I remind myself each and every day that I am doing my best and if my best isn’t good enough fuck it!

Oh the good old hockey game….

I love traditions. I love being Canadian. I grew up watching hockey night in Canada with my dad. My dad is a die-hard Montreal Canadiens fan. I didn’t get a choice in life towards hockey I was doomed from day one. I always thought hockey was entertaining to watch and I love a good yell. I admit I didn’t know much about other hockey teams my dad just forced me to love Montreal. I guess there are worse off teams. ha

I loved to watch Saturday night hockey games on T.V. with my dad. I got to stay up late. We had a little tradition to order pizza and I would get to drink pop. I would yell and scream at the T.V. like the players could hear me and I was getting paid for my amazing advice. SKATE! SHOOT! HIT HIM! I watched the Stanley cup win in 1993 on the couch at my dad’s house yelling and screaming so hard I lost my voice and when the final goal went in I fell off the couch and cried. I always wondered what it would be like to be at game 7 of a winning Stanley cup game. If you have experienced this I want to know what it’s like!

My first real hockey event was going to the local sports arena and watching the junior ice hockey. I find that league of hockey more entertaining and usually has more fights. We got to boo at the bad calls, eat junk food and scratch lottery tickets. We always got tickets for the 50/50 draw and I always dreamed of a big win…still waiting. The energy at a hockey game is electric. Who doesn’t wanna stay up late as a kid, eating junk and yelling as loud as possible. To me that was the kid version of living a dream.

My first ever NHL game was in Montreal at the old forum. It was a show down between the Montreal Canadiens vs New Jersey Devils. My brother at the time was a Devils fan and I was so looking forward to watching his team lose. I thought for the first time in my life I could watch him cry. I think I took hockey a little bit too serious. Oh let me tell you it was the start of my many years of watching Montreal lose. The first loss crushed me. Patrick Roy was such an idol to me and to watch him lose crushed me. My brother being the older brother and that annoying guy he is kept bugging me and bugging me, poking at me and making fun of the loss. I lost my temper threw my gloves off and punched him. I think I got 5 minutes for rough housing but I know my dad was laughing deep down.

My brother was never a really big hockey fan and I think he went against Montreal just to bug dad. Even worse, my brother’s son is a Toronto Maple Leafs fan. His other Papa is a die-hard Toronto fan and the poor kid growing up was in a hockey debate with his Papas. I can’t believe my dad actually took his grandson to a Toronto game.

Over the years dad and I have made a tradition to catch a Montreal game. We still go to games every year and out of all the games I
have only seen 3 wins. Now I am no mathematician but even I know that’s not good odds. ha. I was beginning to think my dad was bad luck at the games. I went to a Montreal game with a friend and Montreal lost so then I started thinking maybe I was bad luck. After one of the losing games in Ottawa I threw my 21 McKay jersey on the ground and stomped it. I vowed my love for the Montreal Canadiens was over! If you’re trying to figure out who the heck 21 McKay is, don’t, it’s a vintage jersey. He was the player who had the number 21 when I turned 21. After stomping my jersey I decided it was time to switch teams. Yes you heard me I was now going to be a Vancouver Canucks fan. My love for B.C. and the goalie at the time drew me in. Dad sucked it up and bought me a Vancouver jersey and got tickets to a Montreal vs Vancouver game. I didn’t tell him at the time but I wore my Montreal Jersey under my Vancouver Jersey and I was going to leave finally wearing winning colours. I was going to celebrate a win either way with thousands of Montreal fans or 5 Vancouver fans. Anyone wanna guess how it turned out?? I hugged 5 Vancouver fans on the way out and slowly drove home for 3 plus hours telling my dad to hang up the Montreal jersey and join in on a win. It’s a high like no other.

FINALLY after 20 plus years of games I got to witness a Montreal win. The energy in Montreal after a win is unreal. I screamed until I had no voice. I am going strong with 3 wins in a lifetime now.

This year I took my son to a junior hockey game and he seemed to really enjoy it. It was awesome to be the parent enjoy hockey with my kid. Now I get the feeling my dad had sitting in the arena cheering the teams on with me. I was about to finish this blog but my dad bought tickets for my son to see Ottawa vs Montreal.

My son just went to his first Montreal game in Ottawa and guess what the score was? I wrote this line before going to the game and I was sure we would be coming home a loss and my son would wanna change teams. ha. If I wasn’t sitting right beside him I never would have believed it. My sons first ever NHL game and Montreal won 3-0. It was the best experience watching him yell, watching him jump out of his seat for all 3 goals, watching him cheer Montreal on and sing along to the song of sweet sweet victory. His first game was much better than mine. I think he might be a good luck charm. I have seen 4 wins now!! Four out of 20 plus games. Not great odds but maybe our luck is changing.

Thank you Kate, and Kate’s dad for the tickets to the Frontenacs game. Thank you to my dad for dragging me to many games over the years. Thank you to my son for memories made and many more memories in the making. Here’s too many more years cheering at the hockey games.

How did I get so lucky to be your mom….

I feel like I have won the lotto. Not the money lotto where I need to figure out how to spend 60 million dollars, trust me I could do that. Challenge accepted ha. I have always had a vision of striking it rich. I have always had a dream where I am yelling “I am rich”, but now that I think of it I don’t remember seeing any money. I guess my life is filled with love and amazingness and that is better than winning any lotto. My heart is full and our lives are happy.

Truth is I was scared to death to be a mom. I always just wanted and envisioned my life with pets. I made it to 30 and was kid free with the puppy of my dreams. You son were a game changer. I struggled before you were born because I knew I would be doing this alone. Accepting the role as mother then single mother was a role I wasn’t sure I could pull off. You only gave me a couple months to prepare for the role of a lifetime. I decided I had 2 options to give you up or get real. I was 30 going on 31 and I knew I had to adjust my crown say my acceptance speech and do this. Buckle up life was about to get very real.

Raising you has been my biggest accomplishment. It started off rough. I was told you were going to be special needs. My labour was difficult. My mind was going a million miles a minute. My life was not in a good place. I was terrified if I failed now I wasn’t only failing myself I was failing you. I was pretty sure Charles our dog was gonna be jealous he had been my baby for almost a year. A puppy and a baby what was I thinking?

I cried a lot of tears and laughed so much it hurt. Raising you has tested all my patience and opened my world up to so many new experiences. You were a baby who didn’t like to sleep and who threw up everything he ate. Oh the laundry I had to do. Every time you cried our dog Charleston howled, oh and we lived in an apartment so our neighbours loved us. Before you my days seemed to go on forever, so many hours to fill. After you came along the days flew by and I never felt like I got enough done.

When I look at you now I can’t believe you are 7 years old. How did you go from the tiny 5 pound baby wearing preemie clothes to this handsome young man in the first grade who’s reading, writing and is a mad building machine.

You have changed and grown so much over the years son and I couldn’t be prouder. You are a kind gentle soul. You are not afraid to talk to anyone. You are always striking up a conversation wherever we go. Just recently at Costco we sat down to eat and you picked a table and talked to the wonderful couple beside us for an hour. You got to know where they are from, about the kids, grand kids, pets, why they were out shopping, what they had for lunch, what they like to do. You make friends and touch people’s lives where ever we go.

Before you could talk you used to have epic melt downs where you slowly and carefully placed yourself on the ground and would loose it. It was hard to know what you wanted without words but thankfully you said your first word at 10 months and it was mom. I was so proud and instantly regretting teaching you mom because it’s all you said. Mom mom mom mom mom. Second word dog, oh watching you and Charleston grow up together was the sweetest. Third word, well they can’t be all good words. Oh goodness, I said I accepted the role as single mother not that I was getting an award for it.

Once you could talk you never quit. You talk allllll day every day all 365 days sometimes even in your sleep. I am still shocked when your teachers say you can be quiet in class. I knew you would fit right in at school and be a social butterfly in everyone’s conversations young and old.

You have had so many career dreams and life changing plans that you doodle up. I cannot wait to see where life takes you. You have the soul of a wise old man and I know whatever you decide to do you will be successful it in. You are a dreamer and a creator just like your Opa.

You have an amazing way with people but an even more amazing way with animals. You are a pet whisperer. You are not afraid of any animals. I took you to the zoo as a toddler and you walked right up the camels, bears, lions, tigers, and all the other big animals no fear. You had the polar bear waving to you.

When you go to Opa’s farm even as a toddler you always wanted to get right in with granny’s horses. You are always so patient and kind and keep talking to them. Even when I am a bit nervous they could push you over or step on you, you remind me that if you keep talking and move slowly horses won’t hurt you. Granny’s 3 horses still always play and try to take your hat and bite your coat and you just laugh and talk to them it’s adorable to watch.

You took in a rescue cat Noah. Oh Noah, the black cat that we were told wasn’t going to make it is living the posh life. The way you pet and talk to that cat melts my heart with cuteness. He is a lucky cat to have you as his owner. I want to come back as your spoiled pet in the next life; constant cuddles, treats and playing games.

You and the corgis, oh goodness so many pictures of you and Charleston, the double trouble crew. Now with all pink, glitter, crowns and gems, the way you care for and talk to Queen Kelsey. Oh stop it my heart can’t take anymore. To watch you at the corgi meet ups is too freaking adorable. Animals just love you.

I know sometimes without your biological dad in your life you feel like your world is small. This is one of the reasons why I took you on a tour of B.C., to meet so many more members of our family. Everyone who met you instantly loved you. Now when I was thinking of taking a trip without you no one wanted me to visit unless you were with me. You son you are unforgettably amazing. You make a lasting positive impression on everyone you meet. I know this will take you far in life. I promise to always be right here cheering you on! I am so proud to call you my son.

Thank you Daniel I love you to the moon and back.

I believe…

The month of January seemed so long. I was so excited for the year 2020. I dreamed of this year as a child. I remember using a calculator to figure out I would be 38 years old in the year 2020. I remember wondering if I would be alive. I used to think being 30 was so old and once you hit 30 your life was over. Little did I know my life just started to take off at 30.

In an earlier blog I mentioned my 30th birthday gift to myself was my dog Charleston, aka Charles, Charlie, Chuck, Pupparonies. He was the best dog I ever had and the only dog who ever understood me. He celebrated every day when I came through the door and I never knew how much I would truly miss this greeting. Charleston passed away in my arms on his 8th birthday in our house that he loved so very much. I know that if love could have saved Charleston, he would have lived forever.

I believe I did the best thing in ending your suffering. I believe you needed to pass in my arms as much as I needed it. I believe you ran so fast for that rainbow bridge. I believe that night when the most beautiful sunset came over your grave looking out on the lake, you made it. As I write about you weeks later I am still crying. When you were here you always licked my tears which make me laugh and cheer up. I miss your comfort. Our house seemed so quiet without you. Everywhere I looked I missed you. I made a cup of tea and realized it was in a corgi mug. Our whole house is covered in corgi decor. My car has corgi decor. I would have given anything to have you back.

I believe the day after you passed Sir Charleston your little human, my son Daniel found your sister online. In what can only be described as a wild mistake. Dan came home asking “how long do Pomeranians live for?” His friend at school said his dog is 100. Which made me cry some more, because I wish dogs could live to be 100. Dogs love us unconditionally like no other and leave us far too early. When we googled how long Pomeranians live Dan clicked the first link which was a dog rescue site in the USA. Dan looked at the corgis. I couldn’t my tears were so heavy. The last corgi on the site looked like your twin, Charles her name was Kelsey and she needed a permanent home. We both thought it was a picture of you on our deck. She was the only corgi in Canada who needed a home and was an hour from us. Dan immediately wanted me to e-mail, to call, to find out more. My broken heart I couldn’t. I spent days lying in bed with your blanket, the last dog toy you gave me, talking to your pictures and sitting at your grave. Loosing a dog who is your best friend, well there is no way to describe it, it just sucks. I swore the day you passed away Charles I would never have another dog because no matter the dog we got, it would never compare to the love you had. I swore I could never relive putting a dog down. I almost drown in my own tears. Sweet Charles you meant the world to me.

Kelsey, oh Queen Kelsey, I couldn’t get you off my mind. Dan bugged and bugged until I called. I immediately asked how old you were and the sweet lady who had you told me you just turned 8 and I knew we had to meet you. START THE CAR! We were on our way to meet you. I honestly didn’t think my heart could take this. Dan said he needed this to heal his broken heart. I had Charles before Dan so they grew up getting into trouble. Charles always watched over his little human. Charles was my shadow I never went anywhere without him attached to me. When I left the house he lay down at the door and waited. Kelsey immediately loved us but she stuck like glue to Dan. She looks identical to Charles and even has the white circle on the back of her neck. She is the smaller girl version of Charles. She has been home with us almost 2 weeks and she is Dan’s shadow. If he moves she’s right on him. If he’s not home, she’s the saddest dog in the world. Kelsey has all the same behavior problems. She wants no part of any other pets. She’s aggressive and a loud mouth. She freaks out when noise is too loud. Charles would howl when the noise got too loud. She runs around barking like a crazy dog. If I pretended to wrestle or grab Dan, Charles would bite me. Kelsey the exact same thing. You do not touch Dan.

As much as I swore I could never do this again. I am so in love with Queen Kelsey. Dan picked out her collar and it’s pink with glitter crowns and a glitter bow. He picked out her name tag and it has a crown and says the Queen. He engraved her tag Queen Kelsey. You walked into our home after your 8th birthday like you own it. You are exactly what we both needed to heal our broken hearts. We went from endless crying to constant laughter. We love you so very much because you remind us so very much of your brother.

Side note: I do not have Kelsey’s breeder’s record. I do not know where she came from. I know I drove almost 6 hours one way to this small town of Blyth Ontario in 2012 to purchase Charles. He was the last puppy in his litter and was not sold because of the size of his ears. I did not know of many breeders in 2012. Corgis have since blown up and are popular dogs. I get it they are amazing dogs.

I am so very blessed to have had the most amazing King and now the most amazing Queen. Welcome to your forever home girl. Thanks for being a part of our family! As I write this blog I am crying with all the memories and whirlwind of the last few weeks have brought me. I look down and there is Queen Kelsey right beside me only because Dan’s at his grandmas but it’s exactly where Charles used to lay when I did my writing. Oh my heart.

Thank you to my granny who stood with me as I had to put Charles down. I have never met anyone who understands animals like you. Thank you to Meredith who makes at home vet calls and was able to come on short notice. You were exactly what I needed to survive the day. Thank you Meredith for making a donation in Charleston’s honour. It means the world to me that you provide this service. I believe every pet should pass at home in our loving arms. Thank you to Dianne for allowing us to meet and adopt Kelsey’s. Thank you for allowing me to cry in your kitchen as I told you about Charles. Thank you for making a donation in Charles honour to the rescue where we found Kelsey. Thank you to Whoozagooddog Kingston and all the wonderful corgis and owners from the Kingston corgi group. The party you had in honour of Charles was beautiful and meant the world to us. Thank you Charleston Rupertly Corgshire, for being the best dog for 8 wonderful years. You will forever be our King. Thank you Queen Kelsey for coming into our lives. Here’s to living out your best years being spoiled as our Queen.

Change…

Change is all around us. Life is forever changing and testing us in every way possible. Sometimes we choose to make a change and sometimes without warning life hands us a change. Every change in life is an experience that can be taken in many different directions, depending on how you deal with the given change.
Sometimes change is the greatest gift. Sometimes change sends us off in a direction we never dreamed. Sometimes change leaves us in a puddle of tears. Sometime changes test us on our patience, strength or determination. Sometimes change leaves us smiling. Sometime change leaves us wondering why.

Change tests our reactions. I used to only know how to react quickly and negatively. I was the “yeller”, the fighter, the “always have to be right” kinda gal. Truth is when I was in my darkest state I used to become paralyzed with fear over even a slight change in my life. When something or someone changed, I thought I had to fight it. I became a dramatic mess because I couldn’t cope with change. I viewed changing as the scariest thing to happen in life. I lived in a tiny bubble of comfort and I never wanted to change. I liked to be the fighting victim in a sad story. A sad story I wrote. A sad story I didn’t know how to change into a positive one. I thought this is my story and this is it. But, it is never too late to change your story.

Sucked into negativity and hate I was honestly just terrified to change. I wasn’t able to view change in the amazing positive way I can now. I view change as a positive growth. My life is forever changing and I think at how grateful I am to have experience it all. I am grateful to have survived and to be enjoying every single day I am given. I now look forward to the changes coming in my life. I now feel that even the changes that aren’t going the way I planned are a great learning platform. Changes have taught me to slow down and think. Sometimes I have to think outside of the box and get creative. Sometimes I have to think outside my comfort zone for a way to make this change work. Change is now a great opportunity to network, to meet new people, to work together, to embrace and enjoy life. Change is always around us. Figure out the best way to tackle and make this change work.

My whole world suddenly changed when I almost died. I almost died at the hands of someone who promised to love me forever and left me for dead. I almost died at the hands of myself because I couldn’t cope with my repetitive negative thoughts. I almost died because I felt like no one would save me. I almost died before I realized the only person who could save me was me. I had to rise up. I had to get up. I had to show up. I had to fight for the change I wanted in my life. I had to believe in myself. I had to fight for myself. I had to make my life what I wanted. Would it have been easier to be the sad victim in my own story? Absolutely! Did I enjoy always being sad and missing out on life? I thought I did when I was in my darkest places I couldn’t imagine seeing my life any other way. The only thing I could see was death. Then it started with the “what ifs” creeping in and haunting me. I was ready to end this game of life.

You never know what life is going to hand you in the change department. Not every change can be a positive one. We must remember to deal with change slowly, make a plan and remind ourselves that we are doing our best. “Do your best and if your best isn’t good enough fuck it”. Not everyone would agree with all the changes I have made. I embrace other people’s opinions, feedback and comments both positive and negative but at the end of the day it’s my life and I am going to live it my way.

I have hopes and dreams. I am thankful for each day given to me. I try to make a positive glimmer of hope in someone’s day every day. I try to live with kindness in mind. I do the best I can and I just enjoy each day. Remember you are never to (whatever you are thinking) old, broke, worthless, ugly to make a change. I wish I would have had a life coach to help me make my biggest changes. It was a much longer road to do it myself. It was not an easy journey. I think it would have been awesome to have someone cheering me on and keeping me accountable to my goals. I think my journey would have been a lot more fun. More tears of laughter than sorrow. I want to be that cheer leader for you if you are feeling stuck. I want to motivate, inspire and get you to kick ass in this life too.
From tasting death to changing into the amazing person I am. I am here to say you can too. I believe in you! I am cheering you on. You got this. If I did it you can to. I am always here via email, text and phone.

I always like to end my blogs by being thankful. I like to remind myself and everyone else that we have a lot to be thankful for. I am thankful to be alive. I am thankful that I kept fighting. I am thankful to experience each and every day with and open heart and a wise mind.