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I left my heart on Vancouver Island…

My first trip to Vancouver Island was to meet my Uncle Merv (my dad’s brother) and his wife my Auntie Gay. At the time they lived in a place called Qualicum Beach. I could not believe my eyes because from their house you walked to the end of the street, cross a four lane highway and boom you are at the Pacific Ocean. The freaking Pacific Ocean was practically in their back yard. I could spend my lifetime walking up and down the beach, beach-combing for treasures. Some of my favourite memories are walking the beach with my grandma Davis. We would spend hours finding the neatest treasures; I still have a sand dollar we found together. I was shocked to learn that star fish are purple. I love star fish and purple has always been my favourite colour!
Every visit I made to Vancouver Island growing up left me yearning to move. I wanted to call the Island my home. My heart felt like it belonged on the Island. To feel the salt of the ocean hit my skin makes me feel whole.

I did end up moving to Nanaimo B.C. where my aunt, uncle and cousins lived at the time and I made it work for about a year in 2008. I was supposed to get married here in Ontario and everything came crashing down on me. I knew that marrying this person was not right for me. I was not living the life I dreamed of; I was filled with negativity. I had long lost the person I wanted to be. I was working dead end jobs and had lost the passion in my life. I was barely getting through each day. To me each day felt like the worst day of my life, stuck on a horrible repeat cycle. It was a cycle that I couldn’t seem to stop, or escape from. I was so unhappy and felt so lost. I finally decided enough was enough and I packed up my suitcases. I boarded a flight as far west as I could go; headed for a place that had always held my heart. I called my Island family who I had not seen in many years. When you adult and your parents don’t pay for your vacations well I seemed to take less. I laced up my running shoes and ran from a future I couldn’t dream of living. I am a runaway bride. Maybe I should have a movie made about my life, ha; I wonder who would be cast in my role? (Granny, who helps me edit thinks Allison Janney would play me in the movie).

I remember when the plane took off I broke out crying. Full on ugly crying. Immediately I was hit with worry. What if I messed up my life? What if I couldn’t start over? What if I failed again? What if I didn’t pack enough? What if I couldn’t find a job? What if I couldn’t find a place to live? What if people didn’t like me? What if I lost who I was? I often wonder if these thoughts ran through my Opa’s mind when he boarded his boat headed for Canada? I admit I was scared to make this change in my life, but I was absolutely terrified to stay in Ontario and run my failed marriage tape to the end. Turns out when you run from your problems no matter how beautiful the new surrounding are, no matter how far you run, how fast you run, you will still have those same problems. The ocean did its best to heal my heart but I had not learned how to erase my negative self-talk and it was eating away at me. I struggled with finding a job, a place to live, I was running out of money, my car constantly broke down, I was always sick and truthfully I missed Ontario. It’s the only home I have ever known. I would not change my experience on the west coast for the world. My dream of being a west coast island girl had come to an end much sooner than I had dreamed. It’s true it didn’t work out as I had first planned but, my dream is not gone, it has just changed. My time on the Island taught me so many lessons and brought me closer to my Island family. I wouldn’t say I failed so much as I gained an amazing experience.

As much as I miss the Island I am glad to be back in Ontario. If I stayed in British Columbia I wouldn’t have my son! I will always have a place to call home with family on the island. I do believe everything has a way of working out for the best.

Oh, my Island family they are some of the greatest people you could ever meet. I am so lucky to call them my family. My Uncle Merv is one of the funniest people you will ever meet. He is just a grown up hiding in a kid’s body. His big smile is contagious; you cannot be in a bad mood in this man’s presence. His jokes and great sense of humour will make you laugh until it hurts to laugh. He has a huge heart and I know he loves his family more than anything because I am lucky enough to be a part of his family. He will forever be my favourite uncle. My son and Uncle Merv share the same birthday, granted a few years in between. My auntie Gay is one of the sweetest people. Her kindness radiates from the moment you meet her. I would say she is one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. You could watch wheel of fortune with her, the board would have two letters and she would be able to solve the puzzle. I used to think she cheated, but, no I found out she’s just that good! When I watch wheel of fortune it could be down to all the letters filled in but the last two and I would still get it wrong. She is a woman of natural talent. I have one of her beautiful paintings hanging up in my home. Oh and goodness we can’t forget that time I went to aqua fit with her. To say she kicked my ass would be an understatement. She too loves her family more than anything. Auntie Gay showed me how important having great people surrounding you truly is. Both my aunt and uncle welcomed me into their beautiful home. They gave me the biggest hugs and helped me more than they will ever know. They taught me not only how to love myself but how to love and show kindness to others. Thank you Auntie and Uncle! I also have three wonderful Island cousins. Christopher, oh you never know where he will be or what he will be doing but, whatever he is doing he always drops it and come to visit when family is around. I have never had an Island visit where he didn’t show up, enjoy catching up, and end with a hug. I’m coming back for an off road jeep adventure! Jana, oh you just know you will be laughing with this girl. I wanted to be her when I was a kid. I thought she was one cool chick. On one of our trips she was wearing the most beautiful outfit. It was a plaid sun dress and she rocked it. When I came home I had my Oma make me one just like it. Jana you have always been and still are a picture of beauty to me. Last but nearest and dearest to my heart is Shenoah (Noah). We are cousins, but, also I believe we are soul sisters! She’s my favourite road trip buddy! Her son Ryley is everything I hope my son turns out to be. You are amazing! Noah is older than me but the smaller version of me. We are so much alike it makes me smile. This girl is the most beautiful person I know. Noah is the picture of strength and determination. I aspire to be the woman she is.
My Island family changed me for the better.

As I headed back to Ontario I never forgot their kindness towards me, the love they passed along and all the laughs oh goodness I needed those laughs. I met some of the most amazing people on the Island and I would like to say thank you to each and every one of them for all the amazing memories. Here is too many more trips to the Island and to a place that forever holds my heart. I will be back soon!

I didn’t want to ride the bus I wanted to drive the bus…

It’s important to have dreams. Share with me what are some of your career dreams?

My first career dream comes from my first day of school.

My first day of school I remember getting on the bus and thinking “wow this is amazing”. I had a woman bus driver in public school and I was in awe of how she could drive such a huge vehicle. I thought my bus driver was the coolest woman ever! My bus ride to school was short, only a few minutes long. I sat with the window open, wind in my hair, living the dream life. I remember getting off the bus the first day of kindergarten with a dream I didn’t want to ride the bus I wanted to drive the bus. I’m sure when my parents heard this dream they thought I was going places. Oh the places I have gone and the dreams I have had over the years. Before I knew what a career was I wanted to be an Orca whale. How cool would it be to swim around the ocean all day with the coolest nick name being the killer whale. Turns out you can’t change from being human to a whale and so my dreams were shattered.

I confess as of now, I have never driven a bus. I think the Cadillac is about the biggest vehicle I have ever driven. As my son boarded his bus the first day of kindergarten, three years ago now (time slow down he’s growing up too fast) I cried like a crazy lady at the bus stop in front of family, friends and neighbours. When my son got off the bus after the first day of school he did not mention that he wanted to drive the bus. He has dreams of being a Police officer, train conductor, builder, fixer man and a farmer. This boy is going to be busy, hopefully busy enough to stay out of trouble!

My second dream job, around the third grade I wanted to be a veterinarian. I always had a variety of pets and an endless love for animals. I grew up with cats, dogs, pony, hamsters, bunny, chinchillas and even a pet sheep. My granny worked at the veterinary office and I looked up to her. I always struggled with math and after public school I began to dislike school.

Since public school my dreams changed. I dropped out of high school not long after starting and lost my way for a while, probably something to do with my negative outlook and my addictions. I am proud to say I did graduate high school, granted it was a couple years behind schedule but I did it. I even went on to post-secondary a few times, for a few different degrees. My first degree was in Corrections with a dream of working in Parole. I hurt my back at a job in the summer between semesters at college and I am to this day still living with pain. I graduated with great marks but I decided with a bad back maybe a career in Corrections wasn’t for me. I lost my dreams for a while dealing with an injury takes a lot out of you. I never gave up searching for something that would help ease the pain.

I worked a lot of jobs that were just that-jobs, I got stuck in the cycle of living pay cheque to pay cheque and lost sight of my career dreams. I decided while working to take some online courses in addictions and tried my hand at addictions counseling. I never finished the degree and found it hard to work and go to school. I again repeated the cycle of working dead end jobs that I dreamed of quitting. I pictured the way people quit in movies and I wanted to barge into work and tell them how much I hated it. Once again I decided to go back to school. This time I set my mind on online learning but in medical office administration. I had found my strength and determination and I rocked that degree. After graduation before I had even received my degree, I sent off my resume and had many job interviews. I was determined to get into the hospital where my mother and aunt both worked. I got an interview and I said “I am going to get the job”. I am proud to say my determination paid off, I got the job. I have been at the hospital for almost 9 years now. I love my job, I love the places I work, I have amazing co-workers, and I get the opportunity to work in different departments every shift. This job has changed my life. Growing up my mother was a nurse. I always felt like I was destined to help people but I didn’t know how. I knew I didn’t want to be a nurse, I have a weak stomach and working twelve hour shifts terrified me. Sometimes just the stories I heard from my mother made me feel ill.

I started a dream of working from home. I again went back to school, this time I took medical transcription. I finished the degree and started a job from home which I didn’t love, but I was living the dream of working from home. I started working for a hospital out of town this time, it was something new to me, but this job didn’t ignite a passion in me. Back to the drawing board I went. I wish you all could see this drawing board. I have started over countless times but I never stopped dreaming. I have had so many dreams and so many failures. Despite all of my failures and lost dreams I have never stopped moving forward.

I continued to look into counseling, psychology, social work, all different ways to help people. I didn’t want another job working for someone else. I wanted to work for me; I wanted to be my boss. For years I have been dreaming of how to take my experiences in life and empower others to live their greatest lives. I wanted to share with you my strengths, weakness, victories and failures. I have so many stories to share. I have never given up. I always had my Opa saying “Do your best and if you best isn’t good enough fuck it”.

I first came upon the idea of life coaching through a podcast. I often listened to podcasts while brainstorming what to do next in my life. My drawing board was getting messy! One podcast in particular grabbed my attention and I felt like this guy was talking to me about what I wanted to do in my life. I immediately googled his name to see what he’s all about and what do you know he was coming to a city near me to certify life coaches. I didn’t sign up until the last minute, I think I even paid extra because I was at the drawing board and working out the financial part but I jumped in I thought no this is my calling. Nothing is going to stop me. This is what I am destined to do. I love the idea of helping you reach your goals. This is a job I love. Get in touch with me now and let’s make your drawing board dreams into your reality.

Thank you to my coaching clients and thank you to those of you reading my blogs.

Going everywhere and nowhere at 50…

When I was 17 years old my dad purchased a big ol’ black Cadillac. At the time I didn’t know how much this car would change my life. The 1989 Cadillac Brougham was in mint condition with white wall tires, interior of crushed blue velour and wood grain accents, original thank-you for purchasing your Cadillac cassette tape, more Cadillac symbols than you can count and even enough room to comfortably fit all six foot three of me in the trunk. Now that’s cruising in luxury style, or so it was approaching the 1990s. The car was originally powder blue, but was painted when it was used to drive families in funeral processions.

I remember when my dad first brought this car home, I legit thought he was crazy (crazier than his usual baseline crazy).I was thinking why the heck would we need a car to cruise around in when we all had perfectly good reliable vehicles. I remember how intimidating it was when I first got behind the wheel. At the time I owned a beautiful two toned purple glitter Honda Civic hatch back. This compact car was as long as the front hood of the Cadillac. I wasn’t used to driving such a gigantic car. I was worried I would be the one to get into a car accident. I have had my share of accidents over the years.

In my everyday car I struggle to drive the speed limit and I have been pulled over a few times for traveling above the posted speed limit. I admit I crank my tunes and I sing my heart out and oh goodness I drive my car like I stole it. I think I would have made an amazing race car driver! I have a need for speed it and it makes me feel alive. My current car is a standard and I love shifting through the gears. However, something crazy happens to me when I get behind the wheel of the Cadillac and I end up driving everywhere and nowhere at 50 kilometers an hour. Traffic backs up behind me, people pass me staring in like “lady you’re going so damn slow”. Time stands still when I am cruising. There is something about this beautiful car staring out the hood that goes on forever and watching the big “caddy” hood ornament dance on the horizon, it just soothes my soul. This car makes me wanna slow down and enjoy every kilometer of cruising. Don’t get me wrong I still crank the tunes but I am not driving, I am cruising. I can be found behind the wheel of the Cadillac between April and October, with the biggest smile on my face. I am always the driver, never the passenger. My Cadillac song to crank up and sing my heart out to is Steppenwolf’s magic carpet ride. I feel like I am floating right along with the song. Yes it’s on a cassette tape with the big improvement of ‘89 being the sliding treble and bass feature. If you haven’t heard this Steppenwolf song I encourage you to rock out. I can speak from experience it’s not the same in my Volkswagen. It’s a Cadillac song.

This car has an instant way of cheering me up. I swear when my butt hits that crushed velour driver’s seat all my problems just melt away. When I’m upset or feeling down it’s easier into cry in comfort LOL Crushed velour really soaks up the tears. When you gaze out the long endless hood at the Cadillac , when you see the symbol floating in the sunshine and truly enjoy the cruise, you forget whatever is going on in your life, everything in that moment is that of pure joy. I am grateful for how this car has taught me to slow down in life and enjoy the little things you discover along the way. It has taught me to me to not be afraid to try a road less traveled. I have been lost many times in this beautiful car but I think that’s half the fun of discovering somewhere new.

The Cadillac came with a set of original gold keys, granted most of the gold has worn off they are still a thing of beauty. After owning the car for 10 years my dad and I made a bet whoever gets a Cadillac tattoo first can have the original gold keys. Let me tell you I happily have those gold beauties hanging on my key rack. I got the tattoo but first I made my dad in the dead of winter, go out to the garage of course in a snow storm to un-tarp the car and measure the hood ornament, so I could get the exact measurements of the hood ornament on me. Funny story being the tall girl I am when my tattoo artist drew it up with the exact measurements and placed it upon my right side where I had chosen to get tattooed it look straight up misplaced and awkward. This tiny tattoo on my big side would not work so I said “blow it up and make it a side piece” and side piece I have. My whole right side is a Cadillac tattoo. (Don’t tell my Opa he’s not a tattoo fan). With the gold keys in my hand and a tattoo for the win, my dad lost this beautiful car, if you ask anyone who knows us who owns the car? ME.

I have had the pleasure of cruising with so many friends and family over the last 20 years. My Corgi dog, Charleston, also loves a good cruise in his royal ride. My son has been Caddy cruising since he was a baby. I used to think I was the most excited for April when the car comes out but now my son is along for the ride with a huge smile on his face. He recently asked his papa to hold onto the Caddy until he can drive, only another 10 years. I cannot wait to see my sons face light up as he drives the big ol’ black Cadillac.

This car holds so many amazing memories near and dear to my heart. Thank-you to everyone, who has cruised around with me going everywhere and nowhere…Here’s too many more cruises and many more memories in the years to come.

The man behind the motto – Yes, the man behind the motto is my Opa, a wise man who came to Canada by boat from Germany many moons ago. He boarded a boat at the age of 18 for a land he didn’t know and a language he didn’t speak. He didn’t have a ton of money saved or a place to go. He left behind his family to create a life in Canada. He had no idea at the time what he was getting into. He did his best and his best amazes me to this day!

This man has always been a dreamer and a very hard worker. He is now in his 80s and still going strong. He has built houses, barns, apartment buildings, storage spaces, and a real working carousel in his back yard. You name it this man has probably built it or dreamt about it. I am pretty sure when he’s not building, his happy place is in his office dreaming about the next project. He always has a pencil in hand doodling away on blue graph paper and you never know what he will work on or dream up next. His mind is always going and so is that pencil. He goes through a lot of pencils and paper. I think he should get a discount at staples. haha

I talk to him on the phone pretty much every day. He calls it the seniors check-up. We like to catch up and laugh, and it seems to put us both in better moods. This man means more to me than words can ever describe. He has taught me so many lessons over my life time, but most importantly he’s always been that voice during times when I have failed or wanted to quit that has kept me going. He is my only grandparent left and he is amazing! I am so blessed to be able to take my son to a farm I so enjoyed as a child and even though it has changed so much over the years it’s not the working orchard or sheep farm it once was, it still holds so many precious memories. To see the joy in my sons eyes, to watch him build and dream alongside his Great Opa, just fills my heart so full. To watch the two of them load up and ride the tractor around the farm talking about who knows what, reminds me so much of when I was a kid riding right beside Opa too.

Recently my son came to me and said, “mom you know who the best in the family is?” I am not going to lie I was ready to accept my mother of the year crown, when he shattered my dreams and said “ Oh no mom its Opa.” Now he may have won because he always has a Kinder egg for my son but my son also says, “Opa’s the kindest person I know”. Even though I didn’t win the award of best in the family there is no one else I would rather lose to than Opa. I have to agree with my son, Opa is the kindest person I know too. My whole life he has shown kindness to not only us but to so many others. To know my Opa is to know what being loved really is.

I can’t think of the first time my Opa said “Do your best and if your best isn’t good enough fuck it”. He has said it to me so many times over my lifetime it got me thinking. It kept me going when I didn’t want to. It’s such a catchy saying that maybe his wise words could help other people. He taught me how to do my best and I want to share that with you!

I have to laugh, I have the “Do your best and if your best isn’t good enough fuck it” saying around my house on vision boards, print outs, wipe boards. It’s a saying I use often and now my son who is six said to me the other day, “mom what’s that saying of Opa’s you always use? I wanna share it at school!” Oh dear lord, my son is going to be kicked out of grade one. Sorry school. Goodness, I hope my Opa is available to home-school my boy. Try to explain it’s a good saying but you can’t use it at school, just before the bus. I guess I have to come up with a kid friendly school appropriate version.

I have so many wonderful memories and pictures from over the years all around my house. I continue to make memories. We are so blessed to call you our family. I just want you to know I am doing my best and I love you so much. Thank-you Opa.

As I end this I find it hard to stop writing about such an amazing man. I legit could write a book on just funny Opa stories. I kinda have to laugh knowing my Opa does not use a computer or know how to connect to the internet. He wouldn’t log on my website and read this or e-mail me and tell me how much he enjoyed it. I have to say thank goodness for Granny!!

Welcome to my blog.

As I sat down to write my first entry I struggled with what to write about first. I have so many good stories I want to share with you. I suppose I should start from the person who changed my life’s journey who awakened my life and set me on the course I am continuing to travel on.

A dear friend of mine told me about Louise Hay. I remember as she was describing this lady to me I was thinking how interesting but that’s not for me. Her name came up to me many times over the years as I was struggling with my life. I kept thinking I cannot ignore how many times I have heard this name it almost became annoying and so I decided to give her work a try. I remember the first time I read her book and I could not wrap my head around her ideas. I thought, wow, I am glad it worked for other people but she’s not for me. I kinda just scratched the surface of her work and gave up. Negativity doesn’t allow you to enjoy or learn much.

I have read so many self help books over the years. I have tried so many different self help methods but it wasn’t until I read “You can heal your life” by Louise Hay that I was blown away with the idea that your thoughts control how we feel. All my thoughts sucked, they were negative and my life, well it reflected that. I don’t think I knew Louse Hay was the author of the book until I was reading it and I remember laughing when I realized it’s her again- it’s that darn Louise Hay- okay I get it I’ll pay attention to your message this time. I finally had a moment and I realized that my thoughts were holding me back in my life and my thoughts were making me sick. I remember the first time I looked in the mirror and said an affirmation I legit thought this lady was crazy but bit by bit I stuck with it and I noticed when I changed my thinking my life changed.

I had the opportunity to attend a Hay House Convention in Toronto and the energy at this event was mind blowing. I actually went two years because I was just so blown away with the energy and information. As I was sitting on the floor on a lunch break after having attended some amazing speakers classes. I was enjoying a snack and had my copy of “You can heal your life” that I took everywhere with me, when out of the blue I see Louise Hay. I have to admit I was star struck, I could not believe my eyes, I feel like I blinked a million times and pinched myself. I went to get up off the floor where I was sitting when a line started to form I realized she was signing autographs. What a dream come true. A chance to meet her, but I thought being the negative girl whose thoughts ate away at her “Oh I’ll never get her autograph the lines to long or she’s only gonna sign so long and they will cut the line probably right when it comes up to me”. When I realized how negative my thinking was I thought to myself, no enjoy this moment, watch the peoples reactions as she signs their books and she takes pictures with them. Everyone she met and came into contact with at the convention lit up with excitement. After watching for a while the line died down, she signed everyone’s books and I was amazed she never cut the line. She took time for everyone and made so many peoples day. Heck, she made mine just witnessing the moment. I was feeling grateful and packing up to go off to the next adventure at the convention when the assistant lady, who was there with Louise Hay, approached me and asked “Do you wanna meet Louise Hay? Have your book signed?” I lost the ability to speak and just quickly nodded. Now for those of you who don’t know me I am a tall girl six foot three and I jumped up right from sitting to boom six foot 3 in half a second and I ran over unable to speak a word. I could not take my eyes off of Louise as she signed my book I felt as though I could pass out and I was so happy I cried. I often laugh at this memory and think if she was to remember me I would be the tall, awkward crying girl who jumped up out of nowhere just when she thought she was done haha. I spent the whole day, month, year, heck I would be lying if I said I still don’t stare at my book signed “Love Louise Hay”. Today the book and the memory sit right here in my home office. I will never forget how she made me feel. She forever changed my life! Thank you Louise Hay!