Blog

Make the best out of each day and out of each situation. On a day that could be stressful choose to be less stressed. I choose to make the best I can out of the day and be grateful.

For the last couple of weeks, I have been feeling sick. I have been missing work and unable to do much. Thankful for my mom who has been keeping my kiddo entertained while I am recovering.

I love my car, but my tires have given me all kinds of problems since I have had this car. I am not blaming my car. I love my car. I drive a lot and so I am sure it’s just the price you pay for the miles and memories that tick by. I just got rid of my tires both summer and winter which had all been patched for a new set and low and behold I need a patch. Once again I have a flat tire leaking. How does this keep happening to me? Over the last 5 years, I have had multiple sets of tires, and the struggles are real. I thought I have a new set of new tires this spring which means a new start well I am only a couple of months in and I had to drag out the gauge and pump and get back to checking. Just when you think you are done it is always something. Keeps me on my toes and I usually learn something along the way. I had my son out helping me he loves this type of help. I am thankful we didn’t have a tire blowout. I have put a lot of miles on this low-looking tire. I am thankful for a low leak where I am able to drive to town to get it fixed. I am thankful to have CAA roadside assistance for anything that does go wrong. I have had to call them quite a few times over the years.

To be clear this is not a blog complaint. I am thankful for my dad who spent 30 years working for a tire company and his discount for tires cannot be touched. I am thankful each and every year to have access to affordable tires that keep me on the road and safe. I am thankful for my brother who came over with a tire pressure gauge when I couldn’t find mine. Thankful prime day discounts I will be buying new ones today. I am thankful for my mechanic who has helped me out of a lot of car troubles as long as I have been driving. If you need a mechanic in the local Kingston area I would give raving reviews to Greg at Johns auto.  I am thankful yet again Greg was able to help me same day. Get back up and on the road. I always appreciate your help! Thank you!!

I think it’s best to make each and every day the best I can. Wise words from a senior I know. Car troubles can always bring about stress but they shouldn’t. I know I am in good hands. I know that all problems have a solution and I am good at problem solving.

What to do once you drop your car off to the garage?

Call your best friend to pick you up for a lunch date. I might be down a tire but I am up a burrito. My stomach is full and my face hurts from smiling. We soaked up some sunshine and sat down by the lake taking in the beautiful sights. On a beautiful summer day im so thankful my best friend is kicking cancers ass and planning a once in a lifetime trip coming this fall.

On a day that could be stressful I choose to look at how lucky I am. I am surrounded by the best people who each and every day I am so thankful are apart of my life. I have the best support crew that I know always have my back. I spend a few minutes each and everyday reflecting on how grateful I am. I am surrounded by love.

 

Let the summertime fun begin. Schools are out for summer! Your huge smile on your face as you ran in the door on the last day of school holding the final report card. Every year the teachers’ comments about you sweet boy bring tears to my eyes. Each and every year you make me so proud. You do such a great job in school. I hope you never lose that wonder to learn. It’s time to start the summertime fun!

Each year at the end of school you pick something fun to do. These summertime trips have been some of my favourite memories. You are such a joy to travel with and you make anything you do fun.

This year you found a cat cafe in Port Hope. Even though you have a cat at home who is needy and will share hot chocolate and baked goodies with you this is what you wanted to do. I am a big believer in making these road trips just the two of us an all-day fun event and since this was already animal-themed I took to google searching all the things around.

I found this interesting place that makes huge sculptures out of recycled materials with lots of animals to be found. Primitive designs we got lost in how cool everything was and we now want a huge sculpture for our home! If you live in this area or want a cool road trip check this out. It was free entry you are encouraged to make a donation and take something home from the multifloor gift shop. It had a little of everthing. D picked out a hedgehog candle holder to add to our dinner table and remind us of this day. I have added a giant flamingo and palm tree to my want list.

We had lunch along the shores of lake Ontario. After lunch he took me on a wonderful walk about before heading to meet the cats.

Toe beans cat cafe was absolutely adorable. They had 37 cats up for adoption. I had a delightful chai latte and D enjoyed a cat butt cookie. I must say this place was spotless and the cats are so loved. Some people come often some people like D would stay forever and if he could he would have adopted all the cats. We booked time tickets I am not sure if they had a time limit because once they saw how amazing D was with cats they just let him have the time of his life. He had all the cats falling in love with him. I sat sipping my latte thinking I love his life. I hope he grows up and does something with animals. He really has a way with animals that is amazing to witness. We stayed at the cat cafe for a long while and even got pins to support the kitties. D wants to go back again if anyone wants to have coffee with cats he is ready to go!

The afternoon I decided to go to a mini goat farm. My mom has 2 goats that were supposed to be mini but turned into full sized goats with horns that hurt. I figured we might see some baby mini goats so off we went to Haute goat farm. D being the animals whisperer he is had all the animals falling in love with him. It might have been the grass he was feeding him or the conversations he always talks to the animals. This farm has Islandic horses who came running over to eat grass and get some pat pats. Gorgeous horses I wish I could have fit one in my car. The farm also had chickens, aplacas, goats and pigs. They also do some disc golf that looked super fun. They have speical events and delicious treats in the screaming goat cafe. D tried goats milk ice cream and gave it raving good reviews. If you want an animals themed day this day did not disappoint our pets might have been slightly mad when we got home and they smelled us but we had a day filled with laughter, fun and smiles.

No trip home is complete without a quick stop for cheesecake and pie and the famous big apple. My entire life my dad always stopped at this tourist destination and every year I looked forward to it. My Opa always stopped for pie too. It is a family tradition I am happy my son also looks forward too. With sugar highs and great first day of summer vacation I cannot wait to see all the things we pack into the best Canadian summer months. Stay tuned for more fun thought the eyes of a 10 year old. Soak up as much summer fun as you can!

I started to find myself losing faith that I was ever going to get this sign and then it literally hit me on the head. I got your message loud and clear thank you! You make me believe in the afterlife with a combination of tears and laughter. You make me less scared of death. You bring comfort to me when I need it most.

Back in February, I went to see a psychic medium in hopes of hearing a message from my Opa. Since you left my world has been far too quiet.  I was hoping that visiting a psychic medium would bring closure but I got so much more. The medium told me I would be seeing signs and to be open to receiving them. I have always been open and believe in signs. Some of my favourite people have passed and I see signs all the time that they are right here with me. I am surrounded by an amazing crew of angels.

I admit I was starting to lose faith as the months ticked by and I thought that my special message from Opa was never going to come. After chatting with a friend who also believes in signs she recommended I start talking out loud to you. I took that advice and I started talking to you out loud. I miss our conversations Opa. I wander around my house so thankful for the years we shared and try to update you about all the things happening. I know you are right here with me smiling. You had the most handsome smile!

I kept thinking finding two feathers stuck together is never going to happen. Never say never! Keep your positive thoughts in check. It can and will happen. In a world where everything is instant slow down and enjoy. Things happen at the right time and place. When you need them most.

I had yet to find even one single feather since you passed. I started thinking did she give me the right message from you? I refused to give up believing that you are right here with me. I am sure anyone who can see me wandering around my house talking thinks I am talking to myself and wouldn’t believe them if I said I was talking to you.

On a sunny afternoon in June, I went out to my yard to clean up the mess left behind from cutting down a tree. I was out there for a couple of hours working away and just as I was finishing up something hit me on the head. I was like what the heck was that? When I saw it I couldn’t speak I just erupted into tears. Two feathers stuck together in your colours brown and blue. I sat on my step pouring in tears thinking how hard the last year without you has been for me. I laugh thinking about you throwing those feathers at my head. You had probably sent me messages I missed. I got this message loud and clear. I eat my words of not believing this will happen.

Thank you! I needed that. I walked into the house and showed my son, who couldn’t believe it. He just hugged me and let me know how much I am loved. I am so lucky to be this boy’s mom and I am so thankful Opa got to experience a part of his life. I promise to keep talking and give you all the updates and you keep sending me signs. Keep watch over us and keep us safe.

These 2 feathers will forever be displayed on our shelf next to one of my favourte pictures of you and the caddy!

I miss you so much!

Just when you start to give up is when you eat your words. Keep working towards your goals, things will happen for you at the right place and time.

When I think of you I remember the days of road trips smoking cigarettes and singing songs at the top of our lungs. Your long blonde hair blowing in the wind. I always thought you were the most beautiful girl. We used to laugh and say you got it from your momma.

I have this long playlist and many of the songs are ones you added over the years but forever one song will remind me of you. The lyrics hit a bit harder now that you are gone. The Cranberries- Zombie. I always thought you could have recorded a cover. You had a beautiful singing voice. You used to light up when this song came on and you could listen to it over and over. This song will forever be dedicated to you and I will forever sing it at the top of my lungs hoping you can hear. I miss you.

I called you Texas from a funny story of drinking with a college friend who thought your name was Texas. From that moment it just stuck and I decided with a personality as big as yours that you would forever be Texas. You lit up any room you entered and people remembered you. You had a gift of gab I think that runs in the family.

I still have my Texas grafitti picture of you in Germany. We stuck together like glue on that trip and laughed so hard when in the middle of no where on a bus trip we saw that badly painted mural. How quickly I pushed you off that bus to take the perfect funny picture that over the years I had sent you so many time.

I wish I could have given you one more hug. I wish we could have spent more time together. I know you are sitting with Oma and Opa and are well taken care of. We all miss you here girl and you were loved more than you could ever know. Until we meet again Texas.

 

Last Tuesday when I should have been writting I was  at work. Last Tuesday got away from me and I didn’t complete my writing. Last Tuesday was a rough day I will admit that. On my drive to work I was rushing getting up at 5 am is a struggle for me. I didn’t know that we had forest fires actively burning around us. I am not one to watch much of the news I catch the highlights but the news is mostly a negative view of the world. I struggle with watching it daily. On my drive to work I thought something was wrong with my car, about half way throuth the drive it smelled like it was on fire. I thought that I was driving through fog as that is common off the lake and along my drive. I did not know that what I thought was fog was smoke.

I quickly came to realize that the air quality was extrememly bad and Ontario was on fire in multiple locations. Forest fires is something I am only used to hearing about from my family who lives in the west this is a first for me. I had only ever seen forest fires in British Columbia in the summer months visiting my grandma. In all my years Ontario has always been safe.

The building that I work in was smelling of smoke and even with a mask on the smell caused me to have a raging headache. I could tell this day was going to be a struggle as many little things just kept going wrong and if one more person was rude to me for something I didn’t do or something I can’t control goodness. Those days when little things just keep adding up. Those days when you call your best friend because she understands. These days make me more and more dream of working from home! Home where my dog is always kind to me.

On this Tuesday I needed to remember to slow down and choose to embrace all that did go right and be thankful for the smoke passing by and not staying. To know I am still safe where I am. My family, friends,  and my home are safe. I couldn’t imagine loosing my life to fire my heart goes out to those affected.

I  believe in signs and I think this was just the sign I needed from a family member who I haven’t heard from in a long while. A long lost cousin who thanks to social media has reconnected. Someone who I always admired and looked upto. He probably doesnt know how much I adored him and I wanted to be like him as a kid. I thought he was the coolest. He sent me a message on this Tuesday and it was everything I needed as a reminder that we have the ability to choose how our days go. I opened this message on a fly running down the stairs at quitting time and it stopped me dead in my tracks and brought tears to my eyes. It reminded me to slow down and make a choice.

The message simply said:

Today is Chooseday.

Choose to smile

Choose to be happy

Choose to love

I will forever be calling each and every day Chooseday. We all have the ability to make a choice how we live each day. Choose to see the good in each day. Embrace all the good things that happen. We all get caught up in the cycle of negativity and things that didn’t go right and it sets a tone for the day. Once I changed that tone my day suddenly took a turn for the better. Each and everyday I remind myself I cannot control everything that happens in my day but I can choose to smile, I can choose to be happy and I can choose love. Thank you Kelly for spreading positivity and reminding me of the choices we make. Love you cousin!

Today my best friend is choosing to kick cancer’s ass as she has her surgery. Smalls you are my rock, my best friend and I love you to the moon and back girl. Kick cancers ass Greece is calling us! One step closer to delicious foods with beautiful views.

 

 

 

Growing up one of my favorite memories was writing letters. Writting letters inspired me to keep writing. Writing letters is still something I love to do.

In public school, we wrote to people from the other side of the world. Places I grew up dreaming of visiting. Worlds apart I couldn’t wrap my head around life being any different than Canada. I was shocked that some parts of the world didn’t have snow in winter.

I wrote my best friend who lived a few hours away. We would fold out letters into the most complicated origami we could learn. When I look back on these letters, I laugh not only at the folding but the troubles we wrote about during the simple times of life. If only we knew those weren’t even problems, just wait until you’re an adult. Brace yourself the problems will be coming.

I loved to write to my family who lived out west. I wanted to keep my family close to me so that I would never feel alone. My biggest fear was being alone. Writing letters made me feel like  I was a part of all of my families life.

I would run home after school to check the mailbox. I still can’t think of a greater feeling than seeing your words as they danced across the pages and I soaked every word drawing a picture in my mind of what you were describing. Worlds apart, your writing made it feel like you were beside me. Writing back to you excited me and I couldn’t wait for the next letter.  I burned through the pages, envelopes, and endless amounts of stamps. Stamps with beautiful designs. I look forward to seeing your writing more than you will ever know. I have so many letters I treasure from people who are no longer hear. On days when I miss you the most I am glad I can read the words you left me with. Thank you for always writing. Thank you for making time to make me feel loved.

I haven’t written a letter in years. The most writing I do is a quick message in a card. Nowadays everything is typed and emails come in constantly it takes away that excitement, the wait, the joy of ripping open an envelope. I still love a card with a message but even those are few and far between. It seems the way to wish anyone anything is on social media. I feel like all those sweet instant messages will disappear and we will be left to remember those days.

The days when we wrote letters to practise our cursive writting which they no longer teach in school. My son asked me did I know they used to have an old way to writting where your pen never left the paper. Way to make my writing seem so old like I was chipping the letters into stone. Oh technology how you have taken away our simple writting skills. If we ever want to write secret messages our kids cannot understand we dont need another language we just need cursive writing.

I am encouraging my son to write more letters. I will forever be writting things to him. Slipping little love notes and reminders of how much he is loved into his everday life.

I would love my son to have more pen pals. I have a wonderful friend who sends him post cards from all over the world wherever she travels off too. He is always so thrilled to get mail addressed to him. The biggest smile come across his face as he can now read the words you write. You will never know how much I appreciate that you do this!

My son is an old soul and always bonds so well with elderly people I asked him recently if he would like to write to a retirement home and make someones day and he absolutely loved this idea. Challenge excepted. Secretly I am doing it to improve his writing but as the world goes on line less people take to paper and his writing skills are his lowest grade. As it was once my lowest grade until I took to the love of writting then I came and will always be unstoppable.

We always write out things we are grateful for and I hope we can look back at these for years to come and smile at all the amazing things we have and will have in our lives. Leaving a permanent ink stain on paper to read back over the years. I hope my words bring you love and give you that same feeling I felt. I hope you son collect cards and letters like I did to treasure on your hardest days you will know how loved you are.

 

 

 

Recently someone said to me “Trust the next chaper of your life you know the author” this really made me think. As someone who aspires to one day finish this darn book I am working on writing, with the ultimate dream to be someones favourite author. I sometimes forget I am writing my life story. I have been so focused on this time of my life and sharing part of my life and lessons my sweet heart dog taught me. After my last blog a lot of people reached out to me about my son meeting his father and how it got to that point in life. I would say: We are all doing the best we can. Be kind to one another. Leave people better than you found them. Learn to forgive and how to love. Take time, sometimes all you need is time. Start with self forgiveness and self love and then you can move onto forgiving others and loving others. Learning forgivness and love enriched my life. No one taught me the art of self love. I became obessed with it when my life hit hard time. I will forever be working on myself and making time for myself. You have to take care of yourself in order to care for others. 

It took me many years to learn and practise the art of self love. After I became a single mother I made alot of life changes and its has been a wild ride over the last 10 years. I am honest and I admit Inever wanted to be a mom and when I found out my tears were not happy tears they were pure fear. My biggest fear has been my greatest accomplishment. My son D is a sassy little version of me and I am thankful for friends and family who have helped me bring up this little man. I am thankful for those who gave me strength and kind words over the years. I have to admit seeing his father after 10 years was a difficult decision but I want to make anything my son wants possible.  I have no idea how this will turn out but when you think of it we rarely know how anything we do will turn out we just do the best we can. Do your best.

Do I have regrets? Don’t we all? I have learned most of my life lessons the hard way but those lessons when learned the hard have stuck with me. I know I haven’t always made the best or right decisions but I did what I thought was right and I am thankful how life turned out and I wouldn’t change anything or I wouldn’t be where I am today. I know how to take ownership for the wrongs I have done and I willing say sorry when its due. I have had some great conversations over the last few years for reaching out to people I owed a sorry too. I have had alot of chapters in my life some page turning dramas, some boring parts, some what the fuck parts, some filled with laughter, love, change and filled with memories. I hope when I one day leave this world people remember the good in me and my son keeps that spark of life.

This las year has taught me that our time is limited and you can write your life however you want. What will your next chapter hold? Trust your process and decisions you make. Do your best and if your best isn’t good enough fuck it do it anyways! Make your book whatever you want it is your story and you are the author.

Oh my goodness where has time gone?

Spring arrived with a mix of weather from hot to cold to stormy and nice, just pick a season I don’t know how many layers I need. I have had my windows open and for once heard the songs of beautiful birds and not the constant honking of geese. Cairo the kitty can always be found in the window he quite likes the Canadian air.

April started with a storm that knocked out my power and then with a generator, a gas tank, and cold wind blow hairdo I made an error that almost blew up my house. I am thankful for my guardian angel,  it was his birthday and I know he keeps my house safe. A quick crying phone call to remind me how thankful I am yet again to be alive. Thank you for keeping me safe.

April will forever hold 2 of my favourite birthdays. Opa would have been 89 this year and all of your family ate your favourite cake. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you! I am sure you hear me constantly talking to you.

Landon the boy now the man who made me an Auntie I will forever run and hug you till it hurts. I am so thankful you came on Easter. I loved looking around the table and thinking Opa would love this everyone together.

Spring always puts me in the mood to clean and organize and now that I have my house back we are making it our home. With so much room and decluttering that a move brings I feel  rejuvinated. That same feeling I feel when I walk out after the ran and take a deep breath in Ah thats my favourite spring moment. Inhale, exhale, declutter and tackle the next chapter of life.

I have spent a month off, not working and just enjoying my time. I have had the best April! Welcome spring. I am stress free and ready to tackle all the good vibes coming my way.

The caddy is out of storage and I took a lovely sunny day coffee cruise that just filled my soul! Every year that car purrs along the road adds the biggest smile to my face. No matter the worries the crushed velour seats melts them away. I love the caddy! Every first cruise brings tears to my eyes even twenty four years later I still feel that same emotion of pure love. I look over at my dad who just knows he has to be passenger and the smile on his face these are the moments I will forever treasure.

April brought upon a great lunch with Gran and a delightful cheesecake at a local joint that we both swore we would share our slices and then without even noticing because they were so delicious we devoured them. I had to shake Gran down to make sure she left our new kitty at home she is the reason Cairo came into our lives she is the animal whisperer. Thankfully she is not a cat napper D did tell her that she could no longer be his Gran if she stole the cat. I am grateful this woman is still a huge part of my life. I would be lost without you gran thanks for always being my person!

April brought a sisters visit that made me laugh until it hurt and filled my heart with so much love. Any time spent with those girls I cherish and I am so thankful over the years we have stayed in touch. Our parents may have went seperate ways but you will forever be my sisters.

April brought a message from my BC brother right after I said I needed to get in touch he messaged me first and this NEVER happens. It was so nice to catch up and I can hear the mountains calling my name. I can’t wait to dip my toes in the Pacific and see the mountains.

April brough upon a meeting I never thought would happen. My son met his father for the first time in 10 years. As I sat across the table watching these two meet I couldn’t help but chuckle about how much they are alike. I am still in a bit of shock that this meeting actually happened it has been a long time in the making and it will be interesting to see where this journey takes them.

April brought tons of time with friends. Road trips for snacks, shopping and endless hugs, love and future plans. I love my friends!

April brought upon some pretty wild hockey games and some second round drama I didn’t think would happen. Even though neither of my hockey teams made the playoffs I am still enjoying some heavy hitting games. Love me a good hockey game.

April brought upon so much relaxation, decluttering and work around the house. Thankful I didn’t blow the house up.  Buy a house they said it will be fun. It has been an adventure for sure. Thankful for the help I have. Thankful for all the amazing people who surround me.

Cheers to sunny days and all the adventures to come! Thankful for spring and all the things this year has taught me already.

 

The smile on this boys face makes your journey worth it. Meet Cairo our new kitty all the way from Cairo Egypt. Yes, he meows with an accent.

Seven years ago when we moved to this house my son asked for a kitten and being the animal lover that I am I could not resist. I grew up lucky enough to be surrounded by pets and I wanted the same thing for my son.

A family friend of our just so happened to have a tiny black kitten in need of rescuing. We welcomed Noah into our home and him and D quickly became best friends. D had a little meow call that Noah would come running. Noah loved all people but his love for D was unreal they were always together. From the first trip to the vet we were told that this little kitten he had fallen in love with had many health complications and most likely wouldn’t live long. I was preparing my son to give this kitty the best home he could for however long he could.

Fast forward seven years they shared a million adorable moments. D would never be ready to say goodbye to his beloved best friend. He did his meow call and Noah didn’t come running. For weeks he had laid beside him trying to nurse him back to health but we both knew the end was coming. He had been acting strange and all the signs were there that a goodybe would be soon. D took the time to write Noah a 2 page goodbye letter that brought me ugly tears and I read it to Noah in his final moments. There was absolutely no doubt that kitty lived the posh life. I could only hope to come back in another life as one of D’s spoiled kitties. This boys ability to love animals and to connect with all kinds is wild. He is an animal whisperer.

Our family friend who seven years ago had gotten us sweet Noah was now working with a rescue in Egypt and looking for a home for this sweet Siamese kitty. I feel in love with his cute little face and cried when I heard how he had spent the first few months of his life. We watched a video of an Egyptian market where Ash from this rescue purchased this kitty from an aquarium living with snakes biting him He was in rough shape. He had been shown nothing but cruel behaviour until Ash rescued him. Ash might be one of the sweetest humans I have ever had the pleasure of speaking with. She agreed to let us adopt this sweet boy and the wheels were set in motion. If anyone is searching for a kitty this wonderful lady has about 140 kitties of all kinds and is looking for homes and donations to keep her amazing rescue going. Please feel free to reach out and I can get you in touch. She sends kitty once a month on flights to Canada and the USA. I never knew how horrible the conditions could be until I watched some of her videos. As someone who loves animals I was brought to tears and determined to donate to this cause. I couldn’t wait to take a kitty from her sweet rescue. Ash will forever be my cat sister!

Cairo arrived at the Toronto airport and was one of many cats on the flight off to better opportunities. His carrier was personalized with the sweetest message from Ash. She sent him over with so much love. He had a little passport and the cutest blue eyes. He looked scared and was wondering what the heck is going on? D sat in the car hugging his carrier and talking to him the whole way home. Cairo was quiet the whole way home. For the last couple days they have been snuggled up and becoming fast friends. Welcome to your new life filled with love.

 

As I sit trying to write this blog Cairo is sitting with me watching out the window at the wildlife spring has to offer here in Canada. I had to google if Egypt has squirrels as he seems quite taken by those. He has adjusted well to our sweet little home and is thankful to have a best friend D. I guarantee he will have  posh spoiled life being D’s best friend. Cairo still isn’t sure what a corgi is or why we have one but we hope they will come to like each other. For now he just spits at Kelso and runs away all puffed up she seems rather confused as to what we let loose in the house. Never a dull moment with our pets.

Thank you Janelle for pulling this all together and being the Canadian cat whisperer. Thank you Granny for being at the right place at the right time and helping us pull all this together. Thank you Ash for all your hard work and the difference you make to so many animals lives. I love seeing all the updates from around the world. We are so thankful to once again have a rescue kitty to love!

You betcha is a saying I never heard until my teenage years. You betcha is something my brother Dan says constantly. It starts a sentance and it ends it too.  If anyone says you betcha I can immediately hear his voice and how he says it. The tone  and the way he says you betcha is forever burned into my memory.

When I was 17 years old my whole life was turned upside down but in the best way possible. I was 17 years old when I found out I had a brother from another mother. I named my only son after him because he was everything I needed to complete my life. I am so thankful that he wanted to meet me. I had no idea how much this meeting would forever change my life. He made me an Auntie many times over. My nephews and my niece complete my heart. I am so lucky!

Meeting my brother was one of the greatest moments that has ever happened in my life. We are so much alike. Being so alike and maintaining a relationship from a distance so many provinces between us I will admit it has been a struggle at times. Lately I keep hearing people say you betcha and I know it’s a sign I need to get my ass together and head to the  west, my heart longs to be lost in the mountains. As my family gets smaller and people leave my heart I want to keep those still here closer. Family means the world to me and I’m forever working to keep everyone close. I know as I sit in my sunny lake window writing this that I am where I need to be. I am blessed and I love my life.

Recently I sat in this same sunny window staring at message wondering what to do with it. I wonder would my brother say you betcha you did the right thing or tell me I am a dumbass. I did what I thought was the right thing. Life doesn’t come with instructions and lately I am winging it. I have always followed my heart. It hasn’t always lead me in the right direction I should probably follow my gut.

I changed my sons name and I built a foundation for our lives. I have lived my whole life to do everything for my boy. I know I haven’t always made the best decisions and I know I have broken your heart sweet boy. I am just trying to do what I feel is best for both of us. I sent a message that could completely change our lives or they could stay just how they are. I am not sure where this journey will take us but I hope it is for the best. I am going forward with an open mind and open heart ready for the next journey of life. I am doing my best and if my best isn’t good enough fuck it!