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This pillow reminds me of the most remarkable man I have ever met. he also happened to be my Opa. This pillow was made out of one of his favourite “fancy” shirts.

Opa had a love for the colour brown and a wonderful plaid design. He always had handkerchiefs in his pockets as well as a pencil and many other items. You never knew what he had in those pockets. His pockets always appeared endless as he pulled things out. He packed a pocket like I pack my purse.

These types of plaid shirts were what Opa would call his “fancy” shirts. Compared to his collection of warn-out farm t-shirts.

I found this pillow design while scrolling through Pinterest. I thought the idea was a good way for all of us grandkids to keep him close. Thank you granny for sharing his “fancy” shirts. Thank you to my mom who did an amazing job sewing so many together on short notice. Mom took the time to sew on a heart and stuff the pocket with one of his handkerchiefs and a personalized note. Each note she took the time to personalize and type out on her vintage typewritten. My note brought me to tears as I read “This pocket was once over my heart now hold it near yours for we’ll never be apart.” It still brings me to tears.

This pillow has been on my couch since Opa passed. I watch his favourite shows and keep him close.

I recently returned from a trip to see what I thought was a card tucked in the pocket but it wasn’t a card but rather a collection of carousel stamps including the Roseneath carousel.

This stamp collection brought me to tears, not the stamps but the image that instantly flooded my mind. When I saw the stamp of the Roseneath carousel it brought me right back to a beautiful fall day at the fair riding the Roseneath carousel. I spun around going up and down giggling at how much joy this simple ride brought me. As I glanced out into the crowds I located my Opa with a huge smile on his face beaming from side to side as he hummed along to the carousel song.

He loved carousels so much that he had a huge collection in his house, some played music, and some were just gorgeous to look at. His collection was from all over the world.  He loved carousels so much that he even built his great-grandchildren a real working carousel in his backyard that went around, up and down, and played music so he could enjoy their wonderous smiles as they happily road around with their stuffed friends.

I know you are always near and I miss you crazy amounts. Thanks for all the memories. Your words live on through me.

http://www.roseneathcarousel.com/

Last week after I finished my blog and posted it I was thinking I have an afternoon to myself how should I spend it? When I checked my phone my friend Jes had sent me a message did I want to go kayaking? Truth be told I wanted to sit on my deck in the sun and read but I have two kayaks that have just been sitting all summer waiting to be used and I live steps away from the lake. I agreed to go kayaking with her and enjoy some outside time without ever looking outside.

My morning had been filled with interviews something I haven’t done in a long time selling companies on why they should pick me. I have my fingers crossed I hear some good news. I think I have found a job that will allow me to fill my passions. Dream jobs do exist you just have to find them. (Update I got the job-work from home gig full-time!)

As we loaded up the kayaks and made our way to the lake I could see the white caps of the waves forming. We made a goal to make it down to the park despite the waves. We had quite the fight with the waves but we had a goal and we were going to get there. While paddling until our arms hurt making little progress into the wind we laughed, we took water into our boats and we just said what a nice day it was. We decided to focus on going with the motion and not fighting. It was a beautiful sunny day the breeze on the lake was refreshing. I’m sure to anyone on the shore we looked like we needed to be rescued. I’m not sure if people thought we were laughing or crying.

The waves coming made me think a lot about how life has been, where I want to go, and how the waves are like everyday obstacles.  Like each wave, I can only manage one issue at a time. As each wave came I thought how is it best to deal with this wave? You can choose to fight against the waves and maybe take on some water and some trouble along the way My granny always uses the saying “Is this the hill you want to die on?” be prepared to fight if you feel it is. This saying of grannies put into perspective what is important for me. There are very few things I would die to prove. I enjoy seeing other people’s points of view and thoughts. I know my way isn’t the only way or the right way it’s just another way of doing something.  Having conversations leads to great outcomes. I like to lead the way and be the one who discovers how to do something but just because I did it one way doesn’t mean you can’t do it another. What works for one person may not always work for the next. I realized as I watched Jes get to shore alongside me using a completely different method including some impressive spins but we both made it. Life isn’t about who makes it to the finish line the fastest it’s about enjoying the journey. Tackling the day’s waves with laughter and great company.

These last two months slowing down the pace of life and realizing where I am supposed to be and filling my days with passion have taught me so much. I am thankful for each one of my adventures, my tribe of amazing people, and the opportunities that have come my way.

Start each day with a grateful heart and let the waves take you with the flow to where you’re supposed to be. Remember to listen when other people talk and a conversation takes two people with equal amounts of talking. If you disagree think is this the hill I want to die on? As someone who used to be always right it not worth it. Stop and listen you could learn a lot.

 

As I walked here alone along the beach next to the Atlantic Ocean last week I captured this gorgeous sunset. I was alone at the beach walking for hours and hours trying to see the sunset from all angles. The brilliant colors that danced in the sky which reflected off the beach, every time you turned it appeared to be even prettier as it moved down the beach.  I was also hoping to catch a glimpse of the supermoon that was supposed to be in view yet it remained hidden behind dense clouds. For hours I walked up and down the beach my heart so full of love. My mind wandered to what a hectic week it had been. I was excited to be soon going home. To unpack my suitcase and greet the pets. Vacation is always an experience but there is no place like home.

I spent as much time every day as I could right close to the ocean listening to the waves wash up on the shore. This will forever be my favorite sound. I even braved getting into the ocean with my son something I rarely do. I got thrown and taken out by a few giant waves. The waves don’t wait for anyone many of us got thrown around before we made it out to the point you could flow with the waves. I forgot how big the waves are and how hard the riptide can be. Just swimming for a short time exhausted me. I caught a great tan and even read a couple of books but I was struggling on this trip for a variety of reasons. This sunset and a moment alone is just what I needed. As I looked back and saw my footprints in the sand it got me thinking about what is the footprint of my life that I want to leave behind? I want to share my passion and my lessons with the world. I felt more compelled to write than I ever had. This is when I took this picture to capture the feeling I was having. To remember this moment in time for the rest of my life.

I sat on the beach in a spot that was empty no one near me, it was near dark at this point and I just started writing about whatever came to my mind. Ocean waves and writing have a way of clearing my mind. I needed to find some clarity. I have so many things that have happened lately that have sucked out all my positive energy I admit I was feeling drained and I knew I wanted to change that feeling so I wrote and I cried. Not because I was sad my life is always changing and I am grateful for the path I am on and all the things I am learning. I cried because as I wrote I had so much to be thankful for. I used to write all the things that were bothering me and flow all the negativity which usually just left me feeling sadder.  As I sat and stared at this list I was so grateful for so many people in my life. I have such a tribe of great people surrounding me. I am always changing and finding new ways to work through things. Life is about always learning and changing the way you look at things. Thank you to all those I reached out to lately needing to hear your words of wisdom. For the phone calls shared, the messages shared, the tea, and the wine and snacks I am grateful for each and every one of you. Remind yourself daily what you’re grateful for. Having a grateful heart moves your day in a positive way.

 

I have made a series of choices that have changed my life.  With these choices I learned to never say never.

Here are some examples of times in my life when I said never.

Never say never.

I said I would never have a child. I grew up dreaming of living a life spent alone surrounded by pets. I thought that was living the dream. I never dreamed I would be a mom. I am beyond thankful for my son. My son is the light of my life. I couldn’t imagine life without him. These last nine years of my life have been the best journey along side him. He has taught me so much and we have created so many memories together. He brings out a love I never knew existed in me. He is the little dude version of me and every day I am so thankful this sweet boy is mine.

After my heart dog, Charlie passed away I said I would never have another dog. Never say never within twenty-four hours my son found our Kelso’s dog online and she quickly came to join and run our family. You drive us crazy miss Kelso but we love you. The bond you share with D is beyond cute. He finally got the dog of his dreams. Careful what you wish for.

A year ago I decided to brave something I have always been fearful of. I am trying to face my fears and learn that I am only fearful because of the way I view something. Change the way you think about things and your experience can be very different.

A year ago I signed up for online dating. Something I said I would N-E-V-E-R do.

I said I would never online date. Never say never I braved it and I want to say is ladies holy heck how do you all do it? That process is exhausting! I picked a paid app praying that it would be a little bit better than the free apps. It didn’t restore my faith in dating. Online dating made me question my choices. I was overwhelmed and these dudes consumed a lot of my time. I met a couple of men that made me think I’ll be alone collecting dogs forever. Nothing wrong with that. My life was happy I just always thought my person was out there. I have spent the last six years alone working on myself after a horrible ending to a love story I thought would never end.  Never say never. I was enjoying life just me but I was at the point of being too independent and being alone FOREVER! Again nothing wrong with being alone I just always envisioned spending my time with “my person” but I was beginning to think this person I envisioned didn’t exist.

On the very last day of my membership, I was deleting my information taking down my pictures, and just being over this whole process. I didn’t think I failed I learned a lot about myself and others along the way. I gave myself 90 days which seemed like 900 by the time it wrapped up. As I was deleting my information, I am still not 100% sure how I ended up on this message in my inbox, but after reading this guy’s information, I thought I’d reply to just one more message.

I ended up having a wonderful conversation with this guy, then I chose to meet him. I honestly didn’t think we would hit it off and I almost canceled. At the last minute, I slapped on my lipstick and braved the meeting. I am happy to say it’s been 365ish days and we are still sharing our lives.

I said I would never have anyone live in my house. Seven years ago when I purchased this house it was going to be my house with my son and our dog. Our happy little lakeside living.

Never say never we now share our home. It went from our little house to one that’s again changed around re-painted and added another member in.  I am excited for what the next 365 days hold. I will admit I was nervous to move in together but I realized my fear of living with someone comes from past experiences and I am no longer bringing my past forward. This is a new experience and I will do my best every day to enjoy it.

I said I would never quit my hospital job. A job I loved for the last almost twelve years. Never say never. I did it. I left my job to pursue traveling and to get my book written. I am dedicating time every day to writing something I love. I am looking for the next great work-at-home opportunity to come my way. I am excited about where this journey takes me next.

I am letting go of fear and embracing what comes next. I will no longer say NEVER because I never know what could happen next. I am grateful for every day and I do my best to fill it with love and kindness.

 

Hello, summer, how I have missed you! Today marks the official first day of summer. It started as an overcast rainy kind of day but I love the rain, it awakens all the senses. I love to go out for a walk right after the rain with the rich color and crisp scents.

As I am writing Kelso the corgi dog is sitting beside me hinting every so obviously that she would like to go for a walk. I accidentally asked my son if he was walking to school?  Since that moment miss Kelso has been trying so hard to make me walk. She lives for her daily walk.

Next week marks the last day of school for my son and the last week of work before our summer adventures begin. We have two jam-packed months filled with fun adventures. Make it a summer to remember. Creating moments together that we will forever remember and that fills our hearts. Every year we plan some great summer adventure D’s choice and it always ends up being so much fun. I always have to cut our adventures short due to work. Shift working and being a single mom definitely makes me think I have missed a lot of his years. I am thankful for all the love, support, and help I have to raise my boy. I am blessed to have a village of people supporting and loving my boy.

This year between experiencing death and turning forty life hit me hard. This year taught me more than ever to be thankful for each and every day I am given. I know life can be over at any moment but I hope to make it into my late senior years. The thought of my life being half over well I have so many things I want to do. My bucket list is long!

I started thinking why don’t I do those things? It turns out I was filled with fearfulness. I refuse to live a life filled with fear been there done that don’t recommend it. What did I do? I started facing my fears. I know fear is just the way I look at things. I had to change how I was looking and thinking about things that caused me fear. For example, I have wanted to quit my job for years and pursue something that has meaning and something that uses my skills. I loved my paper-pushing job and the co-worker friends I have gained along the journey but it wasn’t really using my skills and it’s the same kind of day in and day out. I want to do something that fills my heart and I feel like I have made a difference. I have always wanted to work from home. I love where I live. The more I look into jobs that can be done from home the more excited I am. I am no longer fearful I am excited.

As a wise senior once told me Fuck it. Life is too short live it. Follow your heart and your dreams.

Right now I must go and follow my corgi on a walk as much as I want to say I am in charge of my house we all know who the Queen is.

Happy first day of summer everyone. Here is to gorgeous weather, enjoying fun in the sun, lake life, van life, and patio season with friends and family. Onto the next great adventure and writing the next chapter of my life.

Last night I wrote a blog called “Jack of hearts” about my Tuesday plans, however, those plans fell through, and at 6 am I was sitting in front of my screen thinking well now what do I write about? I was thinking what will I do with my day? I have so many projects on the go. So much I want to do and yet today I didn’t want to do anything at all. I was feeling tired and uncharged.

When I stepped outside the sun was shining and it was going to be a gorgeous day. Perfect day for some good tunes and a drive. I decided to take the same drive I have been doing for most of my life. I headed to the farm to visit Gran.

I poured a cup off coffee and headed out. The first song that played off my random play list is a song that since my Opas passing keeps leaving me in tears. It’s hard enough driving to the farm I was hoping this song wouldn’t set the tone of the day.

I keep thinking I will open the door at the farm and hear the greeting my Opa used to say I miss so much. Instead, my tears quickly turned to laughter as Gran’s dog my best dog friend almost knocks me over with excitement. No one in this world greats me with such excitement. Dogs know, he knows I need that when I come to visit. I spend most of my visit playing, laughing, and cuddling this dog who thinks he is a lap dog but in reality, is a large breed dog. He gives great hugs!

I needed this day. The last couple of days I have had a heavy heart overthinking things from the past and worrying about the future that I forgot to take a breath and just enjoy today. I cant change the past and I cant predict the future I can just live each and every day and make them as amazing as I can. Today reminded me of this message.

Gran and I spent our day shopping, we enjoy a delightful lunch together with the best chai latte in Picton. Last week we dined at a local market in Wellington and she hooked me up with a taco stand I would highly recommend. Now I love a taco but these were Doritos bag tacos, yes you heard me. She took me to a guy who cuts open a bag of Doritos either Cool ranch or Nacho cheese and puts all the taco fixings on top of the Doritos and you eat it with a fork. Yes, the way to my heart is tacos and chips. I love a good road trip with snacks. Perhaps I should look into being a travel food blogger. Dream jobs do exist.

Gran and I always spend so much time talking and it makes my heart so full. You have a way of making me forget my worries. Thank you Gran for always being my person. I am so lucky to have you.

On my drive home I got a text message from “Smalls” a girl I am convinced is just the smaller version of myself who reminded me she always has my back no matter how tall I am. Your text brought tears to my eyes and I hope you know how thankful I am for you and how much I love you girl!

I ended my day with the perfect cup of tea shared with my girlfriend Jes. Just like in the old days she and I shared a snack and a show. We have been watching this show now for years together. It that always brings us to tears and leaves us filled with hope. A show that reminds us change is always possible. You have to make the decision to change no one can change you! I need this episode. Thanks girl!

I know there will be bad days and some hard times but thank you ladies this wasn’t the Tuesday I planned but it turns out a change of plans was just what I needed.

There is nothing in this world that fills my heart up like being at the ocean does. From the first memory of collecting sand dollars and fun shells along the Pacific Ocean shore on a perfect sunny day with my grandma Davis. I still have the last sand dollar we found and every time I look at it I remember that wavy day, the sounds, the smiles on our faces, and how grandma could spend hours walking the shore getting lost in the beauty of the Ocean. Thanks for sharing your love with me.

Since that first glimpse of the wavy ocean, I have been obsessed to put it lightly. Nothing calms my soul and f fills my heart like the sea-salty air and the sound of the waves crashing upon the shore. I love the sound of waves its music for my soul. I get swept up in the soothing sound and I don’t want to leave. The endless amount of sand you can never quite get rid of. The wild wind-blown beach hair, the smells, the sun, the storms. I never want to leave the ocean. I have never had such a strong feeling to bring me to tears, the beauty of the ocean gets me every time. I am meant to sit upon the shore and write. The ocean is truly the place where I am happiest. I am blessed to have seen many beautiful things in this lifetime and I am working on ticking things off my must-see bucket list. If I never see another thing I am grateful for all the times I spend alongside the oceans.

I live in Ontario Canada and sadly I have no Ocean near where I live. I have to travel to the east or the west coasts to fulfill my salt addiction. I do however live steps away from the great lake Ontario and it’s also a very gorgeous body of water. My windows are usually open and I love nothing more than to hear the waves crashing onto the rocks. It’s not quite as soothing as waves washing on the sand yet it’s a sound I can’t seem to live without. I am beyond blessed and I love where I live.

I am a water sign, and it is true that they say I need water. I spent a lot of time down at the shore of Lake Ontario taking in the beauty and dreaming. The sun rises and the sunsets take my breath away no matter how many I witness them, that is a sight that always amazes me, the colors and the reflection on the lake. I do my best writing with a water view. I feel like my soul dries up when I am not near water. I instantly feel inspired and the need to write near water. The funniest part is I don’t enjoy getting into the water, it’s just the sight and senses when I am near. Water inspires and recharges me. I need water to fuel me.

Recently I got to experience the Atlantic Ocean from a place I had never even heard of before I went on a trip that lead to me Rehoboth Beach Delaware. I have such a full happy heart from that adventure of walking for miles along the Atlantic Ocean, a sight I haven’t seen in years and have never seen from the USA.

I am a Canadian born and raised. Anytime I can get time away from my job I immediately head to the west coast. Take me to the mountains and the Pacific Ocean.  I left my heart on Vancouver Island. I constantly dream of the view from Chesterman beach looking at Franks Island. I thought the view could never be topped. I stand corrected the east coast has a lot to offer I just needed a reminder.

Here to many more gorgeous wavy ocean days. The only ‘BS” I need in my life is beach and sunshine!

As I sit down to write at my desk in my home office, I see my son has written on my picture frame. I keep a picture frame on my desk to write positive quotes on. I have found this is something that helps motivate me to write. Something to remind me how grateful I am. 

My son loves to write on my picture frame and on the mirrors around the house as I do. I encourage him to have fun with this experience. He often draws beautiful pictures and writes encouraging words. I love this. He has written “be yourself” and drawn a big heart this time. He placed it right beside my keyboard so I can’t miss it. Upon my mirror in my room, he has written:” be great look great”. On the bathroom mirror, he has written how much he loves me. On my vision wall, he has drawn me and a flipbook of post-it notes that is to encourage me to write my book it says, “mom you can do it”. He often sneaks in and changes the sayings on my mirrors and adds sayings or drawings to my vision wall. I find them just when I need some encouraging words. I get lost staring at my vision wall. I get lost in my thoughts of all I have accomplished and my big bucket list of want-to-do items. He often adds just the right inspiration. He is my biggest cheerleader.  I often think how can I be so lucky to have this boy as my son?  Thanks, kiddo.

Be yourself is something I always tell my son. There is only one of you in the world. Stay true to what you want to do. Be in yourself everyone else is already taken. Don’t let anyone tell you what to do. Don’t let anyone dull your sparkle or get in your way. Dream big and do it.

I lived a better portion of my life for others. In living for other people I lost myself. Tasting death made me realize there is only one me and that life can be gone in the blink of an eye. After a long journey (many years) to find me today and every day I live for myself. I am pushing myself outside my comfort zone. I am doing things I never thought possible. Today I love my life. As I sit down to write like I do day after day week after week I am making my dreams come true. I am following my gut and heart and creating my best life. I want my son to grow up and do the same. I am setting an example that your dreams can be your reality and the journey along the way will be filled with laughter and love.

I do my best to make all his little kid dreams come true. He’s always down for a new adventure and I have lots planned for the gorgeous Canadian summer months ahead. Here’s to being you! There is only one you live your best life.

What’s your biggest dream?

 

 

 

 

This picture was painted by a girl I used to share a significant portion of my life with. We were best friends and our dogs were best friends. We shared a lot of great years filled with laughter and tears. We helped each other through some pretty tough times of life. We are no longer friends and it reminds me life is short. This picture currently hangs in the corgi corner of my house.

Some people play a massive role in our lives and stay for long portions and some people play essential roles and only stay for a little while. No matter how long and no matter how many chapters my life is I am thankful for everyone who has come and gone and who has made me the woman I am today. I am grateful for those around me, for those who have come, gone, and stayed, and for all the lessons learned along the way.

Life is short and it hit me hard these last few months. Turning forty almost did me in. I have cried every big number birthday thinking I failed at life but this one hit me upside the head so hard I almost didn’t get up! Not because I think I have failed. I found myself in my thirties. I learned to love in my thirties. I got the world’s best promotion to mom in my thirties. I am living my best life. I spent my fortieth birthday eating the best burger I have ever had a maple brie burger at a place my Opa loved. My first birthday without you was hard. I had lunch with Granny which lead me to tears. I kept crying and overthinking life, missing so many things. Oh goodness, I would have loved to have heard our server like this table is crying ordering more food, and crying. Forty I can say thanks to that burger and grannies wise words is one I will never soon forget. Gran reminds me regularly to live by the wise words Opa said all the time.

Do your best and if your best isn’t good enough fuck it, so I did a thing. I quit my job! Brace yourself this isn’t a nervous breakdown yet a journey to further self-discovery. For almost twelve years I have worked shift work at pretty much every front desk the hospital has. I have been there and done it all. I poured my heart into being great at my job, making people’s days just a little bit better however I could help. This is my time. I took the leap June 30th will be my last day. I am going to do a work-from-home gig. I know I can find a job I love working from the place I love. This has been my dream for a long time and so I did it. I am making my dreams my reality. I am living my best life. A life I love. Here’s to living out my dreams and crossing things off my bucket list. I vow to make my forties my favorite years.

What’s something you have always wanted to do?

When you google spirit animal this is what pops up: In certain spiritual traditions or cultures, spirit animal refers to a spirit which helps guide or protect a person on a journey and whose characteristics that person shares or embodies. It is also a metaphor, often humorous, for someone or something a person relates to or admires.

I can honestly say I met my spirit animal just the other morning while sitting out on my deck drinking my morning coffee, catching a ray of sunshine, and gazing out upon the lake. I was just about to crack open my latest book and read a couple of chapters before I got the day started. Nothing beats a little morning relaxation before a busy day ahead. For most of the summer months, you can find me on the deck reading, or out kayaking around the lake. I love where I live.

Now, normally I am not a fan of squirrels since moving to this house they have destroyed pretty much everything I have outside. I spent hundreds of dollars this past Christmas season on all new lights for outside the house and we lit them up the first night we were so happy but it was so late we forgot to take a picture little did we know it was the only night we would ever get to see the lights. Those little buggers chewed every blub off the string. It was like a scene out of a horror movie the next night I plug the lights in nothing. I went out on a freezing cold night to look and found tons of chew marks. Now I know I didn’t chew them, and neither did my son or our two suspicious-looking pets.  I’m was a little frustrated but I fixed the lights up with my finest duct tape. I was proud that my home fix-it job had part of the string of lights working. For a moment I was feeling victorious but then I kept going and notice all across the house there are wires everywhere lights all over dropped and broken in the snow. They dropped pretty much every light right across the house down to the ground. I guess they looked like delicious candy-flavored acorns. I have had it with the squirrels they eat everything out of my garden, mess with my garbage and recycle. Nothing is safe outside. I have to admit I am not a fan. The squirrel struggle is real!

However, on this day my mind was changed I found a certain squirrel who I think just might be my spirit animal. I have never laughed so hard in my life. So there I was sitting outside having a zen-like moment with the sun warming me and a great cup of coffee fueling my soul when I crack open my book I tell myself a couple of chapters and then I need to go inside and be productive. I hear this weird noise and I think I wonder what that is. Kinda shrug it off thinking it’s probably just my neighbors out doing something. It becomes quiet for a second and then I hear this horrible noise again. I try my best to ignore it I just want to finish my book and my coffee. This noise is making me uncomfortable like nails on a chalkboard it’s loud and squeaky. Alright, I had to know what it was,  I get up and look over my deck to see this squirrel has stolen a plastic container from my recycle bin, dragged it to the other side of my lawn and is chewing his way through which it does in impressive time and proceeds to lick the leftover minos supreme cake I devoured the night before. If you don’t know what a minos supreme is I will attach a picture its this delightful dessert with mering-like layers with whip cream and chocolate. It’s my weakness in life and the reason I’ll never be a swimsuit model. This squirrel understood and was right in that container licking the side as I do. I didn’t leave em much and he/she left the container on my lawn so clean if it wasn’t chewed you could have put your leftovers right on in it.

Here all along I thought my spirit animal was a majestic unicorn, sweet loving dog, or a badass bird but no I have confirmed I would be a squirrel licking containers and living my best life in a ray of sunshine with a soft lake breeze blowing not a care in the world. I found my spirit animal.

Live your best life enjoy the sunshine and eat the cake!