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Last night I wrote a blog called “Jack of hearts” about my Tuesday plans, however, those plans fell through, and at 6 am I was sitting in front of my screen thinking well now what do I write about? I was thinking what will I do with my day? I have so many projects on the go. So much I want to do and yet today I didn’t want to do anything at all. I was feeling tired and uncharged.

When I stepped outside the sun was shining and it was going to be a gorgeous day. Perfect day for some good tunes and a drive. I decided to take the same drive I have been doing for most of my life. I headed to the farm to visit Gran.

I poured a cup off coffee and headed out. The first song that played off my random play list is a song that since my Opas passing keeps leaving me in tears. It’s hard enough driving to the farm I was hoping this song wouldn’t set the tone of the day.

I keep thinking I will open the door at the farm and hear the greeting my Opa used to say I miss so much. Instead, my tears quickly turned to laughter as Gran’s dog my best dog friend almost knocks me over with excitement. No one in this world greats me with such excitement. Dogs know, he knows I need that when I come to visit. I spend most of my visit playing, laughing, and cuddling this dog who thinks he is a lap dog but in reality, is a large breed dog. He gives great hugs!

I needed this day. The last couple of days I have had a heavy heart overthinking things from the past and worrying about the future that I forgot to take a breath and just enjoy today. I cant change the past and I cant predict the future I can just live each and every day and make them as amazing as I can. Today reminded me of this message.

Gran and I spent our day shopping, we enjoy a delightful lunch together with the best chai latte in Picton. Last week we dined at a local market in Wellington and she hooked me up with a taco stand I would highly recommend. Now I love a taco but these were Doritos bag tacos, yes you heard me. She took me to a guy who cuts open a bag of Doritos either Cool ranch or Nacho cheese and puts all the taco fixings on top of the Doritos and you eat it with a fork. Yes, the way to my heart is tacos and chips. I love a good road trip with snacks. Perhaps I should look into being a travel food blogger. Dream jobs do exist.

Gran and I always spend so much time talking and it makes my heart so full. You have a way of making me forget my worries. Thank you Gran for always being my person. I am so lucky to have you.

On my drive home I got a text message from “Smalls” a girl I am convinced is just the smaller version of myself who reminded me she always has my back no matter how tall I am. Your text brought tears to my eyes and I hope you know how thankful I am for you and how much I love you girl!

I ended my day with the perfect cup of tea shared with my girlfriend Jes. Just like in the old days she and I shared a snack and a show. We have been watching this show now for years together. It that always brings us to tears and leaves us filled with hope. A show that reminds us change is always possible. You have to make the decision to change no one can change you! I need this episode. Thanks girl!

I know there will be bad days and some hard times but thank you ladies this wasn’t the Tuesday I planned but it turns out a change of plans was just what I needed.

There is nothing in this world that fills my heart up like being at the ocean does. From the first memory of collecting sand dollars and fun shells along the Pacific Ocean shore on a perfect sunny day with my grandma Davis. I still have the last sand dollar we found and every time I look at it I remember that wavy day, the sounds, the smiles on our faces, and how grandma could spend hours walking the shore getting lost in the beauty of the Ocean. Thanks for sharing your love with me.

Since that first glimpse of the wavy ocean, I have been obsessed to put it lightly. Nothing calms my soul and f fills my heart like the sea-salty air and the sound of the waves crashing upon the shore. I love the sound of waves its music for my soul. I get swept up in the soothing sound and I don’t want to leave. The endless amount of sand you can never quite get rid of. The wild wind-blown beach hair, the smells, the sun, the storms. I never want to leave the ocean. I have never had such a strong feeling to bring me to tears, the beauty of the ocean gets me every time. I am meant to sit upon the shore and write. The ocean is truly the place where I am happiest. I am blessed to have seen many beautiful things in this lifetime and I am working on ticking things off my must-see bucket list. If I never see another thing I am grateful for all the times I spend alongside the oceans.

I live in Ontario Canada and sadly I have no Ocean near where I live. I have to travel to the east or the west coasts to fulfill my salt addiction. I do however live steps away from the great lake Ontario and it’s also a very gorgeous body of water. My windows are usually open and I love nothing more than to hear the waves crashing onto the rocks. It’s not quite as soothing as waves washing on the sand yet it’s a sound I can’t seem to live without. I am beyond blessed and I love where I live.

I am a water sign, and it is true that they say I need water. I spent a lot of time down at the shore of Lake Ontario taking in the beauty and dreaming. The sun rises and the sunsets take my breath away no matter how many I witness them, that is a sight that always amazes me, the colors and the reflection on the lake. I do my best writing with a water view. I feel like my soul dries up when I am not near water. I instantly feel inspired and the need to write near water. The funniest part is I don’t enjoy getting into the water, it’s just the sight and senses when I am near. Water inspires and recharges me. I need water to fuel me.

Recently I got to experience the Atlantic Ocean from a place I had never even heard of before I went on a trip that lead to me Rehoboth Beach Delaware. I have such a full happy heart from that adventure of walking for miles along the Atlantic Ocean, a sight I haven’t seen in years and have never seen from the USA.

I am a Canadian born and raised. Anytime I can get time away from my job I immediately head to the west coast. Take me to the mountains and the Pacific Ocean.  I left my heart on Vancouver Island. I constantly dream of the view from Chesterman beach looking at Franks Island. I thought the view could never be topped. I stand corrected the east coast has a lot to offer I just needed a reminder.

Here to many more gorgeous wavy ocean days. The only ‘BS” I need in my life is beach and sunshine!

As I sit down to write at my desk in my home office, I see my son has written on my picture frame. I keep a picture frame on my desk to write positive quotes on. I have found this is something that helps motivate me to write. Something to remind me how grateful I am. 

My son loves to write on my picture frame and on the mirrors around the house as I do. I encourage him to have fun with this experience. He often draws beautiful pictures and writes encouraging words. I love this. He has written “be yourself” and drawn a big heart this time. He placed it right beside my keyboard so I can’t miss it. Upon my mirror in my room, he has written:” be great look great”. On the bathroom mirror, he has written how much he loves me. On my vision wall, he has drawn me and a flipbook of post-it notes that is to encourage me to write my book it says, “mom you can do it”. He often sneaks in and changes the sayings on my mirrors and adds sayings or drawings to my vision wall. I find them just when I need some encouraging words. I get lost staring at my vision wall. I get lost in my thoughts of all I have accomplished and my big bucket list of want-to-do items. He often adds just the right inspiration. He is my biggest cheerleader.  I often think how can I be so lucky to have this boy as my son?  Thanks, kiddo.

Be yourself is something I always tell my son. There is only one of you in the world. Stay true to what you want to do. Be in yourself everyone else is already taken. Don’t let anyone tell you what to do. Don’t let anyone dull your sparkle or get in your way. Dream big and do it.

I lived a better portion of my life for others. In living for other people I lost myself. Tasting death made me realize there is only one me and that life can be gone in the blink of an eye. After a long journey (many years) to find me today and every day I live for myself. I am pushing myself outside my comfort zone. I am doing things I never thought possible. Today I love my life. As I sit down to write like I do day after day week after week I am making my dreams come true. I am following my gut and heart and creating my best life. I want my son to grow up and do the same. I am setting an example that your dreams can be your reality and the journey along the way will be filled with laughter and love.

I do my best to make all his little kid dreams come true. He’s always down for a new adventure and I have lots planned for the gorgeous Canadian summer months ahead. Here’s to being you! There is only one you live your best life.

What’s your biggest dream?

 

 

 

 

This picture was painted by a girl I used to share a significant portion of my life with. We were best friends and our dogs were best friends. We shared a lot of great years filled with laughter and tears. We helped each other through some pretty tough times of life. We are no longer friends and it reminds me life is short. This picture currently hangs in the corgi corner of my house.

Some people play a massive role in our lives and stay for long portions and some people play essential roles and only stay for a little while. No matter how long and no matter how many chapters my life is I am thankful for everyone who has come and gone and who has made me the woman I am today. I am grateful for those around me, for those who have come, gone, and stayed, and for all the lessons learned along the way.

Life is short and it hit me hard these last few months. Turning forty almost did me in. I have cried every big number birthday thinking I failed at life but this one hit me upside the head so hard I almost didn’t get up! Not because I think I have failed. I found myself in my thirties. I learned to love in my thirties. I got the world’s best promotion to mom in my thirties. I am living my best life. I spent my fortieth birthday eating the best burger I have ever had a maple brie burger at a place my Opa loved. My first birthday without you was hard. I had lunch with Granny which lead me to tears. I kept crying and overthinking life, missing so many things. Oh goodness, I would have loved to have heard our server like this table is crying ordering more food, and crying. Forty I can say thanks to that burger and grannies wise words is one I will never soon forget. Gran reminds me regularly to live by the wise words Opa said all the time.

Do your best and if your best isn’t good enough fuck it, so I did a thing. I quit my job! Brace yourself this isn’t a nervous breakdown yet a journey to further self-discovery. For almost twelve years I have worked shift work at pretty much every front desk the hospital has. I have been there and done it all. I poured my heart into being great at my job, making people’s days just a little bit better however I could help. This is my time. I took the leap June 30th will be my last day. I am going to do a work-from-home gig. I know I can find a job I love working from the place I love. This has been my dream for a long time and so I did it. I am making my dreams my reality. I am living my best life. A life I love. Here’s to living out my dreams and crossing things off my bucket list. I vow to make my forties my favorite years.

What’s something you have always wanted to do?

When you google spirit animal this is what pops up: In certain spiritual traditions or cultures, spirit animal refers to a spirit which helps guide or protect a person on a journey and whose characteristics that person shares or embodies. It is also a metaphor, often humorous, for someone or something a person relates to or admires.

I can honestly say I met my spirit animal just the other morning while sitting out on my deck drinking my morning coffee, catching a ray of sunshine, and gazing out upon the lake. I was just about to crack open my latest book and read a couple of chapters before I got the day started. Nothing beats a little morning relaxation before a busy day ahead. For most of the summer months, you can find me on the deck reading, or out kayaking around the lake. I love where I live.

Now, normally I am not a fan of squirrels since moving to this house they have destroyed pretty much everything I have outside. I spent hundreds of dollars this past Christmas season on all new lights for outside the house and we lit them up the first night we were so happy but it was so late we forgot to take a picture little did we know it was the only night we would ever get to see the lights. Those little buggers chewed every blub off the string. It was like a scene out of a horror movie the next night I plug the lights in nothing. I went out on a freezing cold night to look and found tons of chew marks. Now I know I didn’t chew them, and neither did my son or our two suspicious-looking pets.  I’m was a little frustrated but I fixed the lights up with my finest duct tape. I was proud that my home fix-it job had part of the string of lights working. For a moment I was feeling victorious but then I kept going and notice all across the house there are wires everywhere lights all over dropped and broken in the snow. They dropped pretty much every light right across the house down to the ground. I guess they looked like delicious candy-flavored acorns. I have had it with the squirrels they eat everything out of my garden, mess with my garbage and recycle. Nothing is safe outside. I have to admit I am not a fan. The squirrel struggle is real!

However, on this day my mind was changed I found a certain squirrel who I think just might be my spirit animal. I have never laughed so hard in my life. So there I was sitting outside having a zen-like moment with the sun warming me and a great cup of coffee fueling my soul when I crack open my book I tell myself a couple of chapters and then I need to go inside and be productive. I hear this weird noise and I think I wonder what that is. Kinda shrug it off thinking it’s probably just my neighbors out doing something. It becomes quiet for a second and then I hear this horrible noise again. I try my best to ignore it I just want to finish my book and my coffee. This noise is making me uncomfortable like nails on a chalkboard it’s loud and squeaky. Alright, I had to know what it was,  I get up and look over my deck to see this squirrel has stolen a plastic container from my recycle bin, dragged it to the other side of my lawn and is chewing his way through which it does in impressive time and proceeds to lick the leftover minos supreme cake I devoured the night before. If you don’t know what a minos supreme is I will attach a picture its this delightful dessert with mering-like layers with whip cream and chocolate. It’s my weakness in life and the reason I’ll never be a swimsuit model. This squirrel understood and was right in that container licking the side as I do. I didn’t leave em much and he/she left the container on my lawn so clean if it wasn’t chewed you could have put your leftovers right on in it.

Here all along I thought my spirit animal was a majestic unicorn, sweet loving dog, or a badass bird but no I have confirmed I would be a squirrel licking containers and living my best life in a ray of sunshine with a soft lake breeze blowing not a care in the world. I found my spirit animal.

Live your best life enjoy the sunshine and eat the cake!

 

The sun is shining on this lovely spring day and my corgi dog Kelso thinks it’s a perfect time for a swim. She is part fish and cannot be kept out of the lake. We live close to lake Ontario and she loves this location. She can not be trusted if the door is open for a second too long you can watch her fluffy butt as it runs down the road past a couple of other houses and right into the lake, happy as can be with a huge corgi smile. She demands to be walked and to play fetch in the lake. Yes, she actually demands she will come right over and bark in your face, she continues to be the most annoying dog until she gets what she wants. As soon as the ice recedes she jumps right in. She will be wet and smelly from now till mid-winter.

Kelso is 10 years in human years and 70 in dog years, you wouldn’t know it though she acts like a wild puppy when it’s time for a walk or to play fetch. She takes both events very seriously. Walks and swims are her life. She came to us two years ago and it’s been the most challenging two years trying to merge our lives together. I try to make some part of her day happy. If you say the word walk you must take her she bites to get her point across. She has the biggest boldest old lady personality for a dog only eight inches off the ground. She knows what she likes and dislikes and you cannot change her mind. She is a senior set in her ways who won’t be changing anytime soon.

She makes human friends easily she wants to meet everyone. Loves kids she always licks them right on the face. She is obsessed with my dad since staying with him while I traveled she now finds ways out of her yard and does her best to remember the roads he drove her to. She has run away several times. I found out papa gives her a treat for everything she does. I swear she came back five pounds heavier. She is sad after being at Papa’s she just wants to go back. If papa visits and doesn’t take her she becomes the world’s most dramatic and sad huffing and puffing dog. I don’t know how he resists her cute look.

Kelso, however, does not want to make dog friends in two years she’s bit every dog she’s met except for one mastiff cross sweet old lady dog the same age the one dog I can walk with her. Miley thanks for being Kelso’s only friend. It’s true everyone has a best friend you just gotta bit a few before you find the right one apparently.

I promised this old lady the best retirement I could give her and so now we walk for many kilometers each and every day sucking up the sunshine. I also need these walks to gather my thoughts and it helps with my mental health and getting my steps in.  Kelso keeps me laughing every day. You do however have to laugh quietly because she barks at loud noises. She demands silence. Truth be told this bossy corgi runs my life and makes me miss my Charleston corgi dog so much more when I look at her and it’s the girl version looking back I have to laugh. He’s gotta be laughing watching the chaos of the last couple of years. I’m not sure I know how to navigate life without a bossy Corgi it’s been 10 years of them running my life. I am thankful for the eight paws that have left a huge print on my heart.

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, I am aware I have written a previous blog about letting go; however, this topic comes up for me a lot. We all like to hang onto things and carry them around for much longer than needed. Letting go isn’t an easy thing to do. I personally struggled to let go of so much. I struggled to open up my life to admit I am not perfect. I am using my struggles, my failures, and my lessons learned to inspire others. It’s okay to talk about these things. 

The top two pieces of advice I always give people is that communication is key. You can’t change anything without communication. You can’t change yourself without talking to yourself. You can’t end a disagreement by not saying anything at all. Now don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean showing up at a disagreement ready to fight. Communication should be calm. If you cannot remain calm take some time and calm down. No one can read your mind. No one can figure you out if you don’t talk about it. Nothing can be fixed if you don’t open up and use your words. Kind composed words. 

The second is always let that shit go. You can’t forever be carrying your shit around with you, it gets heavy. It causes us unwanted stress and it causes us to be unwell. You must let go, free yourself, and move forward. 

Why am I sharing this information with you? I am sharing this information with you because believe it or not I was once a horrible communicator and I held onto things for way longer than I needed. By horrible communicator I mean I either didn’t talk about it or I blew up in anger and yelled. Sure, it made me feel great in the moment but overall, it made me depressed and overthink how I reacted. I spent a lot of time saying sorry after the fact instead of using kind composed words. There is no need for cruel or hateful words. Choose your words wisely, you cannot take them back.

I grew up with two vastly unique styles of parents. Nothing against my parents, we all just do the best we can and hope it’s enough for our children. Life doesn’t come with a how-to manual! No judgment. I fully admit I struggled with communicating with my son calmly. I was a loud-voiced yeller. This kid knows how to push my buttons. This mini version of me can be downright annoying! I admit we struggled, and I ended up reaching out for some help. Asking for help felt like I failed as a parent. I didn’t want it to just be my son who worked on things. I also knew I needed to change. We signed up for a program to help us both and our relationship has never been better. Something we both didn’t want to do at first became one of the best experiences we had. We met some utterly amazing people throughout our journey. This program we did I have recommended to many other people. We went in with an open mind and were impressed by the progress and help we received. 

Sometimes we all need a little help. I am not perfect. I am always learning how to be a better communicator. I am always learning how to be my best self. Asking for help shouldn’t be viewed as a failure, it should be viewed to empower yourself.  Make today and each day you are given as memorable as you can. Life is too short to hold onto things we no longer need. Let that shit go! 

 

 

 

I would say Pinterest, YouTube, and my stubbornness is the root cause for all of the  DIY projects I take on. I always think that doesn’t look too hard I could do that. Why would I pay someone else to do something I can do?  I am always learning new skills. I like to do things myself. I enjoy a challenge. During every COVID lockdown, I was motivated to paint something in my house. To take on a new project. To be clear I wasn’t fully locked down. I still had a job to report to. I absolutely freaking love to paint. I have repainted my house a few times over. Fresh new paint makes me happy.

During the first official lockdown, you couldn’t get tinted paint for whatever reason so I painted every ceiling. I was doing my yoga and meditation one morning when I looked up and noticed a spot on the ceiling above me that spiraled and lead me to wander my whole house looking at the ceiling. I was convived they all needed a fresh coat of paint. Painting ceilings is easy for me because I am tall and can reach the ceiling. I have painted a ton of ceilings for people over the years. I always volunteer to help paint. I don’t know why but I find it soothing and so rewarding when it’s done. Zen-like moment to stare at the new paint.

During another lockdown, I decided all the trim surrounding my windows and doors every single one needed a new coat of paint. One coat never covers what you want it to so it quickly became two or three. I repainted every door. I laughed thinking of all my hard work and not one person noticed. I think it really made the new windows stand out. How simple things can make me so happy.

This last lockdown is when I went all out. When I moved here I repainted my kitchen however with zero knowledge I went about it all wrong. I didn’t do any type of research I just sapped the paint on over the old and hoped for the best. With time it slowly began to peel and reveal flaws. Staring at the cupboards coming apart has been driving me mad. I have covered up most cabinets with fun flamingo stickers to hide the flaws but I lose sleep over this project. I knew it had to be done. I have no idea why I thought a good time to start was in the middle of a cold Canadian winter. This has been dragging on for months. Now with spring having arrived, the windows are open and I am running 2 heat guns. The goal is to finish the paint stripping by the end of April. Then onto sanding. cleaning, priming, and painting. I have given myself a deadline and I am working hard to reach it. I cannot wait to see the final reveal. I am not expecting anyone to notice my hard work but I know I put it in and I will be proud.

The many hours I have spent paint stripping got me thinking a lot about how removing layers of paint, and relieving what’s under is a lot like a self-help journey.  When I decided I needed to change the way my life was. I didn’t just wake up slap on some new “paint” and declare myself a better person. I didn’t hold myself together with fun flamingo stickers. It took years to figure out what made me this version. Why was I so negative? So unhappy? Why did I attract the same sort of people into my life? What could I do differently? Like this renovation this time I have done a lot of research I want to ensure the paint is removed correctly and reapplied so it doesn’t come apart. Same with self-help I wanted to go on a journey of finding myself and having the changes stick. I wanted to become the best version of myself. I wanted to fall in love with myself and the life I created. I wanted to be proud of myself and all of my accomplishments. I wanted to celebrate this feeling and help people going forward in my journey. I will forever be a work in progress. I am forever learning and changing. I am doing what I love to do.

Self-help means you have to put yourself ahead of anyone else. I don’t mean this in any selfish way I simply mean if you don’t help yourself you cant help others. You need to take time and work on yourself. I spend some time each and every day for myself. I make myself a priority. I spent years creating the best version of myself. I am proud of all the hard work I accomplished and the changes I made. Today I am living my best life. I make time for myself. I am making changes to make each and every day the best I can. Make each day as comfortable as you can.  I create positive memories. I am doing my best.

 

Recently I had someone ask me this question: “If you could call one person here or passed who would it be?

I couldn’t even answer the question I had tears rolling down my cheek. I would give anything for one more conversation with my Opa. We talked every day and I knew it would hurt when he was gone. I never knew it would hurt this much. My days feel like they are filled with silence. Your presence is missed.  Opa always made some part of my day just a little better with his sassy phone call. He called it the senior check-up. I don’t know who looked forward to the call more him or me. I miss this part of my everyday life. I feel lost without your calls. You had a way of making every day so much better. You always said make the day as comfortable as you can. I miss hearing your voice. Thank you for years worth of calls and memories.

Today Tuesday, April 5th would have been Opa’s 88th birthday. Today my family gathers to have cake in his honour. Opa loved birthdays, he never missed a birthday. His face always lit up with a feeling that he was surprised that he got a cake. Like we would ever have a birthday without cake. I freaking love cake! His birthday was a day he wanted his whole family together. He loved to have us all close. No matter what was going on you always put it behind you and enjoyed his day. You drank the strong farmer’s coffee and ate the delicious german cake.

I know this birthday won’t ever be the same without him. I will celebrate every April the 5th for as long as I live. It will forever be a day I remember and honour a man I was lucky enough to have for all these years as the world’s best Opa. My life wouldn’t be half as amazing as it is without all his love, wisdom, sass, advice, help, and support.

Happy Birthday, Opa! I miss you tons. Love you lots.

 

 

Is anyone else itching for spring?

Does anyone else love spring cleaning?

Do you ever look around and think where did all this stuff come from?

I bought our house five almost six years ago. Moving from an apartment to this house I was surprised at how much stuff we had.  It seemed to quickly fill our house up. The number of things that have come and gone for my son with age and ever-changing tastes. The memories we have had in this house. The many times I have changed the decore. The great flood that changed our lives.

I grew up in a family of collectors. I found myself collecting things that have brought me joy. Everywhere you look you can find a corgi or a flamingo in my house. I have sentimental things from those who have passed. My walls are filled with pictures. I enjoy sharing these memories with others.

My book collection is something else that has always brought me such joy but what do you do when you’re done reading a book? They sit upon my bookshelf and collect layers of dust. I would like to share some of my favourite books with others. This is where the little community library on my lawn came from. Inspired by a vision and built with love. I always have something to read. I enjoy seeing the smiles on people who stop by and find a great book. Take a book and enjoy! Thanks for leaving a book so I always have something to read.

Another thing I own a lot of is clothes. I am one person. I have always had a struggle finding clothes that fit me. My Oma (grandmother) and my mom used to make my clothes. Being a tall child in the ’80s left my options limited. As you can imagine I had a bold flower print collection of home-sewn clothing. Thankfully today they make tall clothing shops. I admit when I find something that fits and I love it while I buy lots of it. I am one person I can only wear so much. My walk-in closet is crying for space. I have started downsizing and donating my clothes and my never-ending collection of shoes. I know someone in need with appreciate my 38 inseam pants and size 10 footwear collection.

I like to be organized and have less clutter. In 2022 I am trying to keep the things that are important to me with me but the things that are just “stuff” let go. If it’s just taking up space and it’s not filling a purpose why do we have it?

The same can be said about our thoughts. We hold onto a lot of “stuff” thoughts that don’t bring us any joy or serve any purpose. Why do we hold onto them if they have no purpose in moving our lives forward? I like to let both physical things, as well as mental things, go. Release what you no longer need. Let that stuff go!

Clean your mind, clear your stuff, get organized and kick some butt! That’s the spring cleaning vibe I am setting for 2022.  Join me in letting go of your “stuff” whatever that might be. Spring into the life you want. Less stuff more space for great memories.