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Recently I had someone ask me this question: “If you could call one person here or passed who would it be?

I couldn’t even answer the question I had tears rolling down my cheek. I would give anything for one more conversation with my Opa. We talked every day and I knew it would hurt when he was gone. I never knew it would hurt this much. My days feel like they are filled with silence. Your presence is missed.  Opa always made some part of my day just a little better with his sassy phone call. He called it the senior check-up. I don’t know who looked forward to the call more him or me. I miss this part of my everyday life. I feel lost without your calls. You had a way of making every day so much better. You always said make the day as comfortable as you can. I miss hearing your voice. Thank you for years worth of calls and memories.

Today Tuesday, April 5th would have been Opa’s 88th birthday. Today my family gathers to have cake in his honour. Opa loved birthdays, he never missed a birthday. His face always lit up with a feeling that he was surprised that he got a cake. Like we would ever have a birthday without cake. I freaking love cake! His birthday was a day he wanted his whole family together. He loved to have us all close. No matter what was going on you always put it behind you and enjoyed his day. You drank the strong farmer’s coffee and ate the delicious german cake.

I know this birthday won’t ever be the same without him. I will celebrate every April the 5th for as long as I live. It will forever be a day I remember and honour a man I was lucky enough to have for all these years as the world’s best Opa. My life wouldn’t be half as amazing as it is without all his love, wisdom, sass, advice, help, and support.

Happy Birthday, Opa! I miss you tons. Love you lots.

 

 

Is anyone else itching for spring?

Does anyone else love spring cleaning?

Do you ever look around and think where did all this stuff come from?

I bought our house five almost six years ago. Moving from an apartment to this house I was surprised at how much stuff we had.  It seemed to quickly fill our house up. The number of things that have come and gone for my son with age and ever-changing tastes. The memories we have had in this house. The many times I have changed the decore. The great flood that changed our lives.

I grew up in a family of collectors. I found myself collecting things that have brought me joy. Everywhere you look you can find a corgi or a flamingo in my house. I have sentimental things from those who have passed. My walls are filled with pictures. I enjoy sharing these memories with others.

My book collection is something else that has always brought me such joy but what do you do when you’re done reading a book? They sit upon my bookshelf and collect layers of dust. I would like to share some of my favourite books with others. This is where the little community library on my lawn came from. Inspired by a vision and built with love. I always have something to read. I enjoy seeing the smiles on people who stop by and find a great book. Take a book and enjoy! Thanks for leaving a book so I always have something to read.

Another thing I own a lot of is clothes. I am one person. I have always had a struggle finding clothes that fit me. My Oma (grandmother) and my mom used to make my clothes. Being a tall child in the ’80s left my options limited. As you can imagine I had a bold flower print collection of home-sewn clothing. Thankfully today they make tall clothing shops. I admit when I find something that fits and I love it while I buy lots of it. I am one person I can only wear so much. My walk-in closet is crying for space. I have started downsizing and donating my clothes and my never-ending collection of shoes. I know someone in need with appreciate my 38 inseam pants and size 10 footwear collection.

I like to be organized and have less clutter. In 2022 I am trying to keep the things that are important to me with me but the things that are just “stuff” let go. If it’s just taking up space and it’s not filling a purpose why do we have it?

The same can be said about our thoughts. We hold onto a lot of “stuff” thoughts that don’t bring us any joy or serve any purpose. Why do we hold onto them if they have no purpose in moving our lives forward? I like to let both physical things, as well as mental things, go. Release what you no longer need. Let that stuff go!

Clean your mind, clear your stuff, get organized and kick some butt! That’s the spring cleaning vibe I am setting for 2022.  Join me in letting go of your “stuff” whatever that might be. Spring into the life you want. Less stuff more space for great memories.

 

If I had to pick a word I needed today, this week, this month,  and generally, in my life, it would be the word strength. To have the ability to be both mentally and physically strong is where I am always striving to be. I am always working on my personal strength.

Maintaining my strength is a huge part of my everyday life. It is something I focus a great deal of my time towards.

Physically I have always worked on being in the best shape I can be while still enjoying the things I love. Let’s be honest, I will never give up eating cake! In order to balance my love of snacks, I have to keep my body moving.

I have always loved to run. Running helps clear my mind, challenges my body, and leaves me feeling recharged. After a run, I feel like I can do anything. It’s a great sense of accomplishment to make it to the end of a run.  I make time to run because it’s important to both my physical and mental strength. If something is important to you make time to enjoy it. Make time for yourself.

I run indoors on an elliptical due to my injuries and pain level tolerance. I am working towards the ability to run outdoors on a scenic path. I need to be outside. I want to feel the sun upon my face. I am grateful for the bossy corgi dog Kelso and her never-ending demands to be walked. Walking gets me outdoors, clears my mind, and reminds me of the many things I am grateful for. It’s also where I do most of my podcast listening.

Yoga is another great strength builder and has amazing physio benefits that help my injuries. Yoga has helped me work on my back, leg, and pelvic floor injuries. I know I am strong because I find ways to work around my injuries. Don’t let anything stop you from doing something you love to do. There is always a way to make it work. Find that way. I am determined to heal my injuries and always move forward. I use my mental strength and positive thoughts to move my physical journey forward. I show up and I complete my goals. I believe in myself. I always have a goal to work towards.

What’s my current physical goal? This might sound silly but I have never been able to do a push-up. I want to be physically strong enough to rip them out like nothing. I am taking weights, and full-body strength classes to work towards this goal. I know I will accomplish this goal with a huge smile on my face.

Mental strength is something I also work on every day. It was a hard realization in my life to know I was mentally weak. I had nothing but negative thoughts and this inability to cope. If things got tough I gave up, I shut down, and I didn’t communicate. I thought that’s how you kept from being hurt. I was never taught how to be mentally strong. I let things tear me down. I found it hard to discover and maintain mental strength. A huge part of this came when I shifted the way I think and the way I communicate. I first learned how to communicate positively and effectively. I no longer react from a place of anger. I know that I don’t have to react to everything. I can take as much time as I need to process and react. I sometimes need time to collect my thoughts and process my feelings. I am very aware that I do not want to say hurtful things. I want the things I say and write to fill others with positivity and a sense if I can do it you can too.

Meditation has played a huge part in my mental strength. Meditation allows me a few minutes to myself to reflect on anything I am feeling. Mental strength is having the skills needed to cope in a kind manner. Remember what you say and do deeply affects how others feel. In a world where you can be anything, please choose to be kind.

Strength comes from within. Discover your strength and become unstoppable.

I have great strength to accomplish my goals.

 

 

 

 

Lately, I have been writing and trying to organize what information goes into the chapters for my book to be. I write when the thought comes to me and try to organize it after. This is causing me a bit of a headache. I don’t know how to write a book so it’s giving me a bit of a headache. It’s taking longer than I thought but I am not giving up!

I am an avid reader, currently winning my book reading challenge. I have my Oma (grandmother) to thank for my love of reading. We didn’t always get along but we always bonded over books. She always passed on such great books some of which I am re-reading years later and falling in love with all over again. No greater feeling than to have a good book sitting in the sunshine getting lost in a story forgetting all about the day. Dreaming of how the book plays out. I love that feeling.

I love that my son is now reading chapter books. He reads to me so proudly and I can’t wipe the smile off my face. I can see the love of reading in his eyes. We sat on the couch today (Monday) home from a snow day reading and sharing what our books are about. I hope this love of books never fades.

I am on a mission to find him the books that at his age changed my life. Choose your own adventure books. Does anyone else remember these gems? You could be reading along and then bam a decision was presented on how you wanted the book to go and whatever you chose you had to skip to that page and see if you made the right decision. It was a challenge to make it to the end of the book. These books made me reflect on life. These books were like real-life every day you make decisions big or little that could change your life. Would you choose differently if you could skip ahead and see how it ended? Or would you want to go back and do something differently?

I think life is made up of many chapters in our book of life. Some people or characters come and stay for a little bit, some pass in and out, some stay for many chapters. Each and everyone we meet helps us choose our next adventures. I am thankful for the people I have had in my life and the people currently in my life. I have been on some great adventures. Some good some not so good. Some great people some not so great people. Every person has taught me some great lessons. I didn’t always understand them at the time but I trust the process of life and where it is taking me. I know I am here to have great adventures. I keep choosing to take adventures.

I wouldn’t change any of the choices I have made as they have landed me where I am today. I am the best version of myself and I love my life. I am always changing and forever trying new things. I keep the chapters interesting you could say. I am doing my best and if my best isn’t good enough Fuck It. This was my Opa (grandfather’s) motto and it got me to where I am in life today. He was a huge part of my life and made many chapters filled with memories and adventures.

What does the next chapter of life look like for you?

Remember you are in charge of writing your book and choosing your adventures. Make this life the best life you can.

 

Have you ever found that perfect tea or coffee mug? The one that has a picture or a quote that just captures perfectly how you’re feeling? Have you ever found that friend that just gets you? I am lucky that I have a collection of mugs and friends that get me. This blog is the story of tea time with my friend Jes. Today on this Tuesday she is having surgery so I am sending her all the positive thoughts and loving vibes. You got this girl. This marks the first day of March. Wednesday the second day of March is her birthday. One she will never forget. This is how this wonderful lady and I became best-teas.

The year was 2009 and I was working as an assistant manager of a clothing store. Truth be told I hated this job with a passion. I never wanted to be stuck in a dead-end job yet here I was struggling to make ends meet, just one of my many failures. I was wearing clothes that I hated and supporting a brand I didn’t care about. My heart wasn’t in it. I do believe that things do happen for a reason. The reason I feel like I was at this job was to inspire the younger gals working there to get real jobs. I told them to go to school and become someone or do something. I was enrolled in online college while working there which I completed and I use this degree at my current job. My current job allows me to help and inspire people and my heart is in it. What a change a job can make in our lives. Jes made a job change that year as well.

During this retail job, time is when I met Jes. She is a fiery girl who has always known what she wanted.  Jes is that kinda person you are drawn to. She is easy to talk to and will always put a smile on your face.  She doesn’t filter it and tells it like it is. She has become one of my very best friends. She is the friend I immediately wanna call when I am happy or when I am sad. I know she is always going to answer right away and say “Hello, my tallest friend”. Over the years we have shared both happy and sad tears together over tea. I cannot thank this girl enough for always being herself. You have the biggest heart out of everyone I know. You make the perfect cup of tea.

A couple of years ago we actually stopped being friends. We just recently re-connected. Things work out for a reason. This is when I realized just because someone doesn’t do something exactly the way I would have or would have wanted doesn’t mean they didn’t do the best they could.  Truth be told I came home from a vacation totally pissed off at someone else and I took it out on some of those closest to me. I regret the way I handled the situation. Never react from a place of anger. I have since found healthier ways to communicate my anger. I am always a work in progress.

Truth be told I missed this girl when she wasn’t a part of my life. She brings light and an aura of joy I have never found in anyone else. I am so very thankful when I reached out and apologized for my wrongdoings she accepted. I believe forgiveness is the best form of love. It takes a strong person to say sorry and an even stronger person to forgive. Thank you for accepting my apology and being my friend. Here’s too many more tea times and talks.  I cherish my tea time with you friend. Cheers to finding the perfect cup of tea paired with the perfect friend. Love you, long time girl!

 

 

I knew our time would come to an end one day, but no matter how much time we had, it would never be enough. I knew it would be hard but I didn’t know it would be this hard.

I am grateful you shared almost forty years with me. You accomplished so much in your 87 almost 88 years. You touched the lives of so many people. You weren’t just my Opa you were my very best friend. My daily phone call. You gave me the best advice and you never gave up on me. You always rooted me on no matter how crazy my plans were. You taught me what it was to have a close-knit family. You loved us like no other. I am trying to dry up my tears and honour your memories but it’s hard. I miss you so very much.

I spent two beautiful days with you before you passed and I will forever be grateful for those memories. I needed a long goodbye. You shared so many stories and so much love. We share a lifetime of memories that I will forever cherish.

I would give anything to hear you laugh just one more time, you truly had the best laugh. I pick up the phone and I so badly want to call you. The days aren’t the same without your calls.

You shared with me your life motto of “Do your best and if your best isn’t good enough fuck it” I will forever live by these words and share your message.

Your determination was next level. When you set out to do something you accomplished it. For 33 years you were a huge part of the AA family you stayed sober by the help of AA for 33 years. We did a zoom meeting together just the night before you passed. You were dedicated and will be missed by so many people from that community alone. Then add in family, friends and all the people from your building days. You touched so many peoples lives you are an inspiration.

Thank you for giving me the best farming childhood. For allowing me to have all the pets to fill my heart. For always making me feel like I was special. For always loving me. I miss you like crazy and love you beyond words. Until we meet again.

 

https://www.rushnellfamilyservices.com/memorials/erich-huebner/4856106/index.php

February is the month of love. Happy early Valentine’s day!

Thank you to each and every one of you who stop by to read my blog. Thank you for reaching out and sending me some love. I love all the messages coming in. This journey has been so much fun. Thank you for joining me on this journey.

I will admit I am not a huge fan of Valentine’s day but I am a huge fan of love. I think you should appreciate and show love every day. Celebrate those you love at every given opportunity. The world needs more love.

Love is something I used to struggle a great deal with. l I didn’t realize this until I set out on a journey to discover myself. The biggest piece that was missing in my life was that love starts within you, with self-love. You cannot love anyone else until you love yourself.

Along my way in life I had gotten lost, completely lost. I fell into years of darkness. I had no love for myself or anyone else. I didn’t love myself and so I ended up in these less than ideal challenging relationships. I was searching for love in all the wrong places.  I knew I no longer wanted this to be the next chapter of my life. I knew I had some issues that I needed to face.  I set out to do some hard work. This is the hardest work I have done and the change didn’t come fast or easy.  Discovering that you have no love is a hard place to be. This messed with my head. I did a lot of emotional work. I cried so many tears. I am glad I did it though. I am proud of myself. I learned to be a better communicator first with myself. I learned a love language of positivity and I fell in love with myself. I will always be thankful during this hard journey I had my heart dog Charles who without ever saying a word taught me what it is like to feel unconditional love.  I went from no love at all to completely filled with love. I love myself.

I strive every day to tell and show my son how much I love him. I am a single parent and I want him to look back and know he was loved more than anything. We say I love you so much it’s probably annoying to watch.  We work on showing each other love each and every day. I have never felt a love so strong as the love of being a parent. You make my heart so full and so proud. I am so lucky and blessed that you are my son.

My family and friends, I send so much love each and every day. I would be lost without my crew of people. They always support me and root me on from the sidelines. I am so grateful when I think of how many people I love and how many people love me. I have such a huge smile on my face. I could spend days typing out so many thank you and I love you messages.

In my darkness, I wasted so many years unable to see all the love right in front of me and all the love the world had for me.  I was unable to express love. Start with self-love and watch your love grow. Fall in love with yourself and watch your relationships change. The way you love and communicate with yourself sets the tone for the way you love and communicate with others. Find that personal love language.

If you are struggling know you are not alone and if you need to chat my phone is always on.

 

 

I am a pretty ordinary woman whose choices have led me down an extraordinary life path.

I do not think I am better than you because of the journey I am on, everyone has a journey, Everyone has a story. Each of our journeys is unique it is what makes us who we are.

There is only one me. I am now aware of my fears and failures. I am now aware of my accomplishments and positivity in my life. I am able now to talk about my darkness. The darkness that at one point consumed my whole life and almost ended my life. I am not embarrassed to talk about any part of my life.  If you ask me a question you will always get an honest answer. I am not here to please anyone. I am aware that I am not for everyone. I am aware I don’t have to like everyone I meet and they don’t have to like me. I am doing the best I can in sharing my story to show we are all capable of change. I want others to know no matter where you feel stuck in life there is always someone who can help. Keep moving, keep working and keep dreaming. You are never alone. Help is always available. Reach out if you need help. If I can’t help you I am happy to help you find the help you need. Networking is an important part of life.

I wish when I was stuck in the darkest parts of my life that I knew what a life coach was. I didn’t find my life coach network of friends until I started to surround myself with positive people. Positive people keep me inspired. Surround yourself with positive people and i guarantee your life will change. I also surrounded myself with amazing pets. Let’s be serious I don’t know how to live life without a pet. My dog is my constant companion. She keeps my life filled with purpose. She demands a walk everyday. She keeps me moving forward. She reminds me without ever saying a word how much love is in my life. I am blessed. I am grateful.

I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose. I own up to the choices that I have made.  Did I always make the right choices? HECK NO!

Did I always do the right thing? NOPE!

I learned a lot of life’s lessons the harder way. I did however learn a great number of lessons and a lot about myself along the way. I used to live with such regret. Let that go. Carrying around regret and negativity will only keep you stuck. Negativity will hold you back. Negativity will trap you. Negativity will cause sickness.  Accept what was and make what is the best you can!

I am doing my best and if my best isn’t good enough fuck it.

 

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The winter months keep on coming. I feel frozen in time and stuck in life. The months seem long, dark, and cold. I am overthinking decisions that I have been wanting to make for years.  Forty is creeping up on me fast. I started home renovation projects that I wish I could complete in a day. I don’t like living in disorganization. I feel like I want to curl up in my nice warm bed and wake up in the spring! I think I would make an excellent bear and quite enjoy hibernation.

Today’s fitness goal was exactly what I needed to clear my head and get back in the game. The struggle has been real. Yes, I struggle but struggles are important to talk about.

I started doing virtual runs recently and I find I run better when I can see beautiful scenery from around the world. It makes me wanna add so many destinations to my must-see travel list.

My first virtual run was on Vancouver Island a place I miss dearly and long to be reunited with. My heart is on that Island. I can hear the ocean calling my name. I have done some virtual runs through beautiful mountain terrains and across breathtaking suspension bridges. While all that scenery has been beautiful I have struggled lately to crush a run. I run but I am struggling to keep a good time and I have to stop to catch my breath, fix my shoe or give my back and legs a break. I try to remind myself I am doing my best and that I am running through injuries. Never give up always keep moving forward. Motivate yourself to do better.

Today I woke up on a Monday in January which was a day off after working the weekend. I heard the morning alarm go off. I knew what time it was. I did get up but then I got back into bed. I realized no I need to kick my own ass! I said I was going to run so I got up, threw on my workout gear, laced up my shoes, and got on the elliptical. I was so excited that I started running before I found or started a virtual video. I am not a great multitasker while running so I don’t know what I hit on the tablet but I loaded the world’s slowest train ride through the swiss alps. I’m still impressed I got anything started without falling off the elliptical.

Many years ago I was lucky enough to be on this very train ride and so it flooded me with gorgeous views and that feeling of gratefulness that I had sitting on that train. I love mountains and the swiss alps brought me to tears. Around every bend, the sights took my breath away. This train ride will be one I never forget. All the windows are glass and everywhere you look the sights take your breath away. It might be the slowest train ride but my run was one of the best times of my life. I never stopped running despite the pace of the train being super slow. I crushed my goal. I felt so good I went on to go to a weights class and a yoga booty burn. This morning fueled my soul and reminded me how lucky I am. This morning cleared my mind and reminded me I can do whatever I put my mind to. I am going to be fit, fabulous and forty the count down is on! Nothing is standing in my way except my own negative thoughts. I refuse to let the winter months unmotivate me there is always a way to incorporate fitness into the day. Today’s fitness starts with shoveling snow! I need fitness to clear my head, fill my heart and remind me how truly grateful I am.

Do I have anyone else who loves virtual runs?

Anyone who wants to join me in a fitness goal?

Today Janurary the 12th two of my favourite people in the world share a birthday. One was born a few years before the other.

Happy birthday to my son Daniel you make me so proud each and every day. I cannot believe you are already nine. It feels like just the other day my uncle Merv called and said hold him in until the 12th I wanna be birthday buddies! The thought of this conversation always makes me laugh.

I went into labour on the 10th of January and giggled at not having him until the 12th. Guess what happened? birthday buddies for life. The ultimate birthday gift is the promotion from favourtie uncle to G-R-E-A-T uncle.

Dan came a month early and picked the date and time he wanted. Bonus points I had him while Jerry Springer was on TV which I always loved watching with uncle Merv. Since his delivery day, Dan has been picking his dates and times for what he wants to do. He walked early correction he didn’t learn to walk he just got up and started running and he hasn’t stopped since.

Nine years have flown by so fast. It brings tears to my eyes to look back on all your precious cake pictures. All the times you blow out your candles and make your cute wishes. I know most of your wishes are that your cat could talk. You have an unbelievable way with animals like a little animals whisperer there is no cat better off in this world that your spoiled cat Noah. You grew up with Charleston the corgi always herding you back to me. Kelso the corgi dog came running over to you, sat on you, and has never left your side. On days when she makes me crazy you remind me she’s doing the best she can. She is a work is progress. An old lady dog with a huge attitude. The way you show no fear around Grannies giant horses you just calmly talk to them warms my heart. You sir have a way with all animals.

Your love of building things amazes me. You can stack things like no other I often sit back and wonder how is that even possible. You have a creative mindset noticed by everyone. You think outside the box. You stump me often.

I am very glad you have taken up a love of reading. I know my Oma (grandma) is smiling down on us when we sit and read. I absolutely love when you read to me.

Every day you bring me to tears and I think how am I so lucky to be your mom?

Let’s go get some cake son!

Happy birthday to my favourite forever promoted favourtie G-R-E-A-T uncle. We hope to make it back to the Island soon to celebrate and eat cake with you. Miss you tons. Love you lots!!

Happy Birthday to the very best birthday buddies!