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The sun is shining on this lovely spring day and my corgi dog Kelso thinks it’s a perfect time for a swim. She is part fish and cannot be kept out of the lake. We live close to lake Ontario and she loves this location. She can not be trusted if the door is open for a second too long you can watch her fluffy butt as it runs down the road past a couple of other houses and right into the lake, happy as can be with a huge corgi smile. She demands to be walked and to play fetch in the lake. Yes, she actually demands she will come right over and bark in your face, she continues to be the most annoying dog until she gets what she wants. As soon as the ice recedes she jumps right in. She will be wet and smelly from now till mid-winter.

Kelso is 10 years in human years and 70 in dog years, you wouldn’t know it though she acts like a wild puppy when it’s time for a walk or to play fetch. She takes both events very seriously. Walks and swims are her life. She came to us two years ago and it’s been the most challenging two years trying to merge our lives together. I try to make some part of her day happy. If you say the word walk you must take her she bites to get her point across. She has the biggest boldest old lady personality for a dog only eight inches off the ground. She knows what she likes and dislikes and you cannot change her mind. She is a senior set in her ways who won’t be changing anytime soon.

She makes human friends easily she wants to meet everyone. Loves kids she always licks them right on the face. She is obsessed with my dad since staying with him while I traveled she now finds ways out of her yard and does her best to remember the roads he drove her to. She has run away several times. I found out papa gives her a treat for everything she does. I swear she came back five pounds heavier. She is sad after being at Papa’s she just wants to go back. If papa visits and doesn’t take her she becomes the world’s most dramatic and sad huffing and puffing dog. I don’t know how he resists her cute look.

Kelso, however, does not want to make dog friends in two years she’s bit every dog she’s met except for one mastiff cross sweet old lady dog the same age the one dog I can walk with her. Miley thanks for being Kelso’s only friend. It’s true everyone has a best friend you just gotta bit a few before you find the right one apparently.

I promised this old lady the best retirement I could give her and so now we walk for many kilometers each and every day sucking up the sunshine. I also need these walks to gather my thoughts and it helps with my mental health and getting my steps in.  Kelso keeps me laughing every day. You do however have to laugh quietly because she barks at loud noises. She demands silence. Truth be told this bossy corgi runs my life and makes me miss my Charleston corgi dog so much more when I look at her and it’s the girl version looking back I have to laugh. He’s gotta be laughing watching the chaos of the last couple of years. I’m not sure I know how to navigate life without a bossy Corgi it’s been 10 years of them running my life. I am thankful for the eight paws that have left a huge print on my heart.

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, I am aware I have written a previous blog about letting go; however, this topic comes up for me a lot. We all like to hang onto things and carry them around for much longer than needed. Letting go isn’t an easy thing to do. I personally struggled to let go of so much. I struggled to open up my life to admit I am not perfect. I am using my struggles, my failures, and my lessons learned to inspire others. It’s okay to talk about these things. 

The top two pieces of advice I always give people is that communication is key. You can’t change anything without communication. You can’t change yourself without talking to yourself. You can’t end a disagreement by not saying anything at all. Now don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean showing up at a disagreement ready to fight. Communication should be calm. If you cannot remain calm take some time and calm down. No one can read your mind. No one can figure you out if you don’t talk about it. Nothing can be fixed if you don’t open up and use your words. Kind composed words. 

The second is always let that shit go. You can’t forever be carrying your shit around with you, it gets heavy. It causes us unwanted stress and it causes us to be unwell. You must let go, free yourself, and move forward. 

Why am I sharing this information with you? I am sharing this information with you because believe it or not I was once a horrible communicator and I held onto things for way longer than I needed. By horrible communicator I mean I either didn’t talk about it or I blew up in anger and yelled. Sure, it made me feel great in the moment but overall, it made me depressed and overthink how I reacted. I spent a lot of time saying sorry after the fact instead of using kind composed words. There is no need for cruel or hateful words. Choose your words wisely, you cannot take them back.

I grew up with two vastly unique styles of parents. Nothing against my parents, we all just do the best we can and hope it’s enough for our children. Life doesn’t come with a how-to manual! No judgment. I fully admit I struggled with communicating with my son calmly. I was a loud-voiced yeller. This kid knows how to push my buttons. This mini version of me can be downright annoying! I admit we struggled, and I ended up reaching out for some help. Asking for help felt like I failed as a parent. I didn’t want it to just be my son who worked on things. I also knew I needed to change. We signed up for a program to help us both and our relationship has never been better. Something we both didn’t want to do at first became one of the best experiences we had. We met some utterly amazing people throughout our journey. This program we did I have recommended to many other people. We went in with an open mind and were impressed by the progress and help we received. 

Sometimes we all need a little help. I am not perfect. I am always learning how to be a better communicator. I am always learning how to be my best self. Asking for help shouldn’t be viewed as a failure, it should be viewed to empower yourself.  Make today and each day you are given as memorable as you can. Life is too short to hold onto things we no longer need. Let that shit go! 

 

 

 

I would say Pinterest, YouTube, and my stubbornness is the root cause for all of the  DIY projects I take on. I always think that doesn’t look too hard I could do that. Why would I pay someone else to do something I can do?  I am always learning new skills. I like to do things myself. I enjoy a challenge. During every COVID lockdown, I was motivated to paint something in my house. To take on a new project. To be clear I wasn’t fully locked down. I still had a job to report to. I absolutely freaking love to paint. I have repainted my house a few times over. Fresh new paint makes me happy.

During the first official lockdown, you couldn’t get tinted paint for whatever reason so I painted every ceiling. I was doing my yoga and meditation one morning when I looked up and noticed a spot on the ceiling above me that spiraled and lead me to wander my whole house looking at the ceiling. I was convived they all needed a fresh coat of paint. Painting ceilings is easy for me because I am tall and can reach the ceiling. I have painted a ton of ceilings for people over the years. I always volunteer to help paint. I don’t know why but I find it soothing and so rewarding when it’s done. Zen-like moment to stare at the new paint.

During another lockdown, I decided all the trim surrounding my windows and doors every single one needed a new coat of paint. One coat never covers what you want it to so it quickly became two or three. I repainted every door. I laughed thinking of all my hard work and not one person noticed. I think it really made the new windows stand out. How simple things can make me so happy.

This last lockdown is when I went all out. When I moved here I repainted my kitchen however with zero knowledge I went about it all wrong. I didn’t do any type of research I just sapped the paint on over the old and hoped for the best. With time it slowly began to peel and reveal flaws. Staring at the cupboards coming apart has been driving me mad. I have covered up most cabinets with fun flamingo stickers to hide the flaws but I lose sleep over this project. I knew it had to be done. I have no idea why I thought a good time to start was in the middle of a cold Canadian winter. This has been dragging on for months. Now with spring having arrived, the windows are open and I am running 2 heat guns. The goal is to finish the paint stripping by the end of April. Then onto sanding. cleaning, priming, and painting. I have given myself a deadline and I am working hard to reach it. I cannot wait to see the final reveal. I am not expecting anyone to notice my hard work but I know I put it in and I will be proud.

The many hours I have spent paint stripping got me thinking a lot about how removing layers of paint, and relieving what’s under is a lot like a self-help journey.  When I decided I needed to change the way my life was. I didn’t just wake up slap on some new “paint” and declare myself a better person. I didn’t hold myself together with fun flamingo stickers. It took years to figure out what made me this version. Why was I so negative? So unhappy? Why did I attract the same sort of people into my life? What could I do differently? Like this renovation this time I have done a lot of research I want to ensure the paint is removed correctly and reapplied so it doesn’t come apart. Same with self-help I wanted to go on a journey of finding myself and having the changes stick. I wanted to become the best version of myself. I wanted to fall in love with myself and the life I created. I wanted to be proud of myself and all of my accomplishments. I wanted to celebrate this feeling and help people going forward in my journey. I will forever be a work in progress. I am forever learning and changing. I am doing what I love to do.

Self-help means you have to put yourself ahead of anyone else. I don’t mean this in any selfish way I simply mean if you don’t help yourself you cant help others. You need to take time and work on yourself. I spend some time each and every day for myself. I make myself a priority. I spent years creating the best version of myself. I am proud of all the hard work I accomplished and the changes I made. Today I am living my best life. I make time for myself. I am making changes to make each and every day the best I can. Make each day as comfortable as you can.  I create positive memories. I am doing my best.

 

Recently I had someone ask me this question: “If you could call one person here or passed who would it be?

I couldn’t even answer the question I had tears rolling down my cheek. I would give anything for one more conversation with my Opa. We talked every day and I knew it would hurt when he was gone. I never knew it would hurt this much. My days feel like they are filled with silence. Your presence is missed.  Opa always made some part of my day just a little better with his sassy phone call. He called it the senior check-up. I don’t know who looked forward to the call more him or me. I miss this part of my everyday life. I feel lost without your calls. You had a way of making every day so much better. You always said make the day as comfortable as you can. I miss hearing your voice. Thank you for years worth of calls and memories.

Today Tuesday, April 5th would have been Opa’s 88th birthday. Today my family gathers to have cake in his honour. Opa loved birthdays, he never missed a birthday. His face always lit up with a feeling that he was surprised that he got a cake. Like we would ever have a birthday without cake. I freaking love cake! His birthday was a day he wanted his whole family together. He loved to have us all close. No matter what was going on you always put it behind you and enjoyed his day. You drank the strong farmer’s coffee and ate the delicious german cake.

I know this birthday won’t ever be the same without him. I will celebrate every April the 5th for as long as I live. It will forever be a day I remember and honour a man I was lucky enough to have for all these years as the world’s best Opa. My life wouldn’t be half as amazing as it is without all his love, wisdom, sass, advice, help, and support.

Happy Birthday, Opa! I miss you tons. Love you lots.

 

 

Is anyone else itching for spring?

Does anyone else love spring cleaning?

Do you ever look around and think where did all this stuff come from?

I bought our house five almost six years ago. Moving from an apartment to this house I was surprised at how much stuff we had.  It seemed to quickly fill our house up. The number of things that have come and gone for my son with age and ever-changing tastes. The memories we have had in this house. The many times I have changed the decore. The great flood that changed our lives.

I grew up in a family of collectors. I found myself collecting things that have brought me joy. Everywhere you look you can find a corgi or a flamingo in my house. I have sentimental things from those who have passed. My walls are filled with pictures. I enjoy sharing these memories with others.

My book collection is something else that has always brought me such joy but what do you do when you’re done reading a book? They sit upon my bookshelf and collect layers of dust. I would like to share some of my favourite books with others. This is where the little community library on my lawn came from. Inspired by a vision and built with love. I always have something to read. I enjoy seeing the smiles on people who stop by and find a great book. Take a book and enjoy! Thanks for leaving a book so I always have something to read.

Another thing I own a lot of is clothes. I am one person. I have always had a struggle finding clothes that fit me. My Oma (grandmother) and my mom used to make my clothes. Being a tall child in the ’80s left my options limited. As you can imagine I had a bold flower print collection of home-sewn clothing. Thankfully today they make tall clothing shops. I admit when I find something that fits and I love it while I buy lots of it. I am one person I can only wear so much. My walk-in closet is crying for space. I have started downsizing and donating my clothes and my never-ending collection of shoes. I know someone in need with appreciate my 38 inseam pants and size 10 footwear collection.

I like to be organized and have less clutter. In 2022 I am trying to keep the things that are important to me with me but the things that are just “stuff” let go. If it’s just taking up space and it’s not filling a purpose why do we have it?

The same can be said about our thoughts. We hold onto a lot of “stuff” thoughts that don’t bring us any joy or serve any purpose. Why do we hold onto them if they have no purpose in moving our lives forward? I like to let both physical things, as well as mental things, go. Release what you no longer need. Let that stuff go!

Clean your mind, clear your stuff, get organized and kick some butt! That’s the spring cleaning vibe I am setting for 2022.  Join me in letting go of your “stuff” whatever that might be. Spring into the life you want. Less stuff more space for great memories.

 

If I had to pick a word I needed today, this week, this month,  and generally, in my life, it would be the word strength. To have the ability to be both mentally and physically strong is where I am always striving to be. I am always working on my personal strength.

Maintaining my strength is a huge part of my everyday life. It is something I focus a great deal of my time towards.

Physically I have always worked on being in the best shape I can be while still enjoying the things I love. Let’s be honest, I will never give up eating cake! In order to balance my love of snacks, I have to keep my body moving.

I have always loved to run. Running helps clear my mind, challenges my body, and leaves me feeling recharged. After a run, I feel like I can do anything. It’s a great sense of accomplishment to make it to the end of a run.  I make time to run because it’s important to both my physical and mental strength. If something is important to you make time to enjoy it. Make time for yourself.

I run indoors on an elliptical due to my injuries and pain level tolerance. I am working towards the ability to run outdoors on a scenic path. I need to be outside. I want to feel the sun upon my face. I am grateful for the bossy corgi dog Kelso and her never-ending demands to be walked. Walking gets me outdoors, clears my mind, and reminds me of the many things I am grateful for. It’s also where I do most of my podcast listening.

Yoga is another great strength builder and has amazing physio benefits that help my injuries. Yoga has helped me work on my back, leg, and pelvic floor injuries. I know I am strong because I find ways to work around my injuries. Don’t let anything stop you from doing something you love to do. There is always a way to make it work. Find that way. I am determined to heal my injuries and always move forward. I use my mental strength and positive thoughts to move my physical journey forward. I show up and I complete my goals. I believe in myself. I always have a goal to work towards.

What’s my current physical goal? This might sound silly but I have never been able to do a push-up. I want to be physically strong enough to rip them out like nothing. I am taking weights, and full-body strength classes to work towards this goal. I know I will accomplish this goal with a huge smile on my face.

Mental strength is something I also work on every day. It was a hard realization in my life to know I was mentally weak. I had nothing but negative thoughts and this inability to cope. If things got tough I gave up, I shut down, and I didn’t communicate. I thought that’s how you kept from being hurt. I was never taught how to be mentally strong. I let things tear me down. I found it hard to discover and maintain mental strength. A huge part of this came when I shifted the way I think and the way I communicate. I first learned how to communicate positively and effectively. I no longer react from a place of anger. I know that I don’t have to react to everything. I can take as much time as I need to process and react. I sometimes need time to collect my thoughts and process my feelings. I am very aware that I do not want to say hurtful things. I want the things I say and write to fill others with positivity and a sense if I can do it you can too.

Meditation has played a huge part in my mental strength. Meditation allows me a few minutes to myself to reflect on anything I am feeling. Mental strength is having the skills needed to cope in a kind manner. Remember what you say and do deeply affects how others feel. In a world where you can be anything, please choose to be kind.

Strength comes from within. Discover your strength and become unstoppable.

I have great strength to accomplish my goals.

 

 

 

 

Lately, I have been writing and trying to organize what information goes into the chapters for my book to be. I write when the thought comes to me and try to organize it after. This is causing me a bit of a headache. I don’t know how to write a book so it’s giving me a bit of a headache. It’s taking longer than I thought but I am not giving up!

I am an avid reader, currently winning my book reading challenge. I have my Oma (grandmother) to thank for my love of reading. We didn’t always get along but we always bonded over books. She always passed on such great books some of which I am re-reading years later and falling in love with all over again. No greater feeling than to have a good book sitting in the sunshine getting lost in a story forgetting all about the day. Dreaming of how the book plays out. I love that feeling.

I love that my son is now reading chapter books. He reads to me so proudly and I can’t wipe the smile off my face. I can see the love of reading in his eyes. We sat on the couch today (Monday) home from a snow day reading and sharing what our books are about. I hope this love of books never fades.

I am on a mission to find him the books that at his age changed my life. Choose your own adventure books. Does anyone else remember these gems? You could be reading along and then bam a decision was presented on how you wanted the book to go and whatever you chose you had to skip to that page and see if you made the right decision. It was a challenge to make it to the end of the book. These books made me reflect on life. These books were like real-life every day you make decisions big or little that could change your life. Would you choose differently if you could skip ahead and see how it ended? Or would you want to go back and do something differently?

I think life is made up of many chapters in our book of life. Some people or characters come and stay for a little bit, some pass in and out, some stay for many chapters. Each and everyone we meet helps us choose our next adventures. I am thankful for the people I have had in my life and the people currently in my life. I have been on some great adventures. Some good some not so good. Some great people some not so great people. Every person has taught me some great lessons. I didn’t always understand them at the time but I trust the process of life and where it is taking me. I know I am here to have great adventures. I keep choosing to take adventures.

I wouldn’t change any of the choices I have made as they have landed me where I am today. I am the best version of myself and I love my life. I am always changing and forever trying new things. I keep the chapters interesting you could say. I am doing my best and if my best isn’t good enough Fuck It. This was my Opa (grandfather’s) motto and it got me to where I am in life today. He was a huge part of my life and made many chapters filled with memories and adventures.

What does the next chapter of life look like for you?

Remember you are in charge of writing your book and choosing your adventures. Make this life the best life you can.

 

Have you ever found that perfect tea or coffee mug? The one that has a picture or a quote that just captures perfectly how you’re feeling? Have you ever found that friend that just gets you? I am lucky that I have a collection of mugs and friends that get me. This blog is the story of tea time with my friend Jes. Today on this Tuesday she is having surgery so I am sending her all the positive thoughts and loving vibes. You got this girl. This marks the first day of March. Wednesday the second day of March is her birthday. One she will never forget. This is how this wonderful lady and I became best-teas.

The year was 2009 and I was working as an assistant manager of a clothing store. Truth be told I hated this job with a passion. I never wanted to be stuck in a dead-end job yet here I was struggling to make ends meet, just one of my many failures. I was wearing clothes that I hated and supporting a brand I didn’t care about. My heart wasn’t in it. I do believe that things do happen for a reason. The reason I feel like I was at this job was to inspire the younger gals working there to get real jobs. I told them to go to school and become someone or do something. I was enrolled in online college while working there which I completed and I use this degree at my current job. My current job allows me to help and inspire people and my heart is in it. What a change a job can make in our lives. Jes made a job change that year as well.

During this retail job, time is when I met Jes. She is a fiery girl who has always known what she wanted.  Jes is that kinda person you are drawn to. She is easy to talk to and will always put a smile on your face.  She doesn’t filter it and tells it like it is. She has become one of my very best friends. She is the friend I immediately wanna call when I am happy or when I am sad. I know she is always going to answer right away and say “Hello, my tallest friend”. Over the years we have shared both happy and sad tears together over tea. I cannot thank this girl enough for always being herself. You have the biggest heart out of everyone I know. You make the perfect cup of tea.

A couple of years ago we actually stopped being friends. We just recently re-connected. Things work out for a reason. This is when I realized just because someone doesn’t do something exactly the way I would have or would have wanted doesn’t mean they didn’t do the best they could.  Truth be told I came home from a vacation totally pissed off at someone else and I took it out on some of those closest to me. I regret the way I handled the situation. Never react from a place of anger. I have since found healthier ways to communicate my anger. I am always a work in progress.

Truth be told I missed this girl when she wasn’t a part of my life. She brings light and an aura of joy I have never found in anyone else. I am so very thankful when I reached out and apologized for my wrongdoings she accepted. I believe forgiveness is the best form of love. It takes a strong person to say sorry and an even stronger person to forgive. Thank you for accepting my apology and being my friend. Here’s too many more tea times and talks.  I cherish my tea time with you friend. Cheers to finding the perfect cup of tea paired with the perfect friend. Love you, long time girl!

 

 

I knew our time would come to an end one day, but no matter how much time we had, it would never be enough. I knew it would be hard but I didn’t know it would be this hard.

I am grateful you shared almost forty years with me. You accomplished so much in your 87 almost 88 years. You touched the lives of so many people. You weren’t just my Opa you were my very best friend. My daily phone call. You gave me the best advice and you never gave up on me. You always rooted me on no matter how crazy my plans were. You taught me what it was to have a close-knit family. You loved us like no other. I am trying to dry up my tears and honour your memories but it’s hard. I miss you so very much.

I spent two beautiful days with you before you passed and I will forever be grateful for those memories. I needed a long goodbye. You shared so many stories and so much love. We share a lifetime of memories that I will forever cherish.

I would give anything to hear you laugh just one more time, you truly had the best laugh. I pick up the phone and I so badly want to call you. The days aren’t the same without your calls.

You shared with me your life motto of “Do your best and if your best isn’t good enough fuck it” I will forever live by these words and share your message.

Your determination was next level. When you set out to do something you accomplished it. For 33 years you were a huge part of the AA family you stayed sober by the help of AA for 33 years. We did a zoom meeting together just the night before you passed. You were dedicated and will be missed by so many people from that community alone. Then add in family, friends and all the people from your building days. You touched so many peoples lives you are an inspiration.

Thank you for giving me the best farming childhood. For allowing me to have all the pets to fill my heart. For always making me feel like I was special. For always loving me. I miss you like crazy and love you beyond words. Until we meet again.

 

https://www.rushnellfamilyservices.com/memorials/erich-huebner/4856106/index.php

February is the month of love. Happy early Valentine’s day!

Thank you to each and every one of you who stop by to read my blog. Thank you for reaching out and sending me some love. I love all the messages coming in. This journey has been so much fun. Thank you for joining me on this journey.

I will admit I am not a huge fan of Valentine’s day but I am a huge fan of love. I think you should appreciate and show love every day. Celebrate those you love at every given opportunity. The world needs more love.

Love is something I used to struggle a great deal with. l I didn’t realize this until I set out on a journey to discover myself. The biggest piece that was missing in my life was that love starts within you, with self-love. You cannot love anyone else until you love yourself.

Along my way in life I had gotten lost, completely lost. I fell into years of darkness. I had no love for myself or anyone else. I didn’t love myself and so I ended up in these less than ideal challenging relationships. I was searching for love in all the wrong places.  I knew I no longer wanted this to be the next chapter of my life. I knew I had some issues that I needed to face.  I set out to do some hard work. This is the hardest work I have done and the change didn’t come fast or easy.  Discovering that you have no love is a hard place to be. This messed with my head. I did a lot of emotional work. I cried so many tears. I am glad I did it though. I am proud of myself. I learned to be a better communicator first with myself. I learned a love language of positivity and I fell in love with myself. I will always be thankful during this hard journey I had my heart dog Charles who without ever saying a word taught me what it is like to feel unconditional love.  I went from no love at all to completely filled with love. I love myself.

I strive every day to tell and show my son how much I love him. I am a single parent and I want him to look back and know he was loved more than anything. We say I love you so much it’s probably annoying to watch.  We work on showing each other love each and every day. I have never felt a love so strong as the love of being a parent. You make my heart so full and so proud. I am so lucky and blessed that you are my son.

My family and friends, I send so much love each and every day. I would be lost without my crew of people. They always support me and root me on from the sidelines. I am so grateful when I think of how many people I love and how many people love me. I have such a huge smile on my face. I could spend days typing out so many thank you and I love you messages.

In my darkness, I wasted so many years unable to see all the love right in front of me and all the love the world had for me.  I was unable to express love. Start with self-love and watch your love grow. Fall in love with yourself and watch your relationships change. The way you love and communicate with yourself sets the tone for the way you love and communicate with others. Find that personal love language.

If you are struggling know you are not alone and if you need to chat my phone is always on.