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I am a pretty ordinary woman whose choices have led me down an extraordinary life path.

I do not think I am better than you because of the journey I am on, everyone has a journey, Everyone has a story. Each of our journeys is unique it is what makes us who we are.

There is only one me. I am now aware of my fears and failures. I am now aware of my accomplishments and positivity in my life. I am able now to talk about my darkness. The darkness that at one point consumed my whole life and almost ended my life. I am not embarrassed to talk about any part of my life.  If you ask me a question you will always get an honest answer. I am not here to please anyone. I am aware that I am not for everyone. I am aware I don’t have to like everyone I meet and they don’t have to like me. I am doing the best I can in sharing my story to show we are all capable of change. I want others to know no matter where you feel stuck in life there is always someone who can help. Keep moving, keep working and keep dreaming. You are never alone. Help is always available. Reach out if you need help. If I can’t help you I am happy to help you find the help you need. Networking is an important part of life.

I wish when I was stuck in the darkest parts of my life that I knew what a life coach was. I didn’t find my life coach network of friends until I started to surround myself with positive people. Positive people keep me inspired. Surround yourself with positive people and i guarantee your life will change. I also surrounded myself with amazing pets. Let’s be serious I don’t know how to live life without a pet. My dog is my constant companion. She keeps my life filled with purpose. She demands a walk everyday. She keeps me moving forward. She reminds me without ever saying a word how much love is in my life. I am blessed. I am grateful.

I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose. I own up to the choices that I have made.  Did I always make the right choices? HECK NO!

Did I always do the right thing? NOPE!

I learned a lot of life’s lessons the harder way. I did however learn a great number of lessons and a lot about myself along the way. I used to live with such regret. Let that go. Carrying around regret and negativity will only keep you stuck. Negativity will hold you back. Negativity will trap you. Negativity will cause sickness.  Accept what was and make what is the best you can!

I am doing my best and if my best isn’t good enough fuck it.

 

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The winter months keep on coming. I feel frozen in time and stuck in life. The months seem long, dark, and cold. I am overthinking decisions that I have been wanting to make for years.  Forty is creeping up on me fast. I started home renovation projects that I wish I could complete in a day. I don’t like living in disorganization. I feel like I want to curl up in my nice warm bed and wake up in the spring! I think I would make an excellent bear and quite enjoy hibernation.

Today’s fitness goal was exactly what I needed to clear my head and get back in the game. The struggle has been real. Yes, I struggle but struggles are important to talk about.

I started doing virtual runs recently and I find I run better when I can see beautiful scenery from around the world. It makes me wanna add so many destinations to my must-see travel list.

My first virtual run was on Vancouver Island a place I miss dearly and long to be reunited with. My heart is on that Island. I can hear the ocean calling my name. I have done some virtual runs through beautiful mountain terrains and across breathtaking suspension bridges. While all that scenery has been beautiful I have struggled lately to crush a run. I run but I am struggling to keep a good time and I have to stop to catch my breath, fix my shoe or give my back and legs a break. I try to remind myself I am doing my best and that I am running through injuries. Never give up always keep moving forward. Motivate yourself to do better.

Today I woke up on a Monday in January which was a day off after working the weekend. I heard the morning alarm go off. I knew what time it was. I did get up but then I got back into bed. I realized no I need to kick my own ass! I said I was going to run so I got up, threw on my workout gear, laced up my shoes, and got on the elliptical. I was so excited that I started running before I found or started a virtual video. I am not a great multitasker while running so I don’t know what I hit on the tablet but I loaded the world’s slowest train ride through the swiss alps. I’m still impressed I got anything started without falling off the elliptical.

Many years ago I was lucky enough to be on this very train ride and so it flooded me with gorgeous views and that feeling of gratefulness that I had sitting on that train. I love mountains and the swiss alps brought me to tears. Around every bend, the sights took my breath away. This train ride will be one I never forget. All the windows are glass and everywhere you look the sights take your breath away. It might be the slowest train ride but my run was one of the best times of my life. I never stopped running despite the pace of the train being super slow. I crushed my goal. I felt so good I went on to go to a weights class and a yoga booty burn. This morning fueled my soul and reminded me how lucky I am. This morning cleared my mind and reminded me I can do whatever I put my mind to. I am going to be fit, fabulous and forty the count down is on! Nothing is standing in my way except my own negative thoughts. I refuse to let the winter months unmotivate me there is always a way to incorporate fitness into the day. Today’s fitness starts with shoveling snow! I need fitness to clear my head, fill my heart and remind me how truly grateful I am.

Do I have anyone else who loves virtual runs?

Anyone who wants to join me in a fitness goal?

Today Janurary the 12th two of my favourite people in the world share a birthday. One was born a few years before the other.

Happy birthday to my son Daniel you make me so proud each and every day. I cannot believe you are already nine. It feels like just the other day my uncle Merv called and said hold him in until the 12th I wanna be birthday buddies! The thought of this conversation always makes me laugh.

I went into labour on the 10th of January and giggled at not having him until the 12th. Guess what happened? birthday buddies for life. The ultimate birthday gift is the promotion from favourtie uncle to G-R-E-A-T uncle.

Dan came a month early and picked the date and time he wanted. Bonus points I had him while Jerry Springer was on TV which I always loved watching with uncle Merv. Since his delivery day, Dan has been picking his dates and times for what he wants to do. He walked early correction he didn’t learn to walk he just got up and started running and he hasn’t stopped since.

Nine years have flown by so fast. It brings tears to my eyes to look back on all your precious cake pictures. All the times you blow out your candles and make your cute wishes. I know most of your wishes are that your cat could talk. You have an unbelievable way with animals like a little animals whisperer there is no cat better off in this world that your spoiled cat Noah. You grew up with Charleston the corgi always herding you back to me. Kelso the corgi dog came running over to you, sat on you, and has never left your side. On days when she makes me crazy you remind me she’s doing the best she can. She is a work is progress. An old lady dog with a huge attitude. The way you show no fear around Grannies giant horses you just calmly talk to them warms my heart. You sir have a way with all animals.

Your love of building things amazes me. You can stack things like no other I often sit back and wonder how is that even possible. You have a creative mindset noticed by everyone. You think outside the box. You stump me often.

I am very glad you have taken up a love of reading. I know my Oma (grandma) is smiling down on us when we sit and read. I absolutely love when you read to me.

Every day you bring me to tears and I think how am I so lucky to be your mom?

Let’s go get some cake son!

Happy birthday to my favourite forever promoted favourtie G-R-E-A-T uncle. We hope to make it back to the Island soon to celebrate and eat cake with you. Miss you tons. Love you lots!!

Happy Birthday to the very best birthday buddies!

It’s 2022!

Happy new year friends and family! I would like to wish you the best year yet!

We have had 2 years of a weird ever-changing global pandemic. Not what I had envisioned for the years.

I thought for sure by 2022 I would have a flying car! Instead, I am trying to navigate and figure out the technological advances of my new laptop. It’s been more than 15years since I bought a new one. I rarely replace my computers or cellphones unless they stop working. I still prefer to write on paper but I am trying to get with the times. I bought a small sized laptop that I can throw in any bag. I am trying to navigate my thoughts into a word documents vs paper. I still think my ideas flow better when I write pen to paper but it’s a lot of work to then type it all out. Trying to manage my writing time better. I want to accomplish finishing my book!

What are you’re 2022 goals?

Who sets new years goals and who doesn’t believe in it?

I am one of those people who shockingly doesn’t believe in new years resolutions. I don’t think I have ever set one. Oh, wait no that’s not true one year in the early 2000’s I bought Billy Blanks Tae-Bo on DVD and was going to take a year’s worth of classes. I laugh as I type this because he kicked my butt to the point of pain and tears. I laid on my floor and wept. This caused me to give up very early on in this resolution. I might have to revisit these Tae-Bo classes and see if I could successfully complete one now. Billy you are one tough dude.

I no longer set a year goal. I think the concept is unrealistic. I think you should strive every day to be the best version of yourself. Instead of trying to change my year, I focus more on my smaller manageable daily goals. A few daily changes make my year outcome worth it without the pressure of a big goal and unnessesary tears. Small changes daily make for a better yearly outcome.

How do I do this? I start small. I try to incorporate some kind of fitness into my days. Some days I need to run off the feelings or to clear my mind other days I need to flow, stretch, slow and calm with yoga. Every day I need to move my body. I like my motto run thirty minutes and then write thirty minutes. The most important part of my day is taking some part of the day for myself. To do something I love to do. This keeps me positive. Self care and self love are always on the top of my to do list. Make time for yourself. Make yourself a priority.

Take each day and do your best. Be the best version of yourself each and every day. Think positive be positive.

Make 2022 your best year.

 

The Christmas season is my absolute favourtie time of the year despite the cold weather. My heart is always so full around the Christmas season. I cannot wait to see my friends and family. To light up the Christmas lights.

The season starts for me the minute I can find eggnog. This year I received a text from a dear friend who informed me she found it and I raced to the store. START THE CAR! This year many times in my search for eggnog stores have been sold out. I think people are catching on to my delicious treat.

My family growing up made Christmas the most magical experience. The most exciting memory for me wasn’t getting presents or even the delicious food it was finding the perfect tree.

I grew up in a small town and our local car was became a Christmas tree lover’s dream. I would wander through the rows and rows of trees with my dad sipping hot chocolate and somehow he convinced me I did it every year I found the perfect tree. We hauled it home and decorated it with all our homemade school ornaments. We would sit around with Christmas music playing, the fireplace roaring, and string popcorn garlands. I wanted this tradition to live on through my son. I wanted him to love our real Christmas tree as much as I did. I wanted to have all his kid-made ornaments proudly displayed. I wanted him to feel the same love and Christmas magic I did.

This year started off a tad rough I bought all new outdoor lights as the squirrels chewed them up before I could get them down in the spring. This year I strung the Christmas light across the house with frozen fingers and tired legs from the ladder climb only to have the squirrels chew them up the very next day. I only got to light them up once and I didn’t even get a picture.  Always have a backup plan. I took the lights off the roof and was able to rewire the strings to work. We light up the inside twice as bright. More lights on the tree than ever before.

When I moved out on my own my dad hauled out all the ornaments we made as kids and my brothers somehow survived but mine got eaten. My memories were eaten probably by squirrels. These little buggers are really messing with my positive Christmas vibes. I decided then to steal my brother’s prize cork horse ornament that’s survived some 35 years and looks new. It’s the first thing I hang at the top of the tree every year. It reminds me of all the years we had together decorating trees. I also send him a picture every year that I still have the prize ornament. I am that annoying little sister forever.

I buy a new ornament every year for my son and this year I think I found the ornament of all ornaments. I found a colour-changing hockey-themed singing Stomping Tom ball. I didn’t realize at the time it sang the whole song. I think I can now sing along to every word. I found my boyfriend a moose ornament. Every time he goes to Alaska he sees a moose. I went to Alaska with him never saw a single moose. I was so excited about their ornaments I forgot to get myself one. Good thing I have the cork horse.

My son knows the tradition first it starts with pouring eggnog, putting the fireplace channel on, cranking the Christmas music, covering the tree with lights, and then rushing to put the most ornaments on! I get teary-eyed every year with all the homemade ornaments and the ones that were given to us that hold such special memories. Every year we have the perfect family filled with love Christmas tree.

From our house to yours have a wonderful holiday season.

 

 

 

 

Do you have a favourite colour? A colour that instantly makes you happy?  What colour you are drawn to?

I love purple! I have painted the walls in my house purple. I have added glitter. I love shiny things. I want to purple glitter my whole house. Purple makes me feel a sense of calmness, comfort, and happiness. Most days I can be found wearing something purple. I wish my car was purple.

I googled what it means to love purple and I found this interesting bit: “What does purple say about your personality?”

“Being a personality colour purple, you have a peaceful and tranquil quality and a quiet dignity about you. People are drawn to your charismatic and alluring energy. … With your personality colour purple you inspire others with your creative thinking and your ability to deal positively with adversity.”

I am calmest when I am being creative. I love to colour. I can get lost in a creative picture. The shades of purple.

When I am upset, when I am overthinking, or when I need to calm down I sharpen up my pencil crayons. Somedays I wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Somedays I can’t get out of a funk. Splash of colour and I am good to go. Get lost in a colouring book. I find a picture that needs colour to come to life. I get lost in the creativity of making it come alive. I like a hard outline and shaded inner picture. The blending of colours. Colouring a different colour. Colouring outside of the lines. It is my picture to do what I want to with. It’s a time I can be creative. It takes my mind and my worries away.

As a kid, I loved those giant activity colouring books the pages never ended and the crayons had every colour. I love sharing these with my boy. The joy and excitement that crosses his fave when he finds a teddy bear or cat to colour.

As an adult, I can’t believe the colouring books you can get. Corgi colouring books, fancy swear word colouring books, Keanu Reeves colouring books. How could I not buy all of these?  I might have a slight obsession with colouring. I own a lot of fun colouring books. I buy a lot of colouring books as gifts. My friends and family can tell you they have coloured with me. I have shared a mix of laughter and tears over colouring pages. I have colouring pages on my vision wall. I love to be surrounded by colours.

I find calmness in colouring.

 

 

 

I was bundled up with so many layers. I had long johns, leggings, ski pants, and snow pants for the bottom layers. I had layers of socks and my winter boots on. I layered on the tops starting with a tank top, long sleeve warm layer, a big fluffy hoodie, and not 1 but 2  winter jackets. Even layers of hats and mittens. I felt like a little kid overdressed by a parent. I could hear my parents saying “make sure you are warm enough it’s going to be cold”.  I could barely move my arms or legs. I had purchased all new gear for this winter trip. I am a Canadian who dislikes being cold. I took a trip to Alaska in November, what was I thinking?

I was off in search of the mysterious northern lights. I wanted to ride a dog sled through a quiet snowy forest. Sit in a hot spring with frozen hair. Run through the snow in my winter boots and then my bikini what a fun vacation.

My Opa (grandpa) reported to me that he searched out the very same lights many years ago when he arrived in Canada. He told me they made him feel motion sickness and depressed. I share in his motion sickness on boats so I prayed that I didn’t share the same feeling when I gazed up at the lights.

I am beyond happy to report I have crossed this must-see event off my bucket list. I have dreamed for years of that exact moment. I didn’t think I would be standing on a mountain top in Alaska in November but this trip just came together. Things always have a way of working out for me. Focus on the positive and positive things will happen. How much my life has changed just from changing the way I think.

I took a tour to a mountain top in a little tank-like vehicle on a tour that almost guarantees you see the northern lights. As I stood on the mountain top with my boyfriend freezing I had tears frozen on my face yet my heart was so full. Beautiful sites always bring me to tears. Soon as we arrived on this mountain we started to witness shades of green appearing. The later the hours the more vibrant the colours became. Between 1 and 3 am seemed to host the best displays of colours. The light came alive and started to move and dance across the sky. I stood in awe. I tried to capture the beauty with my phone camera but the pictures do not capture even a tiny bit of the beauty in a front-row seat. I would agree with everyone who ever told me the northern lights are truly a sight you have to see.

Alaska has so much natural beauty. I have dreamed forever to catch a glimpse. My nose, toes, and fingertips were frozen but my bucket list became shorter and my heart is forever full.

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When I wrote dancing in the rain as a title for a blog I immediately had a rock star moment and started singing “If you like pina and gettin’ caught in the rain”. It instantly makes me giggle at how much I love dancing in the rain. I also do love a pina colada. Have I had a Pina Colada in the rain? Absolutely! The combination is perfect. Don’t believe me? Next time it rains get a pina colada and get out dancing in the rain.  Dancing in the rain is the one time when the world slows down and I feel like no one is watching me. I feel like the rain coming down around surrounds me like a blanket and no one can see me. I get lost in the feeling of being the only one in the world. I love that feeling.

Sometimes I invite my son or a friend to run out and enjoy dancing in the rain with me. It always ends the same way being soaked, feeling silly, and filled with laughter. You cant dance in the rain in be in a bad mood. It will instantly cheer you up. I imagine it has others giggling too. Anyone who witnesses that amount of silliness has to be giggling. Laughter makes us feel better. Being silly makes us forget about the seriousness in our lives.

For the record, I am not a dancer so the moves seen during the rain are not those of a professional. I almost never dance unless the rain brings out that feeling. For those few short minutes, nothing in the world matters it’s just pure silliness. You forget anything you were worried about. You get lots in your senses.

When I write a blog I have that same feeling as dancing in the rain brings. I write best on days when I am alone and my house is quiet. These are usually rainy days. On days when no one is watching. When no one can interrupt me. It is one of the few times my phone is turned off. I grab a pen and paper and the ideas just start flowing. I write like no one is reading. Sometimes my blog has a purpose or a message for someone and sometimes it’s just a story or something that has happened and I want to share. I just write the ideas as they come to me. I like to write from my heart. I like to share my experiences in hopes that it helps someone. I write hoping it changes and inspires you to think differently about life. Leave the negativity behind and embrace where positivity takes you.

Like my dancing, I am not a professional writer it is just a dream of mine that I have always wanted to pursue. I want to become someone’s favourite author.  In order to reach that goal, I show up weekly and write a blog. I believe these blogs keep my book dreams alive. Blogging keeps me writing. Blogging keeps me dreaming.

Shockingly I used to be shy and I did my best to avoid talking to anyone. I kept all my feelings silent. I went to therapy and never shared a word. I feared if I shared things about my trauma, my failures, or my rejections people would judge me or think of me differently. When did this change? When I started talking to people. When I opened up to share my stories and started hearing other people’s stories. It was then that I realized we all have trauma. We all have failures and we all have things we wish that we would have done differently. We are all doing the best that we know how to do.

Keep moving forward and never give up. Everything has a way of working out. There is a solution to whatever you are faced with. Pay attention to what life is teaching you. If things didn’t go as planned figure out the reason and a new solution. When you need help reach out. Life is easier when faced together.  Live with no judgments and an open positively kind heart.

I don’t know what happens to us when we are no longer here. Heaven or wherever you go when you pass on from here well it has some of my favourite people. Some of those people I have been missing like crazy. I often find signs from those who have passed on. You are always on my mind and forever in my heart.

Lately, I have been finding dimes. It is said that if you find dimes:

“Someone or something is trying to get your attention. – Guidance or validation that you’re on the right path. – Ancestors, spirits, or deceased loved ones want you to know they’re looking out for you.”

When I find a dime I always look up and smile. I feel like now more than ever in my life I am on the right path. Thanks for leaving me dimes.

I miss you like crazy and I know from wherever you are you are watching out for me.

My house has trinkets all over left to me by loved ones no longer with me. I have gorgeous paintings from my grandmother I can still envision her painting in her sunroom with the utmost look of pure joy as she smiled at what she was creating. I still sleep under quilts she made every stitch by hand.

The abstract Cadillac painting by Mr. Freak makes me smile every day. It’s the first thing you see in my house. The chair you designed sits perfectly on my deck looking out onto the water. It’s my favourite place to drink tea, read my books, and work on my book. You had a way of touching people with your kindness. My son still thinks you’re one of the coolest people.

Today however when I was struggling with what to write about I got a sign that made me laugh and cry. I opened a drawer looking for a document and out of the back of the drawer fell a card. It’s a super old “call me” card. You used to use them back in the day when calling long distance was expensive and not included in your calling plan. You had a card with a code that made the long-distance free. It says “Now you can talk to (name) more often”.

For years after you passed away, I carried this card with your name on it. I haven’t seen it in years and forgot they even existed. Now I am not sure if this is a sign I need to clean out this drawer or if you were just trying to get my attention but it worked. Pat wasn’t my father he was my best friend’s father but he accepted a lot of friends as family. He was a huge inspiration in my life and I miss him. What I wouldn’t do to be able to call you one more time and hear your voice, your laugher, and your sass.  Last year I took a caddy cruise up to your grave just to sit and chat. I brought a beer to sit and talk. I drank some and poured you some. I sat and chatted about all the things that have happened since you passed. I think that chat is what lead me to make the decisions that I have. I wish you could have met my son he would have had so much fun hanging out with you! I will forever keep your memory alive. Cherish all the times you made me smile and laugh. You were one of a kind and I am forever grateful for the time you were in my life.

Finding that call me card made me call a lot of people just to hear their voices. In a world of texting, I love the convince of shooting off a quick text but there is nothing like hearing your voice. I will forever be calling just to hear your voice.

If you could make one phone call who would you call?

At the other end of your leash, I am smiling. I am so grateful for all the dogs in my life.  From the ones I walk to the ones I have adopted as family, you all fill such a special place in my heart. My heart had a giant hole a sense that something was missing. That feeling has since been filled with the love of dogs. Without ever saying a word dogs show us and they teach us what it is like to feel unconditional love. I am beyond blessed for the dogs I have had in my life and the dogs I still get to experience. I wake up and kiss my dog every day and I kiss her when I come home too. You cant resist Kelso’s cute face.  I am forever thankful for how Kelso the corgi became a part of our family when we needed her the most she picked our family to join. My heart is so full.

The dogs pictured here are the ones who inspire me to keep walking from young to old they have ticked along the kilometers. They have motivated me to keep moving. To walk places I haven’t seen before. To venture where they want to go. To meet new people. To make new friends. Dogs have always taken me out of my comfort zone yet showed me it’s okay. Dogs have a way of keeping us safe.

Some days I can be found just walking and talking to the dogs clearing my thoughts. Some days I have my headphones in. I am currently listening to crime podcasts. Secretly my dream has always been to solve crimes. I have always had this passion to work for the wrongfully convicted that speaks directly to my soul. No matter how deep I am into a podcast I always lower my volume or take a headphone out to say hello to someone walking by or stop and chat. I have met some wonderful people around town. You never know how a smile and a simple hello can change someone’s day.

I love how different every dog I walk is. Each has their own personality and they keep me laughing. I get leashes tangled. I always have more poop bags than I can carry to the next trash can. I am sure anyone who sees us gets a chuckle too. I love the cute looks the dogs give me when they know I am struggling. On the days that start out or finish less than ideal I immediately know what will cheer me up. Get a dog and start walking. I walk until I feel like whatever was bothering me is gone. Sometimes I just need a quiet walk to gather my thoughts.

At the end of your leash, my heart is full and I am so grateful for every step you walk with me. Thank you sweet dogs for teaching me so many valuable lessons and inspiring my book. Here’s to many more years being at the other end of your leash.